I found about 15 or so fb messages back and forth between my husband and his coworker. They don't necessarily work in the same office but they do have to work together. The messages said things like "luv u","if I tell u what it means will u kiss me?" YUCK! I didn't find any text messages from his phone to her or calls or emails. He did send a really flirty email to another woman. She lives far away, but that doesn't matter to me. He was pursuing a relationship with anyone in hopes that it would become physical. Anyway, I haven't really decided what to do. It's still fresh in my memory, I just found out 6 weeks ago. So he's deactivated his fb account.And I'm reading all his emails and such. I dislike doing that the most. I used to say my husband was honest to a fault and that was my favorite attribute about him. So I know we need counseling, but I don't want to!
peachatheart peachatheart
31-35, F
3 Responses May 23, 2012

marriage does not mean that the partners start to possess or own each other

You should go to counseling even if it's alone. You definitely can't trust him. This doesn't sound like the situation many of us experienced where our spouses suddenly had such strong feelings for someone else that they decided to have an affair, emotional or otherwise. It sounds like he's just looking to get laid. Neither situation is good, but I think someone who was just overcome by emotion once during a relationship is more trustworthy than someone who is out there trying to get sex anywhere they can. The emotional thing requires chemistry and several things to fall into place to happen, and many people learn from it and never do it again.

My guess is that what is worse about this than finding all the messages was finding that your spouse was not who you thought they were. By that I mean you thought they were completely honest and trustworthy...but had that illusion shattered. I have been there.

You are absolutely correct. I can barely look him in the eye sometimes. He's just not who I thought he was. Now, when I look at him all I can think is "LIAR"!

I totally understand. The lying is the worst part. My husband has lied over and over again, and I don't even think he feels bad about what he has done. He is just mad about getting caught.