Funny Aircraft Maintenance ReportsList of pilot-reported problems and the solutions the ground crew had for them.
Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Left inside main tire almost replaced.
Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on back-order.
Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.
Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.
Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what friction locks are for.
Problem: Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution: Suspect you're right.
Problem: Number 3 engine missing. (pilot lingo meaning one of the engines was not running smoothly)
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Problem: Target radar hums.
Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Problem: Mouse in cockpit.
Solution: Cat installed.
Problem: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Solution: Took hammer away from midget.