A Collection Of Shameful One Liners

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

He used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine .

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Dave002 Dave002
56-60, M
24 Responses Sep 12, 2011

Very good!

Bahahaha...these are great! :)

Mission accomplished. Cheers!

Some of these were horrible enough to make one laugh a bit.

I figure if I score even a chuckle I've accomplished my mission. Cheers!

haha these are amazing dude

Ha ha, "a hangover is the wrath of grapes."

Oh my God, ha ha.

Those are great . I love those kind of jokes.

Love it!!! Needed a good laugh :) TkX

fun fun in bun bun

Puns are outstanding in the rain. .



me like

You are a very funny guy. I enjoyed that


I laughed so hard I almost died. <-- only a slight exaggeration. :)

keep them coming!

excellent !

I don't know which one i loved the best... they all entertained me and put a smile on my face...oh... a few made me ... lol. Thank you for sharing, too cool!


Love it!

Rude??? That's just an ancient freudian line. Goes along with this one from the days of 78rpm records.....<br />
When I was 6, my mother dropped a stack of records behind me. It had no effect on me, no effect on me, no effect on me, no effect on me...<br />
<br />
Probably funnier if you grew up with that technology.

how about...haven't drunk milk since my mother died...

That's just plain rude! (thank you- I will use that one)

Just one, maybe. ;)




Oh come on! You mean to tell me that not one of these sad, pitiful, lame one liners didn't even put a smile on you face?