Have No Friends

i never thought i'd be weak or anything. i hardly ever fall sick too.grown up among the outcasts group. different as we are we always end up together.
by nature i was the carefree type. never cared much for anything much. never actually really tried to fit in with the social norms that much. i liked being different.
among my friends, usually all females, like me, i was kind of the "male character" of the group. mentally i was female though. i like guys. but with me being me, guys don't exactly like me. lol.
thats not the problem.
i never noticed my fears.once in class i was one of those picked to expose our fears.. a random class session. i chose something random i disliked instead ... after a really long time... cuz i really couldn't identify my fear. and i didn't want to waste more time.

slowly though.. i started to notice... what i feared was not knowing what to do. being left behind. being alone. i became exposed to that a lot.

i have low self esteem. honestly. this is random... kinda. no one would like a girl who isn't pretty, isn't feminine and don't have character. once again... the problem isn't romance. i speak of crushes with my friends. but when it comes to things that really bother me, i am alone.

i kinda have friends. i did try talking to my closer friends. one of them didn't really care,so i decided not to bother her. another was more caught up with her own stories , so i couldn't share with her. yeah.. I'm not a very likable person.

when i find myself crying and hiding in a corner i realize i'm not as strong as i thought. and when i pick up the phone trying to text someone about it, i realize even more so i am alone.

i know the problem is with me. i know I'm an awkward person who is bad with people of all sorts. low self esteem. i don't dare to do anything. who wouldn't wish for someone to come along and notice them and save them?no. people only swoop down from wherever they are and commit themselves to saving you if you're pretty or someone with a wonderful character. i have neither. i have to change myself to save myself.
Asphodel Asphodel
18-21, F
Jan 9, 2013