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New Found Freedom

Although this is a website that I am fairly new to, I have never been able to put all my thoughts and feelings into one piece of text and read it back to my self before. Here I can type things down, and arrange my thoughts in a way that helps me to work things through. This is a little bit about why I have made three postings in such a short time, now this is what this post is about...

My life is generally a normal life, however things have happend, been said and been done that I often need to work through. Starting with the smaller thing right now ever though it is a huge part of my life, I am going off to university next year, but have given no real thought as to what I want to do there and am completely unprepared for my future right now.

Second, I am in love with a girl that barely recognises that I exist, I have mentioned this girl a few times in my other posts, even made one completely about her, but she is on my thoughts alot recently and when trying to arrange my thoughts it is thinking of her that often distracts me.

Third, my older sister, recently told us that she was pregnant, my 20 year old sister was going to have a baby. This was huge, she is immature and is completely unprepared for something this big to happen and although that sounds bad, she would make a great mother somehow and she would have the support of me and my family. However today, she fears that she may of miscarried the baby, and that has crushed her, she went to the hospital but they only said she had to come back tommorow, great help that was right.

Fourth, my Farther. I have never met my Farther, he has never been apart of my life, this is due to the fact that before I was born, whilst my Mum was pregnant with me he set the house on fire with her, my older sister, and my Mum's friend inside. Following this, me then went on to pose as a taxi driver and raped several women, before being caught and sentenced. This was many years ago, but a year ago he was released and is now living his life doing God knows what in Reading. This is something that has always been in the back of my head, and to be fair who could forget something like this, once your told your Farther is a monster how do you ever get past that. But more so recently because while he has never attempted contact, his sister, my Aunt who I did not ever know existed made contact over the Internet expressing a wish to meet her Niece and Nephew.

So there you have it, the four things I have going through my head right now, down for the world to see. Yet reading them back it really does seem to help being able to read my thoughts aloud.
scottpaul scottpaul 19-21, M 1 Response Nov 18, 2007

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Thank you for sharing your story. I recognize some attributes of my own story I have yet to share...but can relate to most of your story. I currently attend university, have been in love with someone who did not love me back, was the immature 20 year old who got pregnant, and had a step father who I call the monster man, although my experience was not even close to yours I can relate to not knowing my real father. Thank you again for sharing your story and giving me cause to face my own.