Anyone Heard Of This?

Here's my deal. I have a fear of high, open spaces because I fear that I will lose control of my mental faculties and throw myself off of them. I'm not suicidal, and really, I want to live for as long as possible. But whenever I'm in a high place where the possibility exists of flinging myself into the air, I can't stop thinking about it. It all started years ago in Manhattan when I was visiting my brother. We went to the roof of his building, which was about 30 stories, and got stoned. there was no railing or anything like that, and you could go right to the edge of the roof and look down. I did so and suddenly a fear gripped me as I started to wonder what it would be like to just jump. I then had a panic attack, and was in a horrified stupor for days after. Now, whenever I'm on a high bridge, building, mountain top or in an aircraft, I cannot get the thought of jumping out of my head. I'm in the National Guard, and last summer I was in the back of a Sherpa helicopter with like 20 other guys, and they always leave ther back gate open. I had to seriously keep telling myself not to jump up, run for the gate, and jump. What's the deal? When I'm on an airplane, I can't take a seat near an emergency exit because the whole flight I sit there and have to tell myself not to open it and jump. On a two or three hour flight, this is absolutely nerve wracking and I get off of the plane mentally and emotionally exhausted.  

benjamon benjamon
36-40, M
3 Responses Feb 27, 2010

I've heard of this as well! I have a similar fear. When I'm out in an open space or there's a window open and I'm holding something I'd hate to lose, I'm always afraid I'll lose control of my brain and go insane and hurl it out the window and it'll shatter and I'll never be able to replace it.

I know this feeling! I used to have the worst nightmares about it. I can sympathize, man. :(

I am also afraid of high open spaces.<br />
I know what its like to fall though, as i once slipped at the top of a cliff.