Advice Columnist, Me?!

I often thought I would make a good Advice Columnist. I call it as I see it. I chose three fields in which I absolutely no nothing about--just like some of our politicans--I think I would be good.
Child raising, Pets, and Marriage. Allow me to put on my Horn-rimmed glasses, get to my Old typewiter and start advising. My Psuedo is Antee LoLa.

Dear Antee: I am 25 happily married, my hubby works all night. We have a four year old named Eggerton. My problem is thus, I never trained Eggerton and never thought to buy him a bed. So he's still in diapers and a crib. Am I lazy or just being a Bad Mother?

Bad Mother? Girl, you are lazy! How do you think he feels waking every morning only to look through bars and be most likely "Loaded Down"! Do you take him out that way? are other kids going to ridecule him? Ya think! (Neighbor kid and this is true, found I was still in a crib at 4, think I won any points?) You like changing Diapers? Do you have any clothes for him? what about school, think the Nurse is going change him? Serious issues here, better start reading up on basic mothering skills.
Good Advice, I think.

Dear Antee: My elderly Aunt Hilda from Boston is coming to visit me for a day. I have a English Bulldog, Ossicifer, He likes to get friendly with things and people if you get my drift. My Aunt carries a large handbabg that she has had forever. I fear the worst, what to do?

It depends on which old bag he is more fond of getting to know first. Gently remove the hand bag from Aunties arms when she comes in, tell her it will be safe in the closet (Closets are good, I tried Mums coat many a time, I still spend a lot of my time hiding myself from my family). If Ossicifer can be put out be all means do so, if not, lock, yes I said lock, him in another room it will prevent one of those "chance" encounters between them, Auntie won't get an unintended thrill and Ossicifer will not have conquered new territory.
Sound Advice.

Antee: I am 34 and married, I love my hubby but am turned on by the kid next door, he is eighteen and cleans their pool in a Speedo. My hubby is 44, waist size and 44 age wise. My heart yearns for Robby but my Heart burns after being passionate with Leo. Any suggestions?

Leo pays the Bills, Leo puts a roof over your head, Leo works everyday to pay for all that? and Robby has nice Buns.... Leo is fat, Leo loves you. Well!, aren't we a selfish little snip! 4 out of 5 ain't bad. Get real, Girl, Robbie is half your age and probably has double the looks. You must have found something you liked about Leo if you married him. Poor Leo, his wife is checking out some Chicken while the Steak is cooking.

I think I could do as well as anyone could, I just need a sponsor.
paddytram paddytram
56-60, M
1 Response Nov 29, 2012

Thank-you. Funny thing is these stories are not any more bizzare than the real (?) ones I read in the Paper.