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I Don't Know Who She Is Anymore.


My daughter is 17. Over the course of the last week, I have uncovered a completely different reality than the one I thought I was living.

She is doing drugs (marijuana for now), sneaking out, having sex with complete strangers, lying and so much more.  I knew there was something going on with her - but I had no clue it was this severe. I am just sitting here in shock with all the things I've learned and am stunned.

She's leading a completely different life than what I thought she was. I trusted her, I thought she'd come talk to me. She's not who I thought she was and I don't know what to do.

There is more - but I can't even write more. I'm exhausted.
Seezig Seezig 36-40 4 Responses Jun 20, 2010

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I just read your story I hope your situation has improved. . <br />
I think sometimes people are born a certain way and you can not change them whether it be personality wise or a mental, or emotional illness they either fall and learn or they have a sad life. <br />
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We have been through it all with one of our kids the best family therapists, who said we are not the proplem but that our child was and the needed to take responsibility for their life.<br />
The counselers all said how lucky our child was to have such loving parents after all she had put us through...false allegations of us hitting her false phone calls to social services.. We forgave her for it all because we wanted so desperately to help her and let me tell you we were willing to take any blame if we could have our daughter back how she used to be...<br />
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then came intensive group therapy the only thing that did was give her tools to abuse us more and learn bad habbits from evern worse offenders.<br />
We today are cutting the ties we have talked to our daughter until we are blue in the face. We did every type of disapline and had the best doctors. <br />
We are very balanced parents we have one that has a masters degree and one on their way to a good college both kids have been pretty normal teens and a pleasure. We woudl do anything for our kids but it is time for us to say it is tough love. <br />
we will pay for their their college tuition only as long as they are not flunking out and a deposit on a rental unit as we have told them they are no longer welcome in our home we want to give them a leg up and let them then pay for their own rent ect..if they blow their good paychecks from their real job on junk I guess they will be homless.Other then that we are done. I believe some kids are just selfish and the only way to learn is tough love and letting them see the reality of real life.

My child was doing the same there, the only different was the drug that they were addicted to. I didn't know what to do for awhile. I talked to many friends, and they suggested that I changed schools to get him away from the peer pressure that was also helping him with his addiction. I looked everywhere and asked for referrals in places and found that west ridge academy in west jordan was a great place to enroll him. It was a school and a program which helped troubled teens with substance abuse, lying, and many other things.

That sounds really hard to cope with. I am sorry *hugs* Adolescence is a really hard stage for children because there is lots of group pressure and the child usually goes through a lot of confussion. I know you might feel heartbroken by the things she is doing, yet, she is experimenting and pushing the limits to see how far she can go. This does not mean that her behavior is your fault or whatsoever. Its the age she is going through.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this terrible part of parenting. We give them so much of ourselves and love them with our whole hearts. They, and only they (our children) can really break our hearts. And at moments like this, we are truly broken, so I understand your inability to elaborate. If you want to talk, please, message me. I am a good listener and an excellent yakkity-yaker.<br />
For what small help it may be, I was a troubled teen myself at the age of 16. By the time I was 18, I had finished high school, gone to night school at the same time to get a Nurse's Aide certificate, and worked two jobs while doing both of those. I then put myself through LPN school and then college for my R.N. studies. Please, do NOT think she is lost for good. Okay? There IS hope.