The Mean One

I always have to let out a big breath hide in the basement (my little sanctuary) and drink a beer before I write. So many things have happend since my partner has come to terms with the fact that he has mpd. I wish I had kept a journal since the beginning although I've been on servival mode w him every second and a mother too so the moments I have alone I don't want to write. But now in retrospect....
This is not the topic of my post though. What is the topic is the mean one that doesn't have a name but a huge presence when he wants to. He has been my good friend when we were buddies before we were dating now he comes out once in a while and gets waisted has tried to kiss a good friend of mine and has been violent with me. When jason comes back he has horrible meltdowns finding out what's happend to the point that I don't want to tell him...but I have to. He has gone to mental health terrified of this alter and just to get help but the state of washingtons insurance won't recognize DID and he is feeling helpless and so am I.his self worth lowers and my feelings of safety do too. I have to put out there that we have our kids week on week off and he barely shifts when the kids are around and the mean one never comes out then but when we are alone its always a gamble and he never remembers unlike what happens with the other alters....huh I wrote it...its out...oh but wait what do you do with the feelings of not wanting to tell your partner because you want to protect them from further depression and not being able to confide in your friends because they will be scared for you when 99% of the time you are with loving beautiful sweethearts....its lonely sometimes.
ruthieargyle ruthieargyle
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Hi, I understand and it does get very lonely, especially when switching takes place.
Is it at all possible for your partner to go to therapy?
It is very important that he see a therapist who has experience in dealing with DID.
The angry one is the one that normally hurts the most and suffered the most. Anger is a by product of hurt and emotional pain, hence the drinking aswell.
Try and befriend him and get him to talk, you may hear some things you don't want to as abuse is never pretty. I keep telling myself it's not about me and then have to find time to get away even for a few hours and just breath and think about other things and then go back and be the support that is needed.
I am here if you need to talk about how you feel and what you dealing with and also if you have any questions. This is the reason I joined ep to be of support to people with DID and those who love them.
Hope you all have a great day today.

thank you so much! we are looking into a place in new orleans that specializes in DID. it is so hard to find someone that will help in this tiny town. the state of washington doesn't even want to recognize it which makes things almost impossible without private insurance. his self esteem plummets anytime he goes to he mental health clinic. he has so much courage just to step foot in there and then gets told...maybe your a good actor or possibly bi polar/ schizophrenia...take this drug or that. they just dont have the training and funding to deal with it which is actually dangerous for anyone in his state. he finally applied for ssi and got it! so hopefully he can seek out other options. I hear what you are saying and do understand...and try to show that i do to this particular alter. unfortunately he is an antagonist and likes to hover and not let things drop...i cant wait to know this one healthy i bet he will be an amazing man.

I really hope he gets the help he needs, strong meds and the wrong meds are not good. Medical profs who should know and understand about this condition are some of the most ignorent (not all but alot of them). We saw a few befor my friend found someone who understood and was prepared to work with her. I have learn't how to also work with the alters and some of them can be very hurtful. If you can win them over and show you on their side it is a big step as Trust is a big issue. If they ever say "you don't understand" then ask them to tell you a little so that you can understand and explain that you here to help and not judge etc; I really wish you everything of the best and please write me anytime. Even friend me if you wish to. Hope today is a good one for you all. mpde

I would be honest. Most times the ones who seem mean are just misunderstood. Don't fight or argue with them. Try to gain their trust and be a friend to them. They are doing what they know. Hang in there!

Have you asked any other alters about if there is anything they can do to help with the mean one? None of my husbands alters have ever hurt me, though they have threatened. It is hard having no one to talk to, that's how I wound up as close to some of the alters as I have, they stepped in as my support when I had to be the strong one for my husband.

when he first realized this was what he was dealing with there were so many alters coming out and supporting me. now it is 2 alters that surface the one that i was referring to (no name yet) and emmit a sweet little kid that has a hard time speaking and tries to get the mean one to stop which just creates painful interactions which my partner hears constantly. I miss the others that i was so close to when we were friends i wish there was a way to communicate with them. thank you for your support...it isnt as bad as when i wrote the story but its still present...hopefully we can find a therapist soon that truly understands.