Confused. Help Me Please?

I live in Malaysia, and I will turn 18 in August. My father and I have a strange relationship. When I was younger (I was an only child then), things were different. I felt loved. And I used to love him very much as well. Since the birth of my younger sister, I think our relationship has become somewhat strange. My sister and I have a 5 year gap between us, and he still treats her like a child. He expects me to do everything for her, and when I disagree, he just yells at me. I would usually brush it off and do it anyway. As I grew older, he started called me names, whenever I did something wrong. I would frequently hear words like "Stupid", "Idiot" or "Smartass". All hell breaks loose when he yells at me, and he has yet to treat my sister like this. I also think he never listens to me, but he is attentive with my sister. Is this favouritism? Here is why I am confused. When he is nice to me, he really is nice. But when he is angry with me, everything changes. I feel unloved, inferior and angry because I think it is unnecessary. I try to talk to him, but he never listens. My mum does not interfere either, for their relationship is also strained. (My father cheated on my mother, and was laid off just recently) She stays out of all our arguments, to refrain from 'provoking' him any further. This hurts, because she does not come to my aid when I need it. I cannot stand up for myself, because it will get me into more trouble, and the argument will go on for ages. When he has done something wrong, and mistakenly scolds me for it, he never admits his mistakes. I hate this, because it is unfair. He deliberately refuses to admit his mistakes, and he will keep insisting that it is me who has screwed up. All this name calling and yelling makes me sick. Is he verbally abusing me? Or am I exaggerating? Help?
macabreprincess macabreprincess
18-21, F
8 Responses May 10, 2012

You aren't exaggerating. You aren't wrong. Obviously your dad is being a terrible leader, father, and husband. I'm sure in his heart of heart he wants to be better, but there is no excuse for taking his problems out on you. It's tough to love someone a whole bunch and that's what you get from them. It says a lot about you that you can hang in there and be the bigger person even when your dad is supposed to be that person for you. It sucks that your mom doesn't have your back.

What makes verbal abuse different than physical abuse is that you have a say in how it hurts you. You can allow his words and actions to be bullets that tear at your heart, or meaningless pebbles. It's easier said than done, but try to remember that somewhere inside him may be a good man that is acting out for whatever reason.

I hope that despite your parent's poor example, you expect more from any man in your life, and can learn from what they're doing and not take your stresses out on your kids whenever you have them. You are doing great. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Your dad just want you to know your responsibilities ... Might be that's the reason he pushes you too hard... If he doesn't love you why does he want to get tensed about you... Everything happens has a reason ... Your parents will not leave you for sure even if you want to separate yourself from them

He's a little abusive.. I have to deal with a dad like that.. He calls me worthless and yells at me for the stupidest sh*t. I mean all dads mean well but he probably just doesn't understand how he hurts you.. I know my dad doesn't understand.

My situation was very similar to yours...I have a younger brother and there is a 5 year age gap between us. I too remember things being wonderful between my father and I before he was born. Now that I am older I realize that our relationship would have still ended up the way that it did because men like our fathers do not like opinionated people, they believe their way is the only way and do not like to be challenged. I always got into trouble with my father for speaking my mind, talking back to him, and disagreeing with him. He has slapped me a few times (I live in the states where it is not acceptable) pushed me and pulled me by my hair. I grew up having to take care of my little brother too. My dad does treat my brother a lot better than he does me. I think it's because he is the baby in the family and my brother is very shy. I believe that my brother is so shy and quiet still to this day because he saw how I was treated whenever I spoke my mind and of course my father would prefer him over me because my brother always did what he was told. My parents are divorced so that part is a little different. <br />
My advice to you is do well in school so that you can at least have your own home, your safe place. My father is still the same, our relationship is better because I don't live with him anymore so there are less opportunities to fight and if he is being a jerk I can leave. He showed favoritism to my brother a few weeks ago...He blamed something that upset him on me and started yelling and freaking out, when I told him it was my brother that had done this he immediately calmed down and said Oh well that's ok.<br />
Stay strong, get your education and move out so that you will see him on your terms, and continue to be the bright opinionated woman that you are, don't change for anyone just because they can't handle it! *hugs*

dont feel feel bad adults have different reason to get angry and yes what you can do is try harder and study hard so that when time gets rough you have to be independent and then easily you can find work,sometimes life is hard but its how we struggle and find solutions that counts otherwise we will just blame it to everyone else when you should be the first to think what you will do and plan for your future.

This is abuse and im sorry anyone has to go through that but it seems even worse that your mom seems to not care about it Just remember its his fault not yours . I hope you can find a way out of this . You be true to yourself and things will get better i will say a prayer for you

Grateful? I still have to live with them. Asians are different. They like to keep their children close. Even if I wanted to leave, its not going to be easy.

Be greatful that your turning 18 soon. You can leave and get out of there. I am in a similar circumstance, except I have 2 brothers, and they both are less than 2 years younger than me. I am only 15, so i still have 3 years left.