(difficult Family Members)...he Ran Over The Family Cat Twice...



My fiancé's family has always bullied me and put me down, even more so after their mother passed away and my fiancé bought the house so that the bank wouldn’t take it, after which, my fiancé and I moved in.

It’s weird because I have never said or done a horrible thing to them, ever.

I just think that they are mean pple. His older brother, ran over the family cat, twice, apparently by accident. The second time it was hit, it had to be put down. I've come to the conclusion that his older brother, who’s first name is Peter, is fricken mean because he has issues with his real parents, who gave him up for adoption when he was a baby.

The worst I have ever been treated was after I was hit by a car, Peter was studying nursing at the time and he told me that he had been given some dressings from another nurse at the hospital where he was working. He had said that he told this nurse how I had been hit by a car and that she had decided that I should have the clean dressings to cover the gaping laceration on my leg.

After I used the dressings and my leg had healed Peter asked for them back….buuut I had used them, wtf. He than actually said that it was ok if I was concealing them or trying to steal them he just wanted them back, I replied ” if you didn’t want me to use them you shouldn’t have given them to me in the first place”

“He replied, get back here!” the initial confrontation took place in the living room, I didn’t want to argue, so I walked outside. At this point he than started YELLING at me out the front of the house, telling me how “if I wanted to be treated with respect than I would have to treat others with respect first!!!”….but he was the one who initiated the confrontation in the first place.  My fiancé was right there when it happened, and he said nothing. I actually had to leave the house, to get away from the yelling. This happened at night time. When I spoke to my than fiancé after the incident he said that “I shouldn’t have left” I responded, ” what was I supposed to do, allow myself to be abused by your family? ”

Aside from the yelling incident they always made sure that they’d gang up on me when my fiancé wasn’t there, so they could bully me. My fiancé's family has always initiated the confrontation, they'd make ‘comments’ about the music I'd listen to or the films that I'd watch, they even made fun of me because my study would get messy on occasion when I had Uni exams, with Peter actually calling me a "little pig"…they are mean.

Peter later told my fiancé that “we could have “both” handled the situation better” but he was the aggressor. I think I am a passive person, if I was aggressive I would have, in the very least, tried to stand up for myself. I didn't know how to act because these pple are supposed to be my partners family and I did not expect this sort of overt aggression as their aggression has usually been of the 'passive' variety. I feel the need to justify myself because I am afraid that no one will believe me, because my fiancé never believed me. ” I think this $*#@ is having a negative effect on my self esteem. I told my partner on many occasions, how his family was treating me badly and the usual response  was ” well, what do you want me to do about it? As though it wasn’t his issue too, buuut it's his family....

Now, I don’t speak to his family, I really dislike them. I refuse to visit as I feel that this is the only way that I can escape their horrid behavior. I don’t understand why they hate me, I really don’t I care.

I sometimes feel as though I should just give them what they want and leave my relationship of 12 years, they never liked me to begin with and I'm tired of the non-committal way that my partner goes about handling the issues his family appears to have when it comes to common decency and social etiquette. Even after 12 years, he still stands up for them, and makes excuses for their terrible behavior. If I make a comment about his family being mean he will actually tell me that “he doesn’t care and that he doesn’t want to hear about it”. This is all despite the fact that they are mean and they use him, my partner sold the house that he bought to his younger brother and he got severely ripped off, so much to the extent that we now don't have enough money to apply for a loan for our own home.

What should I do, is congealed, nasty blood always thicker than water? I am worried that I will end up resenting my partner and that this situation will/has permanently damaged our relationship. Should I leave? Should I try to talk to my partner? Or am I always going to be perceived as ' second best ' to a bunch of using bullies?

sikpuppies sikpuppies
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 5, 2012

Forget about his family, your fiance's non-supportive behaviour is terrible! He is part of the problem (and a big part) because he is viewing himself as more a part of that family unit, than a part of the family unit he has with YOU!<br />
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I would be thinking long and hard about whether you want to live like this for the rest of your life. We all only get one life, and there is no point in that one being a bad life. You don't deserve to be bullied. <br />
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Think about whether you want to bring children into this situation. How will they grow up with these people as role models? How will they come to view women if they see their mother being victimised and walked over?<br />
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It sounds as though there is a lot of really aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse going on in your situation. <br />
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Be strong and walk away, or sit down with your fiance and lay some ground rules (deal breaker type ones).<br />
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Good luck!