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My Promiscuous 16 Year Old Daughter

I really dont know what to do with her, she has a different boyfriend every week. She lives with my sister and shes always running away to meet strange guys from the internet that she doesnt know. Sometimes these guys she meets are older than i am...the police said theres nothing they can do now that she is 16...im worried that she will end up dead in a ditch. i have told her about the dangers and she doesnt even care says it is her life...what am i supposed to do???
tigerbabe13 tigerbabe13 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 9, 2012

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I was a promiscuous teenager growing up, but now I am a married woman at the age of almost 20. She is probably looking for that male attention she lacked being given as a child. She wants boys to pay attention to her, to tell her she's beautiful, to feel wanted by the opposite sex, and to be loved by the opposite sex. In today's society, in order for a woman to receive a person's affection you must be vulnerable and willing to do anything to win that affection. It took me five years to figure out: I was a sex addict (where I got therapy for), I was boy crazy (now I am no longer because it led me no where), I caught chlymida (which was treated quickly), and I was in a state of depression. You need to put your foot down - please show her this post I am sending to you. And the police can do something, they just won't. I was raped twice in my life, sold by a boyfriend for money and drugs, and I have been beaten by every many who stepped into my life. My husband is the first man to take me on dates, never beat me or yell at me for anything, and love me unconditionally. If she is still continuing this behavior she will soon learn the consequences of living for today rather than understanding tomorrow.

With love,

Ms. Listen & Hear

Love her. Show her that she is important. Show her she is a capable young woman. Pay attention to her. Support any small good choice that she makes even if it is only a minor one. That will hopefully lead to a boost inher self esteem and she may stop searching for negative attention.

<p>In a sense I think all of the strategies proposed here (except the "support groups") are bound to fail. At 16, she is fundamentally an adult and able to make her own choices. That is the key...treat her like an adult, a misguided adult, perhaps, but an adult nonetheless. That means not cleaing up after her. That means not paying for her sins yourselves. Her character was set before she was six. There may have been things you don't know about, like molesting by boyfriends you may have trusted. </p><p>When a girl is acting out as she is, she is telling you that there are huge empty places in her that are not being filled. What would happen if you were safe to talk to for her, instead of the mom that is going to yell hat her for her mistakes. What would happen if you asked her about what she did today, and whether she got what she was looking for? What would happen if you redefined her in your own mind as a wonderful person who is making some bad decisions, and chose to focus on all that she is doing right? Even if she is only dressing well and doing a good job with makeup or accessorizing. </p><p>Parents have the misguided notion that they can control 16 yr olds (or 13 yr olds for that matter). You can't. You can only build a relationship where they can trust you to do the right thing for them, but not facilitate their mistakes. They have to make their mistakes. It sounds as if your daughter has no strong and good man or men in her life. That is a void girls go to great lengths to fill, and will gladly let a man do her in order to be with him. You are a young mom to have a teen daugther. When I was your age, my daughter was 5 or 6. I think the support group idea for both you and sister is the best idea, if there is one around. If there isn't, look up a good church. Clergy spend a lot of time working with troubled youth. Look for a larger church though. Smaller churches often have enough issues and not as many resources to help.</p>

How's your daughter doing now?

She has a boyfriend her own age now....but with her who knows how long it will last...

This must be so taxing on you. How are you doing? I'm 19 and I was somewhat like your daughter. I meant a man who was 36 online when I was 17 and slept with him. For me it was scary. I hated it. But I hated myself too I didn't respect myself at all and would give myself to anybody. Have you two ever been close?

we are close but right now she hates all the family...

Join a parent support group for challenging teenagers in your neighbourhood.
Actually, if you are interested , PM me and as we are pretty close by,(I don't want to mention cities) I will send you the information and contacts for it.

It really does help A LOT!

The facilitators have gone though it with thier now 20's kids you are NOT alone.

You need to empower yourself and try to mainain a stable front because if you are grounded it will only benefit her. Yes I know it's pretty impossible because you are sick with worry..I have sympathy and empathy. However we have to take care of ourselves first. For we are their strength.

They will individuate and that is unavoidable.

We need to set boundaries. WE have to have appropriate consequences which WE FOLLOW THROUGH On, i am not so good with that...

Also you need to have your NON NEGOTIABLES, things UNaccptable if she does and for which you will impose a consequence, and follow through.

Ok I just re read your story~she is living with your sister so the sister will have to be in charge of all I have mentioned and she will need to attend the meetings since she is the primary care giver position I am presuming.
If both of you share the custody and care it's most beneficial for BOTH (you and your sister) of you to go.
She is YOUR child so it affects you the most and is most painful for you.

PS in the group there are always suggestions and strategies and support of the members.

Are you sure your not talking about my daughter? She does the same stupid ****!! Of course she is 19 and has a son. But you just can not talk sense to some kids. I worry about her getting killed and dumped in a ditch. If you tell her that, she just smiles and laughs it off. It is very frustrating!!

There is nothing you can do now.The time for doing something was when she was young and being guided by you but too late now.She has tasted what the world has to offer.

Sounds like she needs tough love. As a child, how did you raise her? Were you strict or lenient with her when she disobeyed? Is their any siblings or cousins her age that might be able to get threw to her. If not, I would get her in a 24 hr behavior rehab place were they hopefully help her. Good luck.

Sounds like you need to get her some help. Find out why she feels the need to be promiscuous, of course she will not tell you but maybe she will share with someone else. Do you talk to any of her friends to find out what's going on?

She doesnt have any real friends...and she used to see a psychiatrist but wont go anymore...

That's tough, are any of her so called friends demonstrating the same behavior? Does she suffer from depression? What is your sister doing to help her?

well...my daughter has always had behavioral problems she was always rebellious...she is bi polar...my sister bought her a cell phone(i told her not to) so she could get ahold of her but my daughter uses it to contact these guys...nobody can handle my daughter :(

Is she taking her medication, if not try slipping it in with her food. In California if your child is behaving badly you can turn them over to the court to take control until they have gotten help. Does Canada not allow that or have anything like that? Of course it is not something you want to do, but she needs help so nothing happens to her. People in this world can be crazy.

She takes her meds most days...i dont think u can do that in canada...if u are charged with assault u can be ordered to get help...but even tho she has assaulted my sister, my sister wont call the police...its a screwed up complicated situation...

actually she needs to call the police there are special places she will be sent to perhaps a hostel not even the police station. Again the group can help you with this information. Kids need to know there are consequences in LIFE it is never too late. Also, think of it this way. She will see her aunt taking care of herself and not suffer the abuse. It is a lesson in life your daughter will internalize. TO NOT suffer abuse but to take it to the authorities who can help and intervene. We all have to put our lives first, this will be a demonstration that that is NOT acceptable . Assault is a NON negitiable. ETC etc etc... It will be so good for you two to work together at a group to help yourselves and your daughter.

Just don't give up hope, she will come out of it. It may take years. But they can and do pass through this insanity.

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