Cysts On Thyroid Making Me Anxious....

I love to read, and I always thought that if I ever were in need of a great mental escape a good book would be the perfect fix. Instead I spent fifteen days reading a book that under normal circumstances I could have read in one day. This is just an example of how distracted I have become due to worrying about my health issues. It all started a day or two after thanksgiving.

I had been struggling to quit smoking, and the last day that I was going to smoke I found a lump in my throat. Of course my first thoughts were not good. I automatically thought the worst. Then my doctor told me he thought it was my thyroid. I was sent off for an ultrasound scan which I got the results of today. Turns out I have two cysts on my thyroid. Now the doctor knows I have been having panic attacks due to all of this, so I hope him telling me this is common is not a lie. When I google thyroid cyst it says actual cysts are not very common. This of course worries me to no end. The doctor left it up to me to decide if I wanted to investigate further, or wait six months then do another ultrasound scan. I told him that I want to investigate further, and he said that was a good choice. I feel like him making it out like it was my choice was another calming tactic. I could be wrong, but my mind never ceases with it's mad reasoning.

So now I'm going to have to get a nuclear scan done, and a biopsy "just to be sure" the doctors words not mine. He said he doesn't think it's anything to worry about, but that he wanted to be one hundred percent sure. Again, I just feel he's being very careful with how he words everything with me. I'm scared out of my mind....I hope that this is all nothing to be so upset about. I know it's put such a dark cloud over my anticipation of christmas this year. For the first time in a long time all of my christmas shopping is taken care of, and I should be able to enjoy watching my kids faces light up as they guess at what they have. This should be a time of such joy right now, but instead I have this deep fear over shadowing my joy.

I was already making all the right changes in my life, but this really made me speed things up. I have now dedicated my life to living according to God's will. I'm really excited about this, and I hope to be able to live my life for him for many, many years to come. I'm going to school right now to get my GED, and I hope to eventually become a nurse. After my kids are finished with school, and settled I plan on going where ever God needs the services of a nurse. I would like to work for free in third world countries. It's always been my dream to sell everthing I have, and provide a much needed service in exchange for enough food to sustain me, and a dry, warm place to sleep. I'm working towards this goal everyday now, and I hope one to be able to be of great use for God's works.

If you happen to read this I want to thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. If you pray I would greatly appreciate being added to your prayer list. I love my kids, and want to be here to raise them. If you have been through this please share your story with me. I would appreciate it. Also if you're in need of prayers please let me know in the comments, and I'll add you to my prayers. I love you, and Jesus loves you too.
smilesatyou smilesatyou
31-35, F
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

I'm trying so hard to not be scared....Everyonce in a while it all becomes too much, and I break down crying. I just wish I had someone beside me to hold my hand, and tell that everything's going to be ok. I mean my mom's here, but she has to work, and I'm such a mess right now that I'm very much like a child in this state. I just pray that everything will be ok, and that I worry so deeply for nothing.