Free.I am free. Finally.
It was an unexpected burst of negative though I felt nothing for a couple days before that. Yesterday. Yesterday just became the worst day for me and at the same time perfect. Better than ever... Because I don't love a man who couldn't care less about me. All what had to happen was for him to do things I absolutely hate and for me to realize that by being himself he doesn't attract me. It used to, but then maybe that wasn't himself... But now I'm just a bag of money to him. Maybe always has been, but I was too blind to realize it before. I even limited myself, I wouldn't allow myself to think about anyone or hang out with any of my guy friends because I was "being loyal" to him. What a foolish thing to do, now that I think about it, I feel a little stupid. Of course most of people that are "in love" do stupid things. But now I can just live my life without doing anything ridiculous because of him. I'm glad I never told him I had those feelings. I'm glad they're gone. Maybe I should even thank him for making me furious yesterday, because in the midst of that I realized: "I can't love a man like him."
He is not who I love anymore, not my life and does not live in my head anymore or in my fantasies.
Thank you God, for staying with me all this time, because I know that your love is perfect and special and you will always love me.