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Amusing Late Night Banter

Hello one and all and welcome to this episode of "Hongruilin After Dark". Nooo, it's NOT what you think, there will be no sex-capades written about here, no public confessions of my sexual exploits or fantasies and no pictures of a revealing nature. My horns are quite small today and the tail has been firmly tucked away. So pull that mind out of the gutter RIGHT NOW!

*listens to choruses of whining and disappointed "Aww's" and mutters under breath to self*

"Sheesh, the nerve of some people! Does a girl really have to flirt all the time? Why does everything have to be about sex with you guys?! Damn it, I really need to learn to copy and paste the interrobang already."

*makes mental note*

Anyways ... were was I? Ah yes, this posting ... right, thanks. So, what this story IS about is my sense of humour. My sense of humour is a difficult thing to define and pin down. Trust me, I've tried! The darned thing is wiry and always manages to get the jump on me. I think it's been taking secret ninja lessons from someone, because it sure figured out how to make the whole "sweep the leg" thing work better then I ever could ... I'm rambling again aren't I? Did I loose everyone yet? Hello? Hello?

*taps microphone*

Is this thing even on? Hmm ...

Okay, I think I may be proving my own point today and at the same time providing everyone a lesson in what lack of sleep does to a normally relatively sane (I said relatively! Quit your snickering!) person's brain. It makes it mush. If you've managed to follow along up until this point you, my friends, deserve a gold star! Thank you for your patience, please hold on while your captain makes a slight course adjustment to get us back on track.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is that I'm a weirdo. A goofball who can be cheesy and corny sometimes, flippantly and sarcastically irreverent at other times and always more then a little bit "bat-crap crazy". I also tend to be rather easily amused. My sense of humour can be odd and sometimes questionable or confusing to others, not everyone gets it. Something that was most recently demonstrated by the fact that I was required to add a disclaimer to a humorous story I wrote about how much "I Hate My Husband", after I received an inbox full of offers to help me and how to fix my marriage.

In "real life" my quirks and slight craziness (I thought I told you to stop snickering!) have a tendency to lead people to just "nod and smile" in response while they slowly back away, wary of contagion, and then turing to run the other direction - fearing either for their life or their sanity (probably both). Here on EP however, it's quite "a horse of a different colour" entirely. I'm thrilled to have discovered a venue in which sometimes another kindred soul ventures forth to join me in and embrace the absurdity of it all. I've made quite a few friends here who constantly make me smile and leave me collapsed on the floor in fits of giggles (you guys know who you are), especially late at night when I tend to get just the tiniest bit sillier, and possibly (alright, certainly) VERY immature. 

Anyhoo ... the whole point of todays disjointed sharing session was to post the following conversation which amused the hell out of me last night and still has me giggling today. I'm sure it will get more then a few *groans* and *eye rolls* or people *backing away, while nodding and smiling*. Hopefully, however, it at least makes some of you chuckle in the same way I have been.

Oh, wait, first an explanation and a special note of thanks.

To begin with, the note of thanks. Thank you DRock, one of my newest friends, for always being so goofy and irreverent with me. You are one of those good friends I've made here that get me and that me giggle and smile on a daily basis. It's refreshing to find someone who has such an AWESOME and unique sense of humour and just might possibly be as bonkers as I am. Welcome to the club! Glad to have you in my circle. 

*smiles and hugs ya*

Now the explanation. Last night D Rock had asked a question here on EP about seeing people's hooters - as in owl, not boobs. Again you guys with the sexual stuff! Okay ... well maybe it was sightly sexual, but just in a funny not serious manner. I'll forgive you this time.

The point being, he had asked this question and as it usually does with us it evolved into a back and forth joke/story telling type of thing in the comment section. It became a whole thing where I was out in the woods alone at night, with a flashlight looking for some owls to show him. Don't even try to understand it, just accept it! At this point in the evening I had just written that I had: tripped over a root, stumbled, lost my flashlight and it flickered out leaving me in complete darkness - or something along those lines.

And now I present to you the conversation that followed in messages:

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 1:23 AM
Did you find those hooters yet?

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 1:24 AM
I just lost my flashlight.

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 1:26 AM
Lol I seen that. You know if you would have a pet owl in your house I wouldn't have to send you out by yourself.

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 1:27 AM
But the dogs would eat it!

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 1:28 AM
Never mind then i guess i dont need hooters ... Can I taste your melons then?

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 1:30 AM

*hands you a slice of watermelon, honeydew melon and cantaloup*

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 1:31 AM
Sweet! Thanks!

How big are your jugs? I'm very thirsty

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 1:33 AM
I have 4 - 10 gallon water jugs in my kitchen. Drink up.

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 1:34 AM
Thanks I haven't had anything to drink all day!

So where is your rack?

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 1:35 AM
By the front door, you hung your coat on it when you came in.

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 1:38 AM
I just forgot. I am getting kinda cold and wanted to get my jacket.

Has anyone ever told you how nice your balloons were?

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 1:41 AM
Thanks. I like to collect them. I think the pink sparkly one is my favourite, but the helium is starting to leak out so it doesn't float as well anymore.

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 1:42 AM
It's a nice collection even if they don't float.

Those breasts look yummy! Are they tender?

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 1:43 AM
And juicy! Which is surprising considering white meat is usually the drier part of the chicken.

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 1:46 AM
I love me some juicy chicken!

Why are your headlights turned on?

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 1:54 AM
Because the outside light isn't working and I needed to see my way back and forth to the house to bring in the groceries and I forgot to turn them off. Would you mind running and doing it so it doesn't kill my battery?

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 2:10 AM
Sure ill turn them off

Whoa those are some big bazookas! Are they real?

Hongruilin Feb 3, 2013 2:13 AM
Yeah, I like to collect heavy weaponry.

IamDRock Feb 3, 2013 2:15 AM
Ok I ain't got nothing else lol


*still giggling to herself at the immaturity and corniness of it all*

Funny, right? You're laughing, right? You'd better be laughing, I will not accept anything less. Laugh now, or else ... or else ... actually, I got nothing. I'm all just hollow bluffs. Okay, that's all for now, I've subjected you to enough of my wackiness. Go forth, be good, have fun and do something silly today! 

Later Taters,

P.S. - Thanks, too, to the rest of my circle members. I adore each and everyone of you complete and utter nut cases! It's a wonder they don't lock us all up and throw away the key, but as longs as they're letting us run free it's a privilege to wreak havoc with you. 

P.P.S. - This is a public service announcement: "Spooning leads to forking, please use condiments!". We now return you to your regularly scheduled EP programming.  
Hongruilin Hongruilin 31-35, F 6 Responses Feb 3, 2013

Your Response


Hey, is ET on tonight?

Good night, that's some awesomely funny stuff!

Awww! Maaan!
Maybe someday I'll get to see how big your horns really are & that hot tail! ;-) lol
My mind's never in the gutter. As a matter of fact, I never think about gutters or what's in them.

Anonymity brings out that deep down nerve of some. (Handcuffed to a chair in a small dark room w/ one bright light in my eyes):
Why not flirt all the time? ;-) Testosterone!

(Barely audible w/ laughter): I'm here…(gasp)…Your ninja humor…(gasp)… had me laughing so hard…(gasp)…I couldn't make a sound! (Gasp)

Watch what you're doin' with that! Sharp pointed objects are dangerous!
The lack of sleep thing…I can totally relate. Punch-drunk mush brain. Who spiked the punch anyway?
Who's got the snickers bar? You should share!
Yeah, I earned a gold star! :-)
Wait! There's a captain runnin' this crazy train?!
A mush brained captain at that! No wonder it went off the track!

I love cheesy corn goofballs! Yumm! :-')
Especially when served w/ a heapin' side of flippant & sarcastic irreverence! Please hold the bat-crap though! Yuk! That stuff stinks! Kinda like ammonia!
I'll have to check that out…the disclaimer
& story.
I'll stuff your inbox full………of offers that is…to help ya… they'll probably not help your marriage at all though. More like hinder. Where'd your mind just go? Better check the gutter! ;-)

Who the hell has that snickers bar?
I'll stay, as you can tell by the tears, I'm already infected.
WOW! Whose purple horse is that?

To be continued. :-)

*laughing so hard she collapses on the floor in a fit of un-controllable giggles*

So this is a ***-for-tat thing is it? I see how your playing this. Well then, "***" received, please stand by for my upcoming "tat" ...

... In 6-7 hours when the sleep deprived mushy brained captain has taken over driving again. ;-)

Hehehe! :-D

No maam! I beg to differ! You showed me your *** first! I was merely showing you my tat!

Btw, where is that mush brain, anyhoo?
I thought she liked my tat so much that she was gonna show me more ***!

TY, BTW!……For the *** that is.

I sincerely apologize if this reply went too far.
I just couldn't help myself. It's hilarious to me.


Not at all, it was hilarious. Such a good response. Unfortunately the mush brain gave way to the I'm so exhausted I can't keep my eyes open to type brain and Hongruilin had to exit the building and find a bed to crawl into.

She'll try better at showing you more *** tonight. ;-)

Looking forward to seeing more of your ***!
It's so lovely! ;-)

Hey wait a second ... I just realized you said: "To be continued" and then you never continued it! You had only gotten to the point of "stuffing my inbox".


Yes I did dear but, before I had the chance, you offered me more *** and you know how we men are when a woman offers such a thing. Besides,I did begin stuffing your inbox along with the inboxes of a few other lovely ladies. This is your story captain so which would you like, me showing you more of my tat or, you showing me more of your ***? :-)


I'll get back to you on that one when I'm not so exhausted I can barely read the type on my screen. :-)

Too late dear, now that we've had such a lovely time stuffing each other's inbox & generously shown me plenty of ***, here's more tat! ;-)

……Ahhh, Thriller, yes! Care to dance?
Family reunions can be absurd. Especially the group kinfolk hug. Some kin are creepy.
Dear lady, what are you doing on the floor again? It's not even past 6pm? MEDIC!!!

Me, who. I said sharp pointed objects are dangerous! Please put that samurai sword away! And it's not nice to remove a sharing session's joint and keep it to yourself. Serves ya right, gettin' the hell amused out of ya!
I'll have you know that I don't "groan" & "eye-roll"…well not unless you count the occasional times during a wonderful O!
Some people should watch where they're going
when around ou and your points!
Thanks for dinner! It was delicious. The cheesy corn goofball gave me the chuckles too! I love when it does that! :-)

You're so courteous & kind!
Sooo , when someone joins Club Bonkers, you welcome them into your "circle"? Did your mind wander off to the gutter again?

Do tell!
No ma'am, you mentioned boobs first! Always with the ****! Blaming us for all the sexual stuff! I knew your mind was in the gutter!
I love double entendres!
I require no forgiveness.

To be continued…

*licks your neck, smacks you with a pillow, spanks you and runs away giggling*

(I think that covered all things that were needed ... for now ... I will respond to this later. :p)

6 More Responses

*looks around cautiously* whispers, I understand very well. *backing away cautiously looking around to see who's in the room*

Why's there a battleship on your front lawn?

Because it was too big to fit in the bathtub and the backhoe can't come dig the pool until next month. I happen to think it adds a certain "je ne sais quoi"!

Ya know the neighbour down the street has an Iraqi submarine in his pool, and the d8 would dig your pool pretty quick to. (I saw you driving it to work the other day)

Yeah ... But there are permits to be had, and this whole operating a d8 without a license issue to clear up down at the courthouse ..,

Lol. Drive it into the courthouse, problem solved. Just watch the fire hydrants, don't want the kids covered in ice from playing in it


Thanks for the tips!

2 More Responses

I needed that laugh! thanks ma'am

You are most welcome! Glad you could enjoy it.

Awesome and I can see that conversation playing out. Hmmmm, I just wish I could write like you.... .hey... wait a sec.. Oh... .never mind!!!


This from another man who leaves me in stitches quite a lot of the time.

I honestly don't mean to send you to the hospital that much, I guess it's just the way you wind me up.

It's okay, they've given me a "frequent flyer" membership and my own special padded room.

So, that is what all that banging is next door!

Well what did you think it was? Did you see a renovation crew?

You mean, you have windows over there!!! I'm jealous, they don't allow me to look out.... it' tough enough trying to type with this fricking.....stupid..... coat that they put on me. I'm not EVEN COLD!

I get special privileges for being such a long standing member of the club.

Sometimes, I think that they just forgot about me here.

Aww ... Nobody puts emoenjr in a corner!

Damn! you see that this is a circle room the bastards put me in too... that means you got one of them two way mirrors!!! You get all the perks.

7 More Responses

Bravo! Loved the writing and this D-Rock fellow is kinda funny in a weird sorta crazy way.. But he is nothing compared to the likes of you!

Haha, probably not, I don't think anyone is as weird and crazy as I am! But he sure comes close ...