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My Troubled 15-year-old Daughter

My name is Debbie and I am the mother of a very troubleed teen daughter, named Brenna. Life for us has been extremely hard for the last few years, starting with my son's diagnosis with ADHD. If all the problems with him were not enough (and OMG, they were), our daughter has gone completely to hell.

In the last two years, we have gone through the following:

  • She has been arrested twice: once for shoplifting, and once for underage drinking
  • She does drugs: pills and marijuana.
  • She drinks a lot
  • She is a cutter and uses this as a way to handle her anger
  • Her grades went from A's & B's to D's & F's
  • She has sneaked out of our house numerous times and sneaked her ex-boyfriend in a few times
  • She has promiscuous sex
  • She thinks she is fat (not at all, tiny) so she will starve herself one minute, then gorge another time, often purging afterwards
  • She's extremely angry all the time
  • Tells us she hates living in our house and would rather live on the streets

I think that's it for now anyway. We never know what is going to happen. Lately, I've been so stressed and depressed because I feel she truly doesn't care about her life or her family. Right now, we know she would benefit greatly from a boarding school or residential treatment center, but we cannot afford those. We've decided to start with counseling and take it from there.

The amount of stress we endure is beyond belief. Our families just do not truly understand how hard this is. My husband and I both have gained weight, me from emotional eating, and him just because we stopped caring about ourselves. We feel at this time in our lives, taking care of ourselves is not an option; we must take care of our kids.

I am so excited to have found this group. I would love to connect with other people who are like us. Feel free to say hi anytime. I'd love to talk with you!

debbiebuck debbiebuck 36-40 31 Responses Jul 17, 2009

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When my daughter was 14 she ran with a wild group. They smoked and stayed out all hours. He was older and I hated that. She stayed with him for 23 months and when she tried breaking up with him he began stalking her. On this terrible night he and some of his friends got into our home. My daughter was only wearing panties when I saw her being held with her arms behind her back. He walked to me and for some reason I didn't resist as my gown was pulled over my head. I'm nude and another boy pulls my arms behind me. I pleaded for them to let my daughter go. Do what you want to me but let her go, I asked? My daughter called him a name, he walked to her and punched her in her belly several times. I heard her painfully grunt and cried for him to stop. He came to me and said, you take belly punches for her. Yes, I said as I tried preparing myself. As he repeatedly punched me in my belly, I felt my breath being knocked out of me and my knees weakening. Pleese stop, PLeease I finally said. He returned to my daughter and severely punched her in her belly until she collapsed. Unfortunately, they raped both of us. First I was forced to be on my hands and knees then they placed me on my back, spread eagle. We were told not to report this or they would return and it would be worse.

Hi there, my name is Sabrina and I have a 14 year old son who is out of control. In the last 18 months, he has taken my car twice during the night, he does and sells drugs, smokes cigarettes, drinks and just this past week, stole a truck from some friends of ours. My son does have issues with his father, ( we have been divorced for 13 years ) but I often tell him that he has to take responsibility for his actions and cannot blame anyone else for his mistakes. I have reached out to CYFS here in my area and I am told we are looking at a 3 month waiting period to see anyone. I am anxious to speak with other parents as well. It would nice to have the emotional support from parents with similar problems

Hi Sabrina! Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I wrote this story 4 years ago but recently have issues with my son too. He's now almost 17 and we'veg one through some of the things with him like you have with your son. I hope you see this and know that I'm here for you if you need a friend who understands!

Hi Debbie, my name is Cooper and my little sister is 16 and she's been going to counseling for about two years because she kept cutting herself. And our whole family knew about it and tried our best to help her. But one day after my mom got home from work, she found my sister on the bathroom floor unconscious surrounded by a puddle of blood from a cut that was down her forearm. And I'll tell you that nothing is worse than finding your daughter on floor with her committing suicide. But thank God the ambulance came in time to save her life. And after that incident, she was sent to a behavioral hospital for many months to help her. And after she came home she has been clean and hasn't cut herself to this day. So I know how your feeling, and my advice is that the best thing to do is to show her what could happen if she keeps going down this road. Because for my sister all it took was one bad scare and she's on the right track now.... So I hope everything goes well with your family.

Hi Cooper, thank you! Things are much better with my daughter now....four years later. She stopped cutting and using drugs. I'm so sorry you and your family endured that...how awful. I hope things are a little better for you now.

Hi Debbie, My name is Joann.I'm going through some of the same things you are.My daughter is 15.Her name is Rita.I feel at a lost right now.I keep talking to her but I feel its going on deaf ears.She says one thing and does another:(I'm taking her to counseling and it doesn't seem to be working:( Rita is happy one min and mad the next.She is ADD.I love her so much and she says, I don't care and she wants me to stay out of her business.I'm not going to do that.I can't...Thanks for listening to me:)Joann

Hi, my name is Lucy, I'm 15 years old and I accidentally came across this group. It kind of made me sick. I thought maybe if I share my story it might help.

My parents never gave me a childhood to be perfectly honest, they had too much else to do, what with two full time jobs and a mortgage the size of Neptune. I feel like I speak with a voice far beyond my years because of the fact that I was forced to grow up way too fast.

Anyway, last year i was in a relationship with an 18 year old boy who was a heroin addict who i was completely in love with, quite stupidly, and i spent nearly every night at his house, drinking and being reckless... But then everything went sour. He started to get too physical with me and i felt trapped, he would hurt me, and i learned to grit my teeth and get through it. Untill November when something horrible happened, someone told him I had cheated on him and he came to my house with a baseball bat... He hit me straight across the ribs and broke three of them, I'm just lucky My friend Ben was there to stop him from doing any more harm. I tried to stay away as much as I could but when he said come I would. On september 23 he passed away from a heroin overdose. I was distraught. No matter how much he hurt me i couldnt stop my infatuation. my relationship with my mother deteriorated and my parents started spending more and more time at my grandfather's house. Eventually they got sick of avoiding their own house and asked me to leave. I moved in with my friend Ben who was 19 and lived in a one bedroom appartment. It started out all innocent, we'd only smoke weed and fool around but then I started taking heroin.. And we started having sex... I owed him my life, I did everything he ever asked me. Eventually that relationship went sour as well because he blamed me for George's death. Now I'm living with a man who owns the guitar shop near where I was living with Ben, I'm working hard and trying quit the heroin, but it's not easy. There are some cases where there are other things causing girls to act out. I feel like if my mother knew half of what I've been through she wouldn't hate me so much, but I can't bring myself to go back to her and tell her.

it must have been hard to come and post this, I give you credit . Also thank you for sharing your story you may have just saved a few girls. It is heart breaking to see beautiful girls go through so much hell. I am going to have my troubled 15 yr old read this in hopes this will help her. Your mother don't hate you sweety she hates what you do and don't know how to express her won feelings, see most of us as parents are human as well, we grow with you. If you can not get through to your mother or she really has cut ties, feel free to contact me. You are not alone, I was that teenaged girl. I am starting my daughter into counciling . I haven't given up on her and I think this is hard one mothers and fathers we get angry because we do no know how to handle the little girl we help in our arms is now doing dangerous adult things, so we lash out perhaps even say thing we do not mean not realizing the impact we are having . I am going to trey communication through counseling perhaps I could learn a thing or two.

Hi, my name is Lucy, I'm 15 years old and I accidentally came across this group. It kind of made me sick. I thought maybe if I share my story it might help.

My parents never gave me a childhood to be perfectly honest, they had too much else to do, what with two full time jobs and a mortgage the size of Neptune. I feel like I speak with a voice far beyond my years because of the fact that I was forced to grow up way too fast.

Anyway, last year i was in a relationship with an 18 year old boy who was a heroin addict who i was completely in love with, quite stupidly, and i spent nearly every night at his house, drinking and being reckless... But then everything went sour. He started to get too physical with me and i felt trapped, he would hurt me, and i learned to grit my teeth and get through it. Untill November when something horrible happened, someone told him I had cheated on him and he came to my house with a baseball bat... He hit me straight across the ribs and broke three of them, I'm just lucky My friend Ben was there to stop him from doing any more harm. I tried to stay away as much as I could but when he said come I would. On september 23 he passed away from a heroin overdose. I was distraught. No matter how much he hurt me i couldnt stop my infatuation. my relationship with my mother deteriorated and my parents started spending more and more time at my grandfather's house. Eventually they got sick of avoiding their own house and asked me to leave. I moved in with my friend Ben who was 19 and lived in a one bedroom appartment. It started out all innocent, we'd only smoke weed and fool around but then I started taking heroin.. And we started having sex... I owed him my life, I did everything he ever asked me. Eventually that relationship went sour as well because he blamed me for George's death. Now I'm living with a man who owns the guitar shop near where I was living with Ben, I'm working hard and trying quit the heroin, but it's not easy. There are some cases where there are other things causing girls to act out. I feel like if my mother knew half of what I've been through she wouldn't hate me so much, but I can't bring myself to go back to her and tell her.

Hi, my name is Lucy, I'm 15 years old and I accidentally came across this group. It kind of made me sick. I thought maybe if I share my story it might help.

My parents never gave me a childhood to be perfectly honest, they had too much else to do, what with two full time jobs and a mortgage the size of Neptune. I feel like I speak with a voice far beyond my years because of the fact that I was forced to grow up way too fast.

Anyway, last year i was in a relationship with an 18 year old boy who was a heroin addict who i was completely in love with, quite stupidly, and i spent nearly every night at his house, drinking and being reckless... But then everything went sour. He started to get too physical with me and i felt trapped, he would hurt me, and i learned to grit my teeth and get through it. Untill November when something horrible happened, someone told him I had cheated on him and he came to my house with a baseball bat... He hit me straight across the ribs and broke three of them, I'm just lucky My friend Ben was there to stop him from doing any more harm. I tried to stay away as much as I could but when he said come I would. On september 23 he passed away from a heroin overdose. I was distraught. No matter how much he hurt me i couldnt stop my infatuation. my relationship with my mother deteriorated and my parents started spending more and more time at my grandfather's house. Eventually they got sick of avoiding their own house and asked me to leave. I moved in with my friend Ben who was 19 and lived in a one bedroom appartment. It started out all innocent, we'd only smoke weed and fool around but then I started taking heroin.. And we started having sex... I owed him my life, I did everything he ever asked me. Eventually that relationship went sour as well because he blamed me for George's death. Now I'm living with a man who owns the guitar shop near where I was living with Ben, I'm working hard and trying quit the heroin, but it's not easy. There are some cases where there are other things causing girls to act out. I feel like if my mother knew half of what I've been through she wouldn't hate me so much, but I can't bring myself to go back to her and tell her.

Thank all of you for your recent comments. 3 years has passed since I wrote this post. A lot has changed and for the better, thank God! However, last September my daughter refused to come home from her boyfriend's house when told to after an argument her and I had. By this time, I was DONE. So I told her if she didn't come home that day to not bother coming home. And she didn't. She's currently living with her boyfriend and she is now 18. She stopped doing drugs although I think she still smokes weed once in a while. Our relationship has not really gotten any better. She still tries to take advantage of me but I tell her she's on her own now and life's hard, so get used to it lol. Whatthehell, what your daughter did was b.s. and going through all of what you are going through is beyond stressful. All I can say is time will mature her and she will see things a big differently. Just stand firm with her and if need be, call the police on HER. Tell them she is getting abusive. She's a big girl so I don't think the cops will believe her over you. If you ever want to talk, let me know. We didn't have any support back then and it was so hard. You definitely need that! I'm here for everyone else, too. I can't even begin to tell you how better life is that my daughter is not in the home anymore. I know that sounds awful but I'm sure you can understand. She caused too many problems and I was just done. Anyway, if anyone ever wants to talk, let me know!

Thank all of you for your recent comments. 3 years has passed since I wrote this post. A lot has changed and for the better, thank God! However, last September my daughter refused to come home from her boyfriend's house when told to after an argument her and I had. By this time, I was DONE. So I told her if she didn't come home that day to not bother coming home. And she didn't. She's currently living with her boyfriend and she is now 18. She stopped doing drugs although I think she still smokes weed once in a while. Our relationship has not really gotten any better. She still tries to take advantage of me but I tell her she's on her own now and life's hard, so get used to it lol. Whatthehell, what your daughter did was b.s. and going through all of what you are going through is beyond stressful. All I can say is time will mature her and she will see things a big differently. Just stand firm with her and if need be, call the police on HER. Tell them she is getting abusive. She's a big girl so I don't think the cops will believe her over you. If you ever want to talk, let me know. We didn't have any support back then and it was so hard. You definitely need that! I'm here for everyone else, too. I can't even begin to tell you how better life is that my daughter is not in the home anymore. I know that sounds awful but I'm sure you can understand. She caused too many problems and I was just done. Anyway, if anyone ever wants to talk, let me know!

My daughter who is 15 I don't know who this person is happened about a month ago she told me she might be pregnant on purpose I was speechless so I went to get a early preg test she's hoping and wanting to be , when she came back in my room she showed me it was positive I began crying I just collapsed on my bed I have degenerative disc disease I cannot raise another baby and I know that's what going to happen . The next day I hear her arguing with her older sister come to find out she wasn't pregnant she made another line to make it look like she is !! Who does this holding and consoling me as I'm crying knowing all along its Neg. She lies is controlling maniputive disrespectful calls me mean viscious names she hates me wish I was dead which really hurt I've been so upset and deppressed she belittles me yells in my face and dosent stop she yells out get your ****** hands off me so the neighbors think I have my hands around her throat . Did I mention she is 5'10 170lbs I'm 5'5 125lbs she is down at her girlfriends and I can't do a dam thing about it . Her g.f. Grandma lets them do weed drink she avoids confortation at all cost .what am I to do isn't their some kind of order by a judge where I can stop this sctivity



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The law varies by state, but if I were you, I would call her school and inform the school counselor of her behavior and they will keep record and eventually the school will take the action against her. This will (hopefully) help to eliminate some of the stress that is on you, and hopefully help to guide your daughter in the right direction. I feel it is some what safe to assume that she is defiant when it comes to attending school? If so, while that is unfortunate, it will almost guarantee that the school will step up and secure a more conformed path for her. I hop this helps.

I went through hell and back with my daughter. She went so rebellious, not wanting to help out, getting drunk and doing drugs, getting tattoo. It was a shocking time of defiance, depression and trouble. And the screaming...well, I can only say I am still embarrassed of what my neighbors heard at her screaming when I took her phone off her and other times. Kids are so unpredictable. I actually thought it was too late to get her help.She was doing whip (speed) and anything and everything and mixing with alcohol . She was speeding for days at a time, staying up no sleep for 3 days, night clubbing, drinking and promiscuity. The pill, by the way only causes chronic fatigue and cancer and is not a solution to stop promiscuity. Go natural, -cloves are a natural birth control without harmful side effects Kids act out for many reasons and the main one I found is because of chemicals that are laced in our food and alcohol. Our kids are dabbling into drinking and its effects from chemical laden drinks are having cause for concern. Its opening the door for drugs and depression. There's is a direct link between food and moods and mental health or as some may say, depression. When you do a heavy metal detox, and clean up your blood and body from toxins, you will find depression goes away and you'll get your teenager back. Addressing rebellion is very difficult, but if you do opposite to what we are taught to do, 'reverse physiology' you will see things turn around for you in your teenager. I found a book that helped so much it completely turned my teenagers situation around, so much so, she doesn't even do drugs any more, and has cut right back on social drinking. She even tells me she has a better time now, without drinking. The book educates on we as parents do that push the kids away, and addresses the toxins in our bodies, that make our kids go crazy. Its a fantastic book and highly recommend it any struggling parent, because I myself went through such severe hardship with my daughter, I thought she was lost forever. Please read and recommend to help any parent you know, as children don't grow on trees and its not just something they grow of, it is very much related to hormones in our foods and chemical that get straight into our bloodstream after consuming. If you knew what they put into beer..anyways, just trying to be of help because it completely changed our life and my daughter. Shes gorgeous again and back on track with her life thanks to the secrets the book talks about. It does make sense how some families don't ever suffer these things whilst others do. Anyways have a look if you want to get to the root causes for help. www.helptroubledyouth.com

Thanks for the recommendation! I checked it out and wish I had seen this 3 years ago!! I hope the others check it out, too!

I'm 13 and i'm a girl. I used to cut and do some of those things then my parents sent me to a state place CSU(crisis stabalization unit) all you have to do is bring her to the hospital and have her get evalauted and with her story she's probably going to be accepted into one and most of them don't cost money because the state runs them and there just like prisions. You do chores and your on a shecdule you don't get sharps(deoderent,hair brush,tooth brush..etc) you only get them at certain times morning and night. If your clothes have strings or anything like that it goes in sharps closet belts also go on that closet. She could really benefit from there like me. Oh and when you get their they check you down for things like knives and stuff. They pretty much take anything you could hurt yourself with.

God bless you. All I can say is keeping reaching out to others. There must be a ton of ADD support groups out there. My feeling is that the more you get this into the public stream and the more your daughter is aware of having people around her who care about you as well as her in constructive and mature way, the more she is likely to begin to respond in a positive manner. Good luck and my best wishes for a 'speedy' resolution.

Thank you!!!

Hi All, Its sad but comforting to know that I am not the only parent that has watched a complete change in there children. I have a 15yr old boy, that has lost the plot. He has a very aggresive manner, and started smoking cigs and pot. He is constantly in trouble at school, and is under acheiving in every way. He swears, and doesn't contribute to anything at home. He constantly is asking for money & ciggs. I really do not know what dirtection he is heading for. He doesn't seem to care about me & my feelings as a single mother. We always argue, and is very disrespectful to me... He does have counselling at school but I don't know how truthful he is being. I hate to say it, but find myself not liking him. I love him more than life, but his character is horrible these days. He has a split personality.. I am going to see my doctor about him. He used to be a fantastic child, and an A student. Not anymore. I seem to be losing him, and it is heartbreaking.

I'm not a professional but maybe something traumatic happened to him which caused his change in behavior. Are you aware of anything like that? And maybe something happened which he is keeping private. Also, try seeking counseling outside of school. School counseling isn't as effective because the counselor cannot spend much time with each student.

I am a grandmother of 15 year old boy who is adhd and odd. He is living with us and I am trying to homeschool because he hates school and the school told me all he had to do was show up and do next to nothing. HIS MOTHE Rwas verbially and phyically abusing him, he cannot let go of his anger and he eats to make himself feel so now he is obese and does nothing. Iam so stressed out my stomach is always feeling nervous and I do not know what to do for him and sometimes he takes his anger out on me just by yelling not it scares me

Hi I can relate to this, too! My son has both and we tried homeschooling him but it didn't work. We put him back in a public school. When he was about to turn 13 (he's now 16), he completely changed so we have not gone through what you are going through. I would suggest online courses for him or independent study. If all else fails, encourage him to get his GED as soon as he's able to do so, explaining to him that he will never have a good job unless he has an education.

Thank you to all who have posted their experiences. I have a 14 year old who is on the fast track of self destruction. I don't understand what is troubling her and why she went from being so sweet and caring about her friends making bad choices etc. She is a cutter and smoking pot and recently been doing extacy. She says she doesn't care what people think of her and she flaunts the fact she is a cutter. She dropped me off her facebook but I can still see it thru a mutual friend and since then she has been posting non stop about weed etc. I don't even know her anymore. We are in therapy, I have reached out to her only to be ignored and even feel at times she hates me. I ask her a question and she snaps yet when her friends call she is happy. She has a tumblr account I just found today that has pictures of cutting etc. Its so hard to stay strong at times I have been losing sleep and don't even know how I function. I have a full house of kids to care for and I keep trying to reach out to her and she isn't responding all she cares about is getting off grounding and hanging out. She said she wanted to go to rehab to get away from her friends and us. Her therapist said she doesn't want to solve her problems and is not ready to yet. She is self destructing. I give her consequences and talk to her about trust and freedoms etc She gets angry and shuts me out. I keep waiting to wake up and its not like this anymore. Stay strong moms and dads!!!

Reading your story made me think I was reading my own story with my 15 year old daughter. She has been giving us stress and grieve for the last 16+ months now.

* She to has been arrested on several occasions, once for shoplifting, once for minor in possesion, and twice for drinking, beating up her best friend and putting it on facebook.

* She has been picked up and brought home, by the police and the sherifs deputies more then 5 times. We even had to call her in as a runaway 6 times from may to mid august alone.

*She drinks with her other underage friends and yes even guys, some older...I'm talking much older then her.

*She keyed someones truck at school ($2500.00 in damages and 2 years lock up minimum), and got placed in DEAP, an alternitive school program, but with that she lost her bus privlidges, causing me to have to take her out of public school and put her in home schooling, some might say that might be better for her, right? Yeah one would hope, but not at all the case, after $1525.00 paid towards her schooling she takes it upon herself to just not do any of the work, and she has yet to open a book or sharpen a pencil.

*She takes it upon herself to do whatever she wants, with whom ever she pleases, whenever she feels like.

*She has snuck out of the house countless times, sometimes right under our noses and other times in the dead of the night. She even accepted a ride once from some man she did not know and ended up getting the **** scared out of her when he refused to let her out of his car.

*She has promiscuous sex, some are older guys, i even have reason to believe with some girls also, Please don't misunderstand me, I have nothing against anyone who is or thinks they might be gay.

*She has stolen 4 Straight Talk phones from me in a matter of 3 months, and over $1000.00 in cash and the kids DS video games, and jewlery, and even some of her dads work tools and once she even took a $300 money order, but luckily I got that back, she had no idea how to cash it.

*She is constently saying how much she hates this house and everyone of us. She says she would rather be out on the streets eating from garbage bins.

*She is extremely angry all the time and with absolutlly no warning, she yells and screams at not only me but her 6 younger siblings. Just 2 and a half weeks my 13 year old daughter had to call the sherrif on her for hitting on me, and trying to break my neck.



Please don't get me wrong, she has not always been like this, all the way up until the end of 2009 she was loving, caring, considerate, thoughtful, well behaved, well mannered, just an over all "good kid". I don't know when, how, why or what caused this change in her, but let me tell you, believe me I am not lying, she changed into this other kid over night.



I'm sorry for going on and on, I will end this soon.



I just want to say; no matter what I will never turn my back on her or give up on her getting back to who she really is, who she was created to be.

Thank you for letting me share,

MaddMoM

Wow, our stories are similar. Well, if this is any consolation, it does get better. My daughter has stopped doing most of these things...I think she still smokes weed on occasion. But she is so much happier. She moved out of our house in September but we were both ready for that. I think she appreciates me more. Last year she started dating this boy. He's a couple of years older than her. He turned her around. He went through alot of things similar to her but came out of it on his own. He helped her in ways I never could and I am so thankful to him. He made her see life differently. Your daughter will overcome some of this as she gets older. My daughter is now 18 and like a different person. Just know that while right now is very hard, time will help turn things around. Praying for you!!!

i can say that i honestly understand both parts of this drama because i've lived both... i was both the bad child and the mother of a bad child. i found this blog beneficial so perhaps you will as well

http://teenspeculation.blogspot.com maybe it will have the same f=effect on you S IT HAD ON ME...

Hi

Augusta, Gone: A True Story. In this book is the evolution of a kind of madness that takes over a mother's inside mind while going through what is facing you.



I really started to lose my daughter when she was 14--I'd missed the earlier signs that might have averted disaster. To this day I don't think anyone fully understands how profoundly the trouble with her affected me. It is clear the trouble caused untold misery in our house. I can't remember most of the details of the progression any more. I have no advice, realizing that every situation is as different as the child involved. Some make it through to happy end, others don't.



My daughter is 24. We have made some kind of truce where I don't feel dread every time the phone rings and our communications often contain points of light that make me smile. Still, she was married (for a year--no children, thank God) and divorced, she has not managed to get her GED, is constantly in financial difficulty I still can't help her with, and she continues to attach herself to boyfriends in ways that help her put off taking control of her life. Counseling seemed to be working early on but the State therapist retired almost as soon as she started and, with no good replacement, the chance was lost. We put everything we could into supporting her interest in horses. At the barns, in the company of horses and that community, she was the daughter I knew (this is still true) but away from the barns, she reverted to her "bad girl" persona. I wanted to send her to a school but there was no money. Even if there had been, if the program had been one of those primarily driven by profit, or a philosophy that did not match her particular case, it would have been a serious gamble. And then, at the point of considering that option things were at a critical point. I didn't have time to do the intense research (reading about and then visiting and spending time at the facilities) that, in retrospect, I think would be essential.



Today I exist with a kind of anhedonia that has left our marriage gasping. Every day I am painfully aware that I am glad my first born is across the country. On the phone and with email I can tolerate her slow pace back to a world where life is an adventure to be savored. Close up today there is too much of her troubled time that is in evidence. She is, for the most part for now, someone I would never willingly invite into my life--her way of life still largely alien to me on too many levels.



My first born. The one whose birth gave meaning to my life, the one whose every little detail astounded me, whose beauty left me breathless, whose humor and creativity lightened me, whose being inspired me--it haunts me that she doesn't seem to know this. I don't know where I would be if my son, step-son and husband hadn't been, and continue to be, as awe inspiring, forgiving and loving as they are for this woman who is a shell of who she was ten years ago.

You have your hands full, I work for a residentual facility for troubled teen girls. I also have spent the last 25 years working with teens. I have my masters in Christian Counseling and have dedicated my life to helping families and teens. I have found that sometimes you need to find a support system that can help you hands on. You may have to give her choices that she may not like to save her life and your sanity. Sometimes you need to show tough love when you have tried everything else with no results. I would like to help you find some where you can trust and know that your daughter gets help. She is valuable and deserves a chance for a positive life change that can help her for the future. 52ministries.org

i have 2 sons my oldest was god sent...our youngest was a different story. my condolences as a parent i know the feeling of feeling that you've failed. i cried many nights also. and yes i did go through his room.



he's finally met a girl with a 4 yr old son. it seemed to have helped him...good luck.

I know it seems like it's a bad thing that she is doing all this at a very young age, and yes it is bad... but there is an upside. If you can get through to her in counceling then she will still have a chance to go somewhere in life. It is now your sole mission to try and help her with this until she gets to an age where it's already too late.



I quit smoking weed a month ago, and trust me it is not an easy thing to do... it's very difficult and if you arent ready/don't want to then it is completely impossible. If you can somehow make her realize that living that kind of life will ruin her future, maybe she will come around.



I smoked weed for a total of 2 1/2 years and last winter I had a really bad drinking problem, but I took care of that quick, I havn't drank hard liquor in over 6 months. It wasn't until about 2 months ago that it really hit me and I really realized where I would go in life if I kept on that path. All I had to do was look at my ex-friend who is almost 20 years old, still lives with his parents, smokes weed all day, no job, nothing. It scared me to even imagine being like him in a few years.



Thats what your daughter has to go through, I know it's painful but one day she WILL realize what's really important in life... I just hope she realizes it before I did. Now here I am, 18 years old, supposed to graduate this year with a 1.8 GPA... That stuff ruins lives, whether the kids want to believe it or not. The best thing about figuring that kind of stuff out on your own is that you will remember it for the rest of your life.



Good luck Debbie, I hope things work out...

I've done all of those things but i'm 17 not 15 and theres different reasons why we do all of those things and some start out before the other ones and you just go down hill from there. I've made some mistakes and only regret a few but mostly i was just trying to have fun or it's because it's just something i do and can't help. I do most of this under the radar and my mom doesn't know about most of it but I know I've got problems and I'm sorting them out and getting out of most of that activity. she will realize(and most likely soon like i did)that most of that list isn't worth it anymore, and try to stop. I've stopped cutting,shoplifting,drinking(just on an occasional weekend not like everyday like i used to),fighting,sneaking out and getting ****** grades. I know I need to do all of that to better myself and my life I've got some more i've got to cater to but hey it's a step forward and she'll realize that soon when some of the regret and sadness and remorse comes in, and I can tell you that because I've already done what she has and whatever she's thinking about doing next and i know the consequences and it's usually not worth it in the end. It will be over soon and just from experience here it has nothing to do with our mothers at all,so don't blame yourself if you have because it's not you it's us as humans and in my case it's because of my "father". Also it's not our friends fault either, if they do something and we do it too it's because we wanted to not because we felt like we had to. What i do/have done was because i wanted to do it, nobody did it for me. I think you should have her read my story so she knows shes not the only one and to learn that some changes have to be made for a better life. I hope i help even a microscopic bit.

Thank you all for your comments! I really appreciate the kind words of encouragement and support. :)

Hi Debbie, Im sorry to hear about everything youre going through with your daughter. Im only 18 years old but I went through something similar that your daughters going through at exactly the same age except for somethings. Anyways, one day she'll come around. Counseling is definitely a good idea - it really helped me.



The most common reason why people cut themselves is because they have so much emotional pain they like to cut to escape and turn the emotional pain into physical pain - but you probably knew that.



All you can do is let her know you care, sometimes be tough and she will get mad and flip out but she probably feels really lonely; im guessing alot of attention has been on your son for his needs which could of caused your daughter to feel not neglected but obv upset. See when I went through my stage that your daughters going through I was crying out for help and attention.



Someday it'll be okay; she one day realize what shes doing isnt right and decide to change. It might take time though - stay strong.

Hi! I'm grown now & have 3 children of my own, however I remember my teen years. I was about 14 when I started making my Mom & StepDad miserable. Seriously, I was in all kinds of trouble, curfew, underage drinking, fights, went from A B studendent to D's F's & Incompletes, promiscuous sex too. My parents & I would fight constantly. They had even put me in counseling, when that didn't work I was sent away & spent most of my teen years in placements. I am completely different now. I got the help I needed & deserved. As much as I loved my Mom I didn't know how to show her at the time because I was being sexually abused & raped (not by anyone in my home), but I felt angery with my Mom for not knowing. I didn't want to tell her because it was shameful to me.

I'm not saying your child has this same thing happening, I'm just saying to keep letting her know that you are there to listen to her & there is nothing that would ever make you stop loving her. My Mom is my bestfriend today! I hope your situation gets better & I'm glad you shared it.

Thank you so much! It sounds like you have gone through hell and back, too. I totally understand the "I wish I weren't alive" ordeal. WE have heard that many times, too. Oh, and "I hate living here! I'd rather live on the streets!" Teens nowadays...sheesh! I never expected it would be so difficult during the teen years, but I guess when your kids are little, you don't see them in that way...you see them as doing well in school and being good kids. Nobody told me about THIS part of raising teens!



I look forward to getting to know you better and sharing more stories!

Hi, Debbie, I hear your pain, so loud, so clear. And I very much can relate to the fact that your husband and you find yourselves in a position where your families (outside of your private home) don't understand. I, too, have 2 children. My son is now 18 (and there were SO many times I didn't think he would live to see that day)and my daughter is 15. I am sure you know I would gladly give my life for their happiness. I am giving you just a glimpse at where I come from, because I have failed thus far to post MY story, for others to read. (I don't have a computer and have to use my phone, and plan to fix my failure as soon as I get to by a little lap top) Anyway, I have SO much I would love to talk with you about. But I thought I would pick the family not understanding part today. Get this, Debbie, and please do laugh at the irony, because laugh we must, else we die. I have a sister 4 years younger than me. She lives with my dad, has been divorced since my kids were little, has no kids of her own, and- here comes the good part- her career??? Masters Degree,several Bachelor's, in what fields, you ask? Oh, psychology, education, special education (she also is an educator: both college level and high school). There's more to this accomplished young woman, but you get the picture. SHE DOESN'T KNOW SQUAT ABOUT LIVING WITH KIDS. Not babies,not toddlers,not preschoolers, not school age kids, not teenagers/ not normal kids, not children with disabilities, not happy kids, not sad kids (not any of the kinds of kids that love Armour Hot Dogs). Doesn't know squat. And the degree of compassion she has for my two, for myself, well...it could be placed inside some sub molecular molecule and would there would still be room for more. It is unbelievable her responses to our everyday issues, let alone the dark nights in emergency rooms, the days that seem they will never end, the sleepless nights with a teen locked in the bedroom after revealing ("I wish I weren't even alive). Oh, she has LOTS of "this is how you handle it" lectures that she will willingly give (when she is in the mood) over Sunday Lunch at Dad's. And uncountable sentences that begin with , "Well, this is all you have to do...." That finish with the Golden Answer that will end THAT situation we have on hand at the time. Yes, I do agree, I can not argue the fact, if I were to change the locks on all the doors to my house, and NEVER let my son back in, well, he would never again punch a hole in his bedroom closet door. Problem solved. It is that easy. (Gee, thanks Sis, why didn't I think of that??? Oh, maybe because I was busy wondering what was troubling him so much- silly me, I'd better get my head screwed on straight before his little sister thinks she can express overwhelming feelings in MY house). So, Debbie, today I have no answers to give, but I do have a lot of understanding. And as we slowly open up the pages of history in our lives, perhaps I will be able to identify with something you are up against that we once were also, and found a way through. I can tell you we are in a much more peaceful state now. Much more. A few weeks ago I shared with my son the reflections I was having of last July and this July. Last July,well... My son doesn't remember his amazing strength which he demonstrated for the whole neighborhood by being able to over power 4 law enforcement men, and two burly paramedics, because he was NOT going to lay down on that effin stretcher and let them fasten belts around his effin chest and legs. Nor does he remember the ambulance ride or the... Well you get the picture. So, welcome, Debbie. I welcolm you with open arms and a warm, soft, understanding heart.

Hi..My name is Amanda, I have a 15 year old daughter as well, and I just joined the group tonight. I am just starting to go through the beginning stages for the troubled teenage girl. She has been screaming at her step-father using profanity, and hitting and punching him, along with making up lies that i am cheating on him, to get us to break up, as she hates him, for punishing her, for smoking, and bringing in a boy into our home while she was babysitting her younger siblings, and having sex with him, then making physical threats to my younger children, so they would not tell me, what was going on. But I managed to come across the dirty little thing called ..yes.."dirty used condoms"..in her room. She freaked out, when I busted her, said she was gonna kill herself, grabbed a pen out of my glove compartment of my truck and started jabbing her wrist with it, then she tied the seatbelt around her throat and said she wished she was dead, then tried to act like she was gonna jump out of my vehicle, and of course DCYF got called by her doctor's office, and they babied her..i was so MAD..I could use a worsy word to describe how I really felt. I told them this is why children act the way they do, is because people from the state don't allow us parents to punish our children, like we were. Boy let me tell you what, had I been her..I would have gotten a good old fashion but warming, but that is abuse today, and u can't use verbal words because that is emotional abuse, so they pretty much run the show today, and that's why our children today act out like they do, because they know the system will step right in. So I said heck with it..come on in, but this time they wanted no part in it, unless I hit her, or she broke the law..I DON'T GET IT!!!....I ASK FOR HELP... and refuse until something illegal comes about..so if anybody has any advise for me..I'M ALL EARS!!!!

Your not alone, because of the crying liberals in gov plus shrinks they now teach kids to call 911 if they get punished, even yelling at them is now called verbal abuse, because of this lack of disiplin at home young adults think they can get away with anything, many parents have divorced lost their house and family because of DCF however in your girls case most parents and DCF are afraid or ashamed to realize the truth your girl is suffering from hystaria brought on by sexual frustration, I feel sorry for young girls because they mature early , some are at child baring age at 11 yo have breast and pubic hair but they also have another thing that is natural and normal that nobody wants to address, that is sensual feelings and sexual emotions, the gov, still believe its impossible for a girl under 18 -AOC to have these feelings or ro even accomidate a males sex organ, if you had a talk with her about this and made sure she was protected with B/C and put the responcibillity on her shoulders I gurrantee she will change, young adult girls of child baring age are fed up being treated like children, or called children because they are young adults and need to be treated as such, they are begging for responcibility, begging to be trusted, Do not listen to our religious inspired govenment,, sit down with her and say you have been trying to be good parent and comply with the gov rules and regulations but its not working for either of us, from now on if you need sex no problem because its a natural need, but please I want you on birth control first, then its up to you , you have to be responcible, more freedom to do as you want and need comes with more responcibility not by us but by you, you will be responcible for your own future, and yes we will respect you and hopfully you will respect us and we will all get along.

Yeah, I am hoping she straightens out and will realize we are doing all of this because we love her and want what is best for her.



Thanks for the comment!