Sometimes Expressing Yourself In Seussian Is The Only Antidote To Insanity... with apologies to the Grinch:

There are girls in this house who like clothing a lot…
But their Mom, who gets stuck with the laundry, DOES NOT!
Mom hates doing laundry! And no, she's not teasin’!
And please don't ask why – she has very good reason.

It is not that her head isn’t screwed on quite right.
Yes, it could be, perhaps, that her *** is too tight…
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Is that, nowadays, her heart's not in it at all.

And she has a short fuse, ‘cause she feels overused,
So she stands there on laundry day, feeling the blues.
Staring down at the piles with a sour, Grinchy frown.
At the whites and the darks and the mid-tones and browns.

For she knows even now, everyone in the house
Is busy unhanging and wrinkling their clothes.
"They're trampling their wardrobe!" she snarled with a sneer.
"That I just finished folding! The nerve of you, dears!"
Then she growled, to the iron, with which she was pressing,
"I MUST find a way to teach those girls a lesson!"

For, tomorrow, she knew... they’d awake from their doze,
They’d wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their clothes!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing she hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

As the girls, young and old, start to search through their closets.
And they search! And they search! And they SEARCH! SEARCH! SEARCH! SEARCH!
It’s their age, I suppose – that’s the thing that must cause it.
But what they reject, on their floor they deposit.
Everything ends up crumpled and soiled and creased -
Which is something their mother can’t stand in the least!

And THEN they do something she likes least of all!
Every girl getting ready, the tall and the small,
Will stand there, start dialing, get their friends’ cell phones ringing.
They'll stand, phone-in-hand. And then they’ll start querying,
This friend, and that friend, about what they are wearing!

And if they do not all co-ordinate just so
Not back in their drawers but to Mom these clothes all go
Once weekly such vast piles of laundry they bring
That their Mother now thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for many long years I've put up with it now!
”I must STOP all that laundry from coming...But HOW?"

Then she got an idea. An awful idea.
This mom got a wonderful, “awful” idea…
"I know just what to do!" this mom laughed in her throat.
“I'll teach those two what it's like to be in my boat...”

So she unpacked the washer, the dryer, and hamper,
All over the house finding clothes she did scamper!
The t-shirts! The sweaters! The jeans! And the undies!
The jammies! The towels! The socks! And the hoodies!
Then two storeys up! Up the stairs she did hump it!
She climbed to the second floor hallway and dumped it!
"Pooh-pooh to those two!" she was Grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They'll find soon enough that no clean clothes are coming!

"Next time they wake up, I know just what they'll do!
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
“Then both of my girls will start crying BOO-HOO!
“That's a noise," grinned their mom, "That I simply must hear!
When they learn laundry service is stopping this year!"

(To be continued - maybe - when we see how this little experiment turns out… Meanwhile, I'm off to carve the roast beast...)

aamater aamater
46-50, F
6 Responses Sep 25, 2012

I can almost see the movie now - with Melissa McCarthy as the raging mom

I find when I read a couple of Dr. Seuss books to my son I start getting the urge to talk like that the rest of the day. Cute poem!

LMAO... you're a poet and you know it! Very cool, fellow Canuck!

This is AMAZING! I hope that you read it to your girls. It would be a great way of communicating the message. You must be a super awesome mom :)

Love it. Did this all just come to you or did you plan it all out while doing laundry? I think I will have to make my friends read this so that they too can liberate themselves from all their kids laundry.

Love the writing, and the sentiment. We took in foster kids a couple of times, plus had a fairly large family. Eight all together, at two different times. So, when the kids reached 10 (I think it was as that was years ago) they had to do their own laundry, and take turns with dishes first, and cooking second. At some age, when a little older, besides their allowance, they also got clothing money, and they bought all their clothes. And if they made bad decisions, they lived with them. Our hope was when they left home, they could budget, and be self sufficient. For boys, didn't have to get married because they were starving. Generally think it kinda worked. Good luck with you experiment.