In sixth grade I started talking to this guy who liked my friend, he wanted me to see if she liked him and all, and she didn't. Because he isn't always the likebale type to people. The next year in seventh grade, we began talking again. He was telling me about his depression, and how he cut, and his eating disorder..Originally, I was happy, and didn't ven think someone who cut themselves on purpose. So I was stupid and was like "how? are you okay?" Then it clicked he did it on purpose. He kept telling me about his problems, and then (yes I still know the exact date he asked me out) On November 22 2011 he asked me out and I was like yeah of course! (I really really liked him!) Through that time I started getting depressed, and I even started cutting (yes I was 11 when I started) We dated almost four months. Somewhere around the end of the second month he changed, I was depressed and he was yelling at me, he was blaming himself for my depression,and cutting, even when I wasn't and I still don't.

During February, he was calling me a **** and a ***** (while we were still dating!!) and I also found out he had be cheating on me. He kissed me on Valentines Day, and I got super unconfortable so I broke up with him. I felt kinda bad. Everyone thought he broke up with me. A few months later, one of his best friends admitted he had a crush on me for about a year, and we talked a little but never dated. Once we broke up my depression lightened a bit and I stopped cutting and I hid the scars from my family and friends quite well.

I went into eighth grade (the high school) and in November or 2012 I started cutting again, by that time everyone in my grade had found out about my cutting, so all my friends knew and they began to yell at me. Our "group" began to split apart little by little and I was apparently the cause. My cutting and depression was the worse it had ever been, and I eventually developed an eating disorder. I would make myself late on purpose, so I would skip breakfast, and I would either "forget" my lunch or throw it out. My friends honestly didn't notice because every once in a while I would have some carrot sticks or some type of fruit.

Although at this point, my self harming was bad, it was never bad enough to leave scars that lasted more then a month. So it was easy to keep them hiden from my friends. I had become a vegetarian, it was an easy way to eat less. In December I met this boy through friends. We were at a basketball game, and I was texting this guy. (my ex's friend from seventh grade) He asked me out... and I felt super bad so I just said yes. After a week or something I broke up because it was stupid. In March I started dating the guy from the Basketball game.

He is christian, so he inturduced me to his youth group, I loved it. Everyone was super nice, and his mother was like my real mom. I went to her instead of my real mom with all my problems. One of my friends siblings saw my cuts one day, and told her mom. My mom got called, and in April my mom found out about my self harming. She told me about the past of our family and how she and my two older brothers have depression also. I stopped cutting on April 27 2013. I met a girl, she was a junior at the time, she helped me with everything. She always knew what was wrong,a nd knew how to make me feel better. She was practically my sister.

I got sent to a conselor, first a guy. I only went once. I hated him. Then a girl, she was super nice, and pretty. I really liked her. I could tell her anything, and I actually liked it. I was in conceling with her for about a month and a half, maybe two months. It was a little ways away, and expensive, so my mom made me switch to some old lady in my town. I didn't like her. I felt as if she had no clue what she was doing. I went through about five months of counceling with her. (I lied my way through) I was leaving for Germany the begining of August, so i would have a month off of counceling. I had a lot of fun in Germany, my depression went away and I was happy!

I came back from Germany and my parents decided I didn't need counceling anymore! I started school up again, I was going into ninth grade. It wasn't that bad. I repatched my friendship with all my friends and we could tolerate eachother again. A quarter way through the year we started fighting again. My friend blamed me for her "cutting" and depression. She only scratched once, and while that is bad, I wasn't the one who made her do it. She did it on her own. My depression came back and I was trying to stay at the weight I was at 100 pounds. I did most of the way through that grade, at the end of the year, I stopped eating again. My friend who was now a senior was leaving and I got kinda sad that she was leaving, I got depressed when my brother moved out when I was ten.

At some point during ninth grade, I started cutting again, I'm not sure when. By cutting I mean, using needles and pins, anything but a razor. I ended up doign more with the pins then the razor. (My scars still havent faded yet. its been about six months) So now, my technical real self harm clean is 8.17.14. I cut on Sunday.

So I kinda have two clean. My clean from razors; 3.27.13 which is the one I normally go by. Plus my latest one 8.17.14
PierceTheGreen PierceTheGreen
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 19, 2014

Dang, I'm so sorry all that had happened. I know how you feel about everything. :( I just hope that nothing like that never happens to you again. I'm a good person to listen to things, so if you ever want to talk about, just let me know and I'll be here for you

Wow...That's quite the life...I'm sorry to hear that, really sorry. I know how you feel, as I had a period of my life that was exactly like this, and it's sorta getting back into it. If you ever need to vent or talk about it, I'm here for you.