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A Stalker's Howl

 

My story is very unusual and very different from anyone else's, yet I share it with you, so that you might gain a new perspective--a perspective I think might help you.

Like you, I have lived with a stalker. This stalker has victimized me and destroyed my career. Because of this stalker, I don't have children and my whole family is miserable. I might even become homeless one day. Yet in contrast to you, I cannot run from this stalker because I AM the stalker.

I am a relative attractive young woman with long blonde hair and green eyes. I have a college degree and people say I'm multi-talented. Very few know that I have a stalking problem and that because of this stalking problem, I have destroyed my whole life. Sometimes, I feel like some warewolf: people assume that I'm this sweet, young lady when in fact I'm a "monster". There had been times when I had gone stalking and ironically, the cops would stop me on the street, tell me that it was dangerous at night and offer to escort me safely to my car...

Yes, I have had my share of my "victims." I'll tell you about a few of them.

My first "victim" was a professor at the university where I studied towards my college degree. This man was a good friend of mine, though with time, he became uncomfortable when I started following him to the bus stop, giving him expensive gifts and acting like a dog towards him.  Yet, over time, he realized that I was not violent and he came to like me. Yes, my victim became a friend and has kept in touch with me for years with e-mails. So, what was the harm?

The harm that came from this stalking experience was that I lost my reputation at the university. All my teachers thought that I was having an affair with this guy. At the time, I had a chance to go and work on my Ph.D at another, better university. I passed on an opportunity to get a Ph.D in order to remain close to my "victim". In the end, he did not lose anything... But, I lost my chance to get a good career and a Ph.D degree.

I'll tell you about my 2nd victim. My 2nd victim was this lady called Homaira with whom I worked at a JCPenney store. She was from Afghanistan and she liked me SO MUCH because she was lonely and far from her family. Well, I became obsessed with Homaira...

Nothing bad happened to Homaira because of my obsession with her, but a lot of bad things happened to me. Number one, I dropped out of school because I started dropping classes in order to be around her all the time. She started to distance herself from me once co-workers gossiped about her and her funny relationship with me... I lost my job because the bosses thought that I was conspiring with Homaira to steal merchandise and sell it overseas. I almost lost my life, too, because Homaira went to Afghanistan for some time and I wanted to follow her. The only reason I didn't go to war-torn Kabul was because I couldn't get a visa and pay thousands of dollars for the trip. Eventually, Homaira stopped talking to me. I kept following her (she was foreign, so she didn't get me in trouble or anything), but later I found myself another victim and left Homaira alone.

The new victim was Yvette, a lady with whom I worked at Younkers. At first, we were great buddies and soon I became OBSESSED with her. To spend time around her, I began getting into serious debt; every day, I would come and shop from her. I would buy things from her, which I didn't even need just to get her to talk to me. So much wasted money! Eventually, she turned me in to security and accused me of pestering her...

The bosses prohibited me from talking to her. I didn't want any trouble, so I obeyed them. But the harm had been done: everybody thought I was crazy and eventually, I got fired and banned from all stores with which Younkers is affiliated.

I was so upset that I decided to leave town and forget all about my victims. I moved to Daytona Beach to live with my family. At first, I was pretty good, but soon a new obsession and new problem developed. One day, as I was strolling down the beach an unattractive, old lifeguard started chatting with me. He was nice, but so unattractive that I thought nothing would happen...

Well, before I knew it, I became obsessed with the guy: I started following him, hanging around him, asking him out, bringing him staff, finding out info about him... At first, he became worried and distanced himself from me, which only made me more frustrated, upset, and persistant. I was hurt and angry that an uneducated man, twice my age was uninterested in me, when other girls could get older guys to want them so badly that the men would fulfill all their whims and caprices...

Over time, the lifeguard realized that I was harmless and he started acting friendly again, so I backed off a little--but just a tiny, tiny bit, meaning I took one step forward and two steps back. Still, he tolerates me and confides in me. The problem is that while nothing bad is happening to him, a lot of bad things are happening to me. For example, I don't make enough money because instead of working as much as I should, I'm always hanging around him. I now have an opportunity to go to college again and get my Ph.D. But, because of my obsession, I don't want to leave Daytona. I don't even get to do anything fun because I'm always going for walks by his house, instead of tanning out on the beach.

I hope that my story shows all of you, victims of stalking, that stalkers are not evil monsters: they are people, like you, who are as badly affected by their problem as you. Try to think about their families. Do you have any idea what their parents and grandparents are going through due to their condition?

My family's going through hell because of me. I haven't told anyone in my family about my problem because they have already had enough worries because of me. My mom's so upset because she would like me to get married (or involved in a healthy, romantic relationship) and for me to get my Ph.D and a good career. But, I can't do it because of my obsession problems. I cannot even hold a job because I always get obsessed with someone...

The worst is that there's so little help available for stalkers. I had been reading about treatment for stalkers and most psychologists say that there's little research done on stalking and no concrete treatment plan. And of course, treatment costs a fortune. I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on psychiatrists... So, I hope that my story shows you that stalkers are not all night-time monsters; they can be misguided people, who have wasted a lot of valuable time, money, resources, and career opportunities into relationships that are sadly doomed to fail.

To understand how "your" stalker feels, go back to your earliest childhood memories. Think of a time when you were little and you wanted something. Maybe it was a lollipop or another colorful ball. Your parents told you you already had enough toys and candy and refused to buy it. So, you started crying.

At first you cried because you couldn't get what you wanted. Your parents got mad that you were crying. So, they yelled at you. When they yelled at you, you started crying louder. So, they began screaming. You got upset that your parents were screaming, so you began wailing louder...

It's the same way with a stalker. They begin stalking, so you distance yourself. And when you distance yourself, they go through mental hell (they suffer as much as you would suffer if your dearest loved one left you). In turn, they begin to make your life hell..

thekissofthetraitor thekissofthetraitor 26-30, F 10 Responses Aug 16, 2007

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Except the victim never asked to be stalked. These people had bad things happen to them, enough tat they had you banned from the premises and got worried. You didn't rape or murder anyone, but having someone stalk and harass you can be terribly hurtful.

I don't feel bad for you. You have a problem, but instead of getting help for it you are making excuses. I don't have the money, I can't tell my family, etc. Then you make excuses so you can continue to stalk them.

You know what ?<br />
I DON'T feel sorry for you. I came to site to talk to other people in my situation not people who cause them. Are you seriously going to tell stalker victims or their loved ones to think about how their stalker feels?! I don't give a ****! Your rights are taken away when you invade others. Not every stalker is just obsessive to no violent point. If people chose to distance theirself from someone, they have that right. It's a RIGHT. People die or lives or aspect of their lives are ruined because of stalkers. This looks like a place for you to do your "next victim shopping." You know you have a problem, you know how to get help, all of these so called problems you have, you burdened yourself with. Additionally your debt, lack of friends, lack of jobs, and lack of phd would still be lacking if you saught out help. But then again it must be much cheaper to just write a blog to change victim minds and make a little more 'okay' to prowl around other people's private lives.

I agree with this 10000%

Yawn.<br />
I guess some people like the word “stalker” - sounds dramatic. But you don’t have a stalker and you are not a stalker. Find the correct group and look for a therapist.

So...let's see...the problem is that we don't pay enough attention to stalkers. If we did, then they would not obsess about us.....I don't buy it. Sorry. All research regarding stalkers shows that the more attention you pay to a stalker or obsessed person, the more attention they want. No one has the right to invade another's privacy and make life difficult for him or her. And others are not obligated to pay attention to stalkers in the hope (and a very slim one) that they will decide they have had enough attention from us and then just go away.<br />
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You seem to have some real understanding of your problem. Look for a mental health facility that charges according to income (or lack of one). Start with your local public health clinic. It is true psychologists and psychiatrists often do not know how to treat an obsessive person or a stalker but since you do have so much insight into your situation and are so unhappy about it, maybe you would be a good candidate for some anti-obsessive medication and some psychotherapy. You owe it to yourself and to others to try.

well thats cool the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one and you alreadt done that good luck and I hope you go back to get your degree

I appreciate your story, and your brave to share it with us, I give you props for sharing it, I am sure it wasn't easy to recognize that you have issues, but it was somewhat insightful to what is going on in the mind of the Stalker...because I do have one that is making my life some type of hell, so I thank you for this....<br />
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Seven

Your problem is that you dont have any self respect. A man is valued only if he makes himself valueable. you have made yourself worthless.

Its a good story. different perspective

Aside from the words above, I think this is a fresh perspective. I appreciate your honesty. Takes balls to admit to such a thing, my friend.<br />
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Good read. Need a talk? I'm over here.

Here is the truth of what I think: <br />
1. You are very honest BUT this group was made for people who are STALKED, not people doing the stalking. <br />
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2. SO, I honestly feel uncomfortable with you in the group. You have to understand that the rest of us are victimized and traumatized by people like you, the stalkers, who I never denied have problems of their own. It's clear that you do. But you have to realize that this, to some of us, is very traumatic having a self confessed stalker in our group. <br />
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3. Advice: please leave this group and start your own group for people in your situation. That's what this site is for. Try "I have a stalking problem." And you WILL meet others like you. You can talk to people in your situation... unlike here, people may fear being cyber-stalked by you. I truthfully fear that. I nearly had an anxiety attack while I was reading your post because of what I was put through for 10 years and continue to go through.<br />
So please, make a groupe for people in your situation and leave this group for people on the recieving end of stalking.<br />
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I don't mean to sound harsh (that should be clear), but I made this group for a reason and this isn't it. Sorry.