Sex Spam

(The email message, just below, is a fairly typical spam scam. A supposedly young, gorgeous female, who just happens to have a fetish for "older men," attempts to lure some senior with more cents than sense into handing his credit card over in return for the vain hope of a May-December romance. My reply to "Jessica" and her second identical message to me follows her "pitch.")

From: Jessica 
Date: Jan 3, 2009 8:44 AM
Subject: How's It Hanging?

Hows it going, I just found you in the profile browse thingy and thought I would say Hi. I am recently out of a 4 year relationship and looking to get out and have some fun. My boyfriend was young and immature ughh. I am going to be in your area to visit a friend so I thought I would find out more about you, maybe we can hang out when I get there =) I am normally on frienster just signed up for myspace so i am not that familiar with this. Can you add me as a friend? Oh BTW do you have a girlfriend? We should chat more. If you are online right now you should go to my webcam, you can get to it from my homepage. O don't worry. It's free, silly. You just have to register with your credit card to prove you are 21. Hopefully you are still online, I have no life. I'll be online for a while lol. Hope to hear from you soon

-Jess 

(My Reply to "Jess")
From: Rick
Date: Jan 4, 2009 10:17 AM
Subject: How's It Hanging?

High...it is hanging high, actually. 

How pleasant to find your beautiful face adorning my space...twice as a matter of fact. Evidently, you were doubly thrilled with the opportunity to introduce yourself to me...hence the duplicate message. 

I am especially flattered that I am among the first people you contacted upon arriving here. I know this because your profile page reveals that you currently have only one friend, the ubiquitious, Tom. I am sure, however, that in very short order your space will be literally deluged with proposals from suitors desirous of supplanting me in your heart. 

In the meantime, I should be delighted to assist you in forgetting all about that callow thief who stole four years of your tender, young life. 

Let me take this moment to express my gratitude for your romantic interest in me. I have to honestly confess that when I hit 90 years of age many moons ago, I despaired of any hope that I might ever again press my sagging, withered and liver-spotted skin against the taut, smooth flesh of a nubile beauty such as yourself. 

You have resurrected me! And once I am released from this awful rest home and can get some help climbing out of my wheelchair, I shall find my way to your side. 

Yes, before you know it, you will hear the "klomp..klomp..klomp" of my walker as I come for you. 

Jessica, your years of quiet desperation are almost at an end. I feel confident that I can promise weeks of raw, carnal adventures together before I have to have that colostomy. Even then, I am certain that you will come to find my stoma as deserving of attention as my old anal sphincter ever was. 

We shall be inseparable, you and I. Given your youth and vitality and my shrunken and wasted body, you should be able to carry me from room to room with no difficulty whatsoever. Between my social security and your earnings, we shall celebrate the good life; remasticated wheat bran roughage in the morning, a nap before Wheel of Fortune in the afternoon and then the Early Bird Special at 4:00pm. We could even afford an occasional Sunday drive to watch the ducks at the lake. 

At night, we shall exchange bodily fluids together. You cannot imagine the rapture of having your nipples teased and drooled on by a man whose teeth are in a cup next to the bed. 

Jessica, my heartbeat quickens at the prospect of clutching at you with my arthritic fingers. Even now, my abnormal heart rhythm threatens to short out my cardiac pacemaker. I tremble so wildly in anticipation of our joining that one can hardly distinguish my Parkinson's tremor. I long to ***** off my Depends Wear and get myself propped up beside you in our hospital bed. 

Jessica...Jessica...I am coming, coming, coming... 

WraithSword WraithSword
56-60, M
3 Responses Mar 14, 2009

LOL Such an obvious scam. Thanks !

Oddly enough, I never heard back from Jessica.

"You cannot imagine the rapture of having your nipples teased and drooled on by a man whose teeth are in a cup next to the bed. "<br />
<br />
LOL! That made me laugh so hard I snorted kiwi juice out my nose.