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My Husbands Alter Doesn't Want A Wife

hello new here and didn't know where else to turn...my hubby and I have been together for over 12yrs...and have worked hard to build our lives together in that time...he has accepted my two girls from an abusive marriage as his own and now we are grandparents X 3...health issues we have had our share but we have always managed to be there for one another.

Since I guess maybe September another alter has been popping in...and saying things that were out of character for him... in regards to the life we have...he made it plain he did not want a wife or children or anyone around him.. this way fleeting and only would last an hour or two and then Hubby would come back and not remember anything but lost time.

I always knew he was DID as am I ...and he always knew I was... we accepted whoever was out and so did he. Until this other alter came he berated my 4yr old alter and caused a lot of chaos in my system..but I am not here to talk about that. Just letting you know how he was.

He chose a girl on line to be friends with...she was looking for a "Daddy" cause she likes to wear diapers and he the alter would take virtual trips to the zoo or playground with her...we don't know if she was just role playing or what....but the other alter became very attached to her and has written his feelings down on EP...I can see hubby switch mid story after a few paragraphs of the alter stating that she (the girl) is the dream he'd been searching for to hubby saying you lied and that is why I can not longer be there for you.

The alter was planing on leaving...no there is no real evidence of this...no plane ticket no packed bags but he was trying to get a debt card on our account...Hubby found out when the card was reported as stolen...cause of suspicious charges...things he bought her... the alter even went on line and let her pick out her own card...Hubby didn't know any of this he only lost time. A lot of time.


I am trying to get my head around this as is he...but for now he is mentally shut down and emotionally shutdown...he was devastated yesterday....I understand where he is but I don't know how to help him...

Any and all advice would help...Thank You.





elderwitch47 elderwitch47 46-50, F 3 Responses Nov 16, 2012

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My suggestion is the financial. I believe there is a way to completely block the ability to make online purchases. Ask your card provider. Changing the PIN may also help.

thank you we have done that and things are better now :)

I only want to say that it is good that EP has a large enough membership that two people with husbands of such a rare disorder are able to give and get support and share experiences with each other. : )

yes thank you for introducing me to her :)

I have never had any of those problems with my husband. All the adult alters fell in love with me. There is one I'll call E, that came out when he was 14 and is now 22-25. He always talked about having his own life, but never acted on it. I am like a sister to him.

Just recently this week my husband began integrating his alters. Come to find out E is my husbands core. He is what my husband always wanted to be or the core of what he would have been if he didn't dissociate.

I wish I could help you more on this. The alter is probably very fragmented from your husband. There isn't much cooperation going on with them. All I can suggest is to try and build a relationship of some sorts with him. How old is the alter?

we believe that he is 17 or 18 and he was loner then traveled across the US hitching the whole way... and there is no communication going on Hubby is freaked and shut down...no emotions not thoughts on auto .

The teens are really hard. When they come out like this they usually want their own life. I am in the process of dealing with something similar to that with E. Your hubby will eventually come back around. There may be more that come out as well. I know it has to be hard for you having DID as well. Just try to make a connection with him and gain his trust. That is really all you can do that I know of. Your hubby is feeling numb, I suppose. Mine went through this in the beginning when all the new alters were coming out. Hang in there!

thanks Lisa...right now I am backing off cause the only one who will talk to him is so angry...so i am trying to stay out and keep our mouths shut...but that it is really hard... at least i know i won't destroyed if he takes off cause I have lived thru worse... I mean I love him with all my heart as do all of my alters...but if he chooses to go I will let him...I only want him to be happy.

Oh dear. Most likely the alter will have to be dealt with internally. Ask other alters for help in stopping him.

There is honestly no way to explain this kind of pain to just anyone and I'm so thankful for this group do to that.I hope things are calming down and communication is becoming easier for you. I sometimes can't wrap my mind around my partner not being able to communicate with his mean 17 year old and get upset with him instead as I don't have multiples. You are so strong in your understanding do to the situation. Do you see a councelor together? I've gone through some very scary times and feel the same.....if he needs to go....but the mean one is the only one that is like this to me and only comes out very rarely. Please update id like to hear how things have gone...hope all is well

Things have settled down but only cause hubby is out of state... we are in the process of moving to a warmer place and he is scouting possible homes for us...

It is difficult to understand cause as he says they all look alike on the outside... but i look at the phrases used or even the way they sit as a clue...

We have never attended counseling together...and he has gone in the past while in the service and I have gone over the years...but we feel that some counselors can do more harm than good... especially with DID's .

It is scary when the person you love starts acting mean to you and you remember what went down and then the real person comes back and doesn't have a clue... that is an Uh..Oh! moment for sure... Just remember to keep yourself safe... when his alter would come out we would just calmly back out of the room and not confront them...cause it would only get them so say more hurtful things and cause it was not the one we loved and who loved us... later i would let him know what happened...as gently as i could...

If you would like to talk more please feel free to contact me here anytime.

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