My Wife Has Did.

I don't know quite where to begin. I actually "discovered" that my wife has DID. She had been diagnosed with a host of mental illnesses from childhood but not DID. After my discovery and a couple hospitalizations she's been diagnosed.
I have no one to talk to about this. Who do you tell? How do you tell anyone...oh last night I talked to one of my wifes alters. She's 6 and scared to death of everyone but me because of what horrible people have done to her. She's so frightened that it makes me cry. Another is in love with me and another says Lucifer gives it power.
Her mental health people have her in one group. After four months they have yet to even talk to me even though my wife tells all her community support people they need toand she's signed releases.
I'm an emotional wreck.
What do you do when one or more alters abuses another?
Not exactly things you can easily discuss.
thuie1313 thuie1313
36-40, M
2 Responses Oct 3, 2012

Hi thuie1313, first off let me say I fully support everything xxxLisaxxx is saying as she has first hand experience in DID.
I too have a best friend for the passed 14years who has DID and I see her every day and spend nights when things are difficult as much as a month at a time.
We who support those who are close to us with this condition must also have people we sound off on as support be it in person or on ep.
I know all the personalities and spend time with each one as necessary.
Ttreatment is necessary and you should sit in on it too to keep up to date on what is actually happening.
It can be overwhelming at times and you also need to take care of yourself and try not to get into the emotion of things too much. Difficult I know but we also need to be strong for them.
Hospital often is a bad trigger, you will learn what triggers others to come out and what to avoid on the tv etc;
I am here anytime you need a friend to talk to or any advise, please I really understand and my heart is to be of help in these circumstances.
Hang in there.


My husband has DID and has been in therapy over four years. He has come a long way. As time goes on I'm sure you will meet many more alters. You will think to yourself, oh that was you when that did +++++. I'm sure it all makes sense to you now.

It is very easy to feel bad for them and to shed tears. It's hard to believe how someone can do things that they do to others, especially children. The littles will most likely start seeing you as a father figure.

Get to know each alter. Let them know they can talk to you about the things that bother them. Gain their trust. Find out what triggers them. When the host or alters are triggered a protector alter will come out most times to defend them. This alter may not even know what has taken place. Try to always be honest and keep your promises to them. They have been lied to many many times.

You should be made a part of her therapy if that is what she wants. The first therapist I interviewed for my husband wouldn't allow me to be a part of therapy so, I found another. She has been our therapist from the start. I sit in on every session my husband has and has had. His therapist says that he has made the most progress of any DID client she has seen. She says it is because of my support that he has come so far.

If possible you guys may want to look into a new therapist who will make you a part of her healing process. If things are too much for you then you should find a therapist for yourself and one that is knowledgeable on DID.

As far as the alters arguing with one another this will happen. The system as a whole needs to learn how to cooperate and coexist with one another. They need to work out a schedule where they all get time to be out if they want to be.

My husband's alters have days set aside just for them. On their days they allow others out as well. It's just they get the final answer on what they want to do etc. The others days anyone is allowed to be out.

All my family and a few friends know that my husband is DID. Only his niece and nephew know from his side. His niece is diagnosed DID as well. We found this out when she came to live with us. His dad and sister are too, but they don't really get it, but we do. We see the changes etc.

DID takes many years of dedication and healing. It isn't something that just goes away or gets better in a week. It is a process. You will see the progress though. There will be ups and downs.

If you have any more questions, I will try to help you.

Take care,


Thanks for responding. My wife has never received any treatment for her DID. It wasn't diagnosed until this year. Her other personalities are putting get at risk. She has a history of alcohol abuse & she is a bulimic. Right now she is gone & I have no idea where she is or who she is. This has been happening alot. She (or they) get our credit card & drain money. I'm honestly considering having her committed because I'm afraid of what is going to happen.
Am I wrong?


Everything she is doing is typical of DID. There is another who is taking over and going on these binges and I'm sure the others are unaware of this happening. If you have the resources it is very important that you find a therapist who is educated on DID. You say, her mental health team. Do they not know she is DID? If you are worried about her welfare then I would file a missing persons report and tell them she has a history of mental illness as well as DID. My husband's alter wandered away from me in a shopping complex. I called 911 and told them he was DID. They had a search team out to look for him immediately. Not sure about her being hospitalized. Definitely, yes if she is a danger to herself or others. If she is hospitalized find a place that works with people who have dissociative disorders. This would start her on her way to therapy. You just have to be careful so that you don't make enemies, but at the same time keep yours and her welfare in mind.

They do know she has DID but have done nothing but put get in a DBT group. She only has medicaid so hospitals & therapists are tricky.
I'm sitting here hoping she comes back & none of the alters gets her in trouble, arrested or worse.
She's been gone a little over 2 hours. I'm waiting for a call from her community support worker in about 30 minutes. I'll she what she says before calling 911.

What is DBT? She needs one on one therapy. Are they taking her DID serious? Or do they not believe her or in DID? Many therapist and psychiatrist don't believe DID is real. That is why it is important to find one that does. I hope she came back and all is well.

I was always lucky that when an alter wandered off there was never any evidence of illegal or dangerous activity by the time my husband found his way back. What did you mean by the alters abusing each other?

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