BRIDE of Spam Parody

Are You So Old That When You Describe Childhood Experiences You Have To Specify The Century?

Are You So Fat That Even Your Fingernails Qualify As Morbidly Obese?

Are You So Stupid That You're Still Waiting For O.J. Simpson to Unmask The Real Murderer of Nicole and Ron?

Are Your Eyes So Shot That You Can't Even See The Hair Growing Out Of The Top Of Your Nose?

Are you So Pathetic That A Rare Sexual Thought Prompts You To Recollect Fond Feelings For Your Right Hand Before Arthritis?

Do You Need Chapstick When You Read To Yourself?

Do Your Facial Features Look Like A Hillside After An Avalanche?

Is The Quality Of Your Bowel Movement The Big Event Of The Day?

When The Meals-On-Wheels Person Says "Hi" To You, Are You Stuck For An Answer?

Does Your Best Friend Require Inflation?

Do You Take So Many Drugs That Your Weekly Pharmacy Prescriptions Are Delivered By Bekins?

Are You So Addled That When You Talk To Yourself You Lose The Thread Of The Conversation?

Is Your Idea Of An Exhausting Day Having To Hoist Yourself Up Onto The Bedpan?

Did You Nearly Starve The Last Time The Microwave Broke Down?

Do You Nod Off In The Middle Of Diarrhea?

Has Your Wardrobe Begun To Look Suspiciously Like Your Bed Sheet?

Are You So Forgetful That You Can't Read Your Reminder Post-Its Because You Can't Remember Where You Left Your Bifocals?

Do You Actually Find Yourself Lip-synching To The Funeral Home Commercials On TV?

If This Is You, Then You Need...

S O M

Steroids On Methamphetamines

SOM is a safe and effective Dietary Supplement.

As described by Billy Mays on his highly rated infomercials, SOM has been labeled "the health discovery of the millennium" by such renowned publications as The Rochester New Jersey Journal of Holistic and Alternative Medicine and the Buffalo Weekly Sentinel.

SOM has undergone days of rigorous testing by the esteemed 3rd and K Street Laboratory of Hutchins, New Mexico.

Following a recent relocation to a new manufacturing plant in Medellin, Columbia, Dr. Javier Diaz, the inventor of SOM, announced that minor distribution glitches involving SOM misunderstandings with U.S. Government agencies would be ironed out shortly.

In the meantime, SOM is available exclusively through a proprietary retail distribution channel of independent contractors. These contractors are conveniently located on street corners in and around large urban centers throughout America.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Dr. Diaz Guarantees that SOM will:

• Curb your appetite by nearly 100%
• Elevate cardiac and pulmonary activity by up to 1000%
• Promote uninterrupted attention levels for days at a time
• Boost energy by a whopping 18000%

With SOM

• You can forget memory problems
• You can forget pain
• You can forget practically everything

Just Read These TESTIMONIALS From Popular Show Business Personalities:

"I was 306 lbs of desperation. After just three weeks on SOM, I was cast in a Steven Spielberg film as an emaciated inmate in a concentration camp." Mildred Wibble

"I could not get a job on television at the point of a gun. But only four days after starting SOM, I was hired by a cable access network as sole host, producer, director, crew and guest for their program: 24/7/365." Delbert Cooney

"I went from being a monk under a vow of silence at a monastery in Tibet to the Guinness World Record holder for both speed and duration of speech. Before being admitted to the Betty Ford Clinic, I had spoken non-stop for 37 days and nights. I owe everything to SOM." (the late) Brother Harvey Cantwell

Even the United States Attorney General acknowledges that "...the effects of SOM on the human body are indisputable..."

So What Are You Waiting For?

Go Out Now And Get You SOM!
It's Just What The Doctor Ordered.

Remember..."We Took The -SOM- Out Of Insomnia"
...Dr. Javier Diaz

SOM™
Another Innovative Product From Pusher Laboratories, Inc
(A Division of KrushSkull Industries)

WraithSword WraithSword
56-60, M
8 Responses Mar 19, 2009

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that was great! hahaha

that was great! hahaha

Thank you for chuckling, ladies! All I need is a guffaw or two and I'm inspired.

Loooooove it!

hahaha i loved that!

hahaha!lol,great!i love it!

THANK YOU! I needed to laugh, that was great lol-lol-lol!!!