Toxic Father and Sister

I have already given some background in my other post on female friends, but to recap:

My mum was ill before and after I was born and was my best friend in the world. Sadly, I lost her when I was 20. It changed my life and my world...and my family. The day my mum died was the day my family disintegrated.

My father had never really bothered with me even as a child..he pushed me away emotionally and verbally. My sister who was 6 when I was born didn't take to me either. She often told me growing up how much she resented me and how things were better before I came along.

so, I ended up growing up very alone.

I endured a great deal of verbal and mental abuse from my father and sister over the years and had all kinds of rubbish slung at me from it was my fault that my mum was ill to "you're useless and a waste of space", "you're fat - no man would want you" and that was from my father!

Anyway, I think things only really changed when I met my husband in 2003. He is a diamond and has been my rock throughout some very tough times and he reflected back to me how unhealthy and unacceptable their treatment was.

He never ever tried to tell me what to do or how to handle them, bless him, to his credit he was simply there for me, picking up the pieces and quietly seething to himself.

So, things finally came to a head a couple of years ago. I woke up early one morning and decided that was it, I wasn't going to take it anymore.

My so-called father was still thinking he had the right to have a go at me and make snide little malicious comments even after I was a married woman and my husband was then put in a very difficult position of feeling unsure as to how much he could intervene.

So, I sat down very early one morning and wrote my father a very long, emotional and honest email as I knew I would never get the chance to say those things face-to-face and I even left the door open for him if he felt he could be honest with me and apologise.

I never heard from him again.

My sister and I agreed, probably for the sake of my niece and nephew as much as anything, to try and have an adult relationship with each other, agreeing NOT to discuss the situation with our father (as she is his lap-dog and very much under his control - despite us having to move away from the area when I was very young as she was out of control and had a very bad reputation concerning the local boys - which seems to have been conveniently forgotten).

Sadly, the agreement between us did not last and several times now she has raised ths subject, tried to manipulate me and emotionally guilt-trip me into calling him which I will not do.

so, once again her and I are not speaking. This seems to continue on and on, but I am now at the point where I need to consider the effect it has on me and my husband.

My sister is indeed holding my niece and nephew to ransom over me and when we don't speak, she ensures the kids don't contact me my eyes that's just plain malice.

I am now pondering whether to just cut my losses and call it a day, despite it hurting like crazy the thought of not seeing the kids anymore, or should I just  keep torturing myself in this unhealthy toxic relationship?




Ratpackfan Ratpackfan
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 23, 2009

I have a similar situation with my brother and my mom. My mom is the toxic one and my brother has to live with her. So in return, he has to agree with her, etc. My brother and I used to be very close when we were little but now I've had to disown my mom because she stressed me out so much that I had a breakdown and went to the mental hospital. He and I still talk but she constantly is asking him about me and b*tching him out for talking to me and he said that she even blames him for me not talking to her. Which is ridiculous. I'm thinking of cutting him off too until he can get away from her because I believe she's manipulating him. Even though I luv my brother and wish I could talk to him, I have to cut him off also because of my mom. Don't torture yourself. You have to protect your emotional and even physical health, even if it means disowning someone in your family.