A Spam Parody

Grayson Moorhead
Investments

"Losing Our Clients' Money With Dignity and Pride Since 1926"

We at Grayson Moorhead believe in one simple truth: Your money is our money. When you invest with Grayson Moorhead, you do so with the confidence of knowing that your portfolio will be managed with the same imagination and creativity that has consistently brought investors, large and small, to financial ruin and has steadily devoured entire fortunes.

Unlike other investment firms that avariciously pursue capital expansion, we at Grayson Moorhead place singular emphasis on the principle of blind luck. 

While other firms seek safe tax havens, Grayson Moorhead invites intrusive and expensive audits by the IRS.

At Grayson Moorhead, we are guided by the spirit of our founder, whose memory is preserved and whose example is honored by the Richard Cory Memorial Fund.

For nearly eighty years, we at Grayson Moorhead have been taking your money and giving you the business. And, capitalizing on your sustained gullibility, we shall continue to identify worthless stocks and fraudulent bonds in which to invest your last dollars.

No two investors are alike. At Grayson Moorhead, we understand this and we apply proven methods for erasing your savings with a unique and individual approach to every investment.

Most of our competitors pledge to reward your trust with solid growth and robust earnings. Here at Grayson Moorhead, your account executive makes this solemn promise, to give you the shirt off his back once he manages to lose yours.

Any investor with half a brain can generate income growth. But at Grayson Moorhead, our clients are taught humility and desperation; lessons worth their weight in gold.

Yes, at Grayson Moorhead, we invest your money the old fashioned way; we lose it.

Grayson Moorhead Investments
A Member Of The KrushSkull Industries family of companies