Does It Get Better?

This is a little self indulgent, maybe that's not the right word, basically I needed to put "pen" to paper to get a few things out that have been eating at me and put them down here. It probably doesn't flow too well and the thoughts may seem like a shattered window with no rhyme or reason to their placement. Here we are 15 months after I found out that my wife was having an affair, 2 months ago my wife's boyfriend dumped her. Good news right? Well this means that I win by default. Not the she wants to be with me, but has decided to stay because he isn't there any more. Why stay?  Well last January after I was told about the affair, we had a very long talk and we made love and she got pregnant. She was really upset and bothered by the pregnancy. My son was born in September. I was supposed to go home for Thanksgiving but she told me that he was coming for a visit and that I couldn't. I told her I wanted a divorce and her response was to tell me that she was going to do everything in her power to make sure that I had no part in my children's lives. She even told our 4 yr old that I wanted a divorce and that I didn't want to be her daddy anymore among other things. I thought it hurt when my wife told me about the affair, but it doesn't hold a candle to your 4 yr old daughter crying on the other end of the phone asking why you don't want to be her daddy and how come I don't like her mommy and she doesn't want to move to grandmas house.  So that was 4 months ago. I don't remember what I told my daughter, it breaks my heart all over again to talk about it. I am biding my time. I know my wife dozen't want anything to do with me. She pretends well, but I can see through it.  She said she was glad he broke it off, that way she didn't have to do it. But she was really mad and then went as far as to tell him that he couldn't just leave, because she might be pregnant and wanted to know why was he ending it.  She even sent him a message a week back to ask him some question and his response to her was as follows... "I asked you to marry me and you said no. It was a blessing. I have moved on now and you should go live your life."  So this deep committed, relationship that was meant to be and was the most wonderful thing ever, ever, ever is not only over, but he has already moved on. But he wasn't in it for the sex, he asked her to send him nude pics and to do web cam shows (you know the kind) for him and it wasn't about the sex. She says that I only care about sex and that's all I want is to get laid. My wife and I have not been intimate in over a year, That was the last time that i was intimate with any one. I asked her if all I cared about was sex then why haven't I tried to get laid. She has no answer to that. It is not a good feeling to know you're being used. I applied for a job that would have me home everyday if I get it. Then maybe we can actually work on fixing your marriage. If not then at least I would be in a much better position to get partial custody of my children. As a truck driver I am gone for 4-8 weeks at a time on the road..

JackDempsey JackDempsey
1 Response Mar 10, 2010

im so sorry. its so difficult for young ones to understand mommy and daddy aren't getting along and are divorcing but they both still love the children. your wife should have known the life of a driver. it takes a lot of strength to be a truckers wife. I KNOW I was one for about 12 yrs. but I was faithful...he wasn't...but weve moved passed that, and he's now a mechanic for truckers. it takes true commitment and love to be faithful while separated for long periods of time. it takes a strong heart and faith..and forgiveness.. to move past the pain infedelity. life is hard enough for all of uswithout the added stress of another person thrown in the picture. my heart goes out to your children. they learn what we teach them, and are s much smarter than we give them credit for. be strong for her!! she will eventually learn who was the loving parent keeping her in mind..

I totally agree! She is so selfish to hurt the children by pushing her selfish thoughts on them