Now Its Secure Detention And I Need Prayer For My Family

My 15 yr old daughter has been through it all.  She was adopted by us at age 8.  She has had behavior problems of course.  She had escalted to the point of requiring residential treatment a few years ago.  Then again in 2009 where she was diagnosed with bipolar amongst the other diagnosis she already had.  Great.  We got on the right track .  She did well overall and hd the right medication.  I love her so. My husbnad on the other handvery skeptical about anything she does and always with a watchful eye.  She defied him to the max last week, using profanity, etc.  His part in this however he does not recognize.  She is also a teenager with a rebellious heart.

I go to her school a few days later for a meeting where she tell me to shut the bleep up.  My God.  Now I am so furious I cant contain myself.  I stay calm however becasue our therpist was coming to the home that evening.  I get a call on my way home.  Apprently my dear daughter told the school the therapist made inappropriate remarks and she did not feel coomfortable.  They had to report it (I know its not true) and the therapist was not allowed in our home. The floor was pulled beneath me. I am falling.  This guy was our familys hope, his work was making progress.  Oh my God help me.

I pulled into the driveway and marched into the living room and attempted to slap the hat off of her head - you knwo the stupid sideways baseball cap.  She turned around to ask what I was doing and her father, my husband charged in between us, took her down to the floor and told me to call 911.  I did because someone was going to get hurt.  He had had it after i told him about the meeting and he got the call from the agnecy that therapist could not come over.  The police, becuse of history with our daughter took her in.  My heart is in a meat grinder.  I understand in a way my husbands reaction but am having a hrad time with it.  While he was holding her down she spat, kicked and swore at him and told me I was a fat "ho".  But if someone were holding me down I would scream too. 

My husband has a scratch on his face so of course she is charged with assault.  The probation department said she will this time go to secure detention.  I am literally sick.  I have no control over this.  I dont think the past few days should send her away for so long,  I am heartbroken for her, for me, for everything.  She could have a wonderful life and now she will be with hardened crime teens and God knows how the caretakers will be.  God have mercy on us.  Please pray for us.  I am so so broken.  Please tell me if anyone has had a teen come out of this ok.

padua padua
46-50, F
4 Responses Feb 26, 2010

I was actually dismissed from two high schools& 1 college. I was also incarcerated for 6 days. I ended up earning my diploma (yes diploma, not GED though could not walk with my graduating class). After messing up at my first college, I finally got my behavior straightened out. I'm presently in my third year of college, I'll have my degree in 1.5 more semesters and intend on attending graduate school - my point, it's fairly possible to have a successful life even after moments of "difficulty."

Has anyone mentioned Reactive attachment Disorder to you? <br />
<br />
Attachment Disorder Symptoms<br />
<br />
• Superficially engaging & charming <br />
• Lack of eye contact on parents terms <br />
• Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers <br />
• Not affectionate on Parents’ terms (not cuddly) <br />
• Destructive to self, others and material things (accident prone) <br />
• Cruelty to animals <br />
• Lying about the obvious (crazy lying) <br />
• Stealing <br />
• No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive) <br />
• Learning Lags <br />
• Lack of cause and effect thinking <br />
• Lack of conscience <br />
• Abnormal eating patterns <br />
• Poor peer relationships <br />
• Preoccupation with fire <br />
• Preoccupation with blood & gore <br />
• Persistent nonsense questions & chatter <br />
• Inappropriately demanding & clingy <br />
• Abnormal speech patterns <br />
• Triangulation of adults <br />
• False allegations of abuse <br />
• Presumptive entitlement issues <br />
• Parents appear hostile and angry<br />
<br />
Causes<br />
Any of the following conditions occurring to a child during the first 36 months of life puts them at risk:<br />
<br />
• Unwanted pregnancy <br />
• Pre-birth exposure to trauma, drugs or alcohol <br />
• Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) <br />
• Neglect (not answering the baby’s cries for help) <br />
• Separation from primary caregiver (i.e. Illness or death of mother or severe illness or hospitalization of the baby, or adoption <br />
• On-going pain such as colic, hernia or many ear infections <br />
• Changing day cares or using providers who don’t do bonding <br />
• Moms with chronic depression <br />
• Several moves or placements (foster care, failed adoptions) <br />
• Caring for baby on a timed schedule or other self-centered parenting<br />
<br />
This requires specific treatment in a clinical setting.<br />
<br />
Dore E. Frances, Ph.D.

So because she was forcibly held down and tried to get away she is being charged for assault? <br />
<br />
I'm sorry but that is bs.... You are the adult. You can't just run in and knock her hat off or charge in because you're angry and hold her down. That's showing her that its acceptable to be reactive.. which now she is. Next time if you get angry just take a deep breath and walk away until you're not upset anymore... and tell her to do the same.

hi, my name is jackie. i am 17. i was in a situation similar to your daughters. i was in a behavioral health center. no, it isnt as bad as a detention center, but the same idea. i was in a really bad state of mind. i had a bad childhood, so of course i had trust issues. i wanted to do for myself, because i had learned that noone else would do it for me. i can understand where your daughter is coming from, when she gets mad. yes she is overreacting, the same as i did. but i have had a good life for the last 3 years. i have learned to cope with things by talking. i am curently in counseling. no it is not where i let everything go. i usually talk to my aunt (who i live with) and my boyfriend. the two people i feel most safe with. and i trust. to provide a safe feeling between you and your daughter, she has to trust you. and believe me it is not easy to break down the wall that your daughter has put up, but it will be worth the trouble. it is a slow and painfull process. but like i said it is very much worth the time and effort. if you can get your daughter to confide in you.. you are set! how to go about this depends on your daughter. every person is different. but i believe that it can happen! sorry if i have offended you in anyway!