My Manipulative Stepmother

My stepmother is literally the worst person I have ever met in my life. After coercing my father to leave a 14 year marriage she systematically destroyed my life, under the guise of a "loving stepmother." Before she even married my father I was forced to buy her a mother's day gift and thank her for being "like a mother" to me. She has always marched around with the thought that I owe her something when all she has ever brought me is pain. She has destroyed my relationship with my father beyond repair. It is impossible to have a moment alone with him. She screens his calls and checks his facebook messages. She has turned my father into a spineless shell of the man he once was. Worse yet, she has convinced my father that I am completely unworthy of his love, and went so far as to drive me out of my home as soon as I graduated high school. Then she decides to pass judgement on me for moving in with my boyfriend and his parents when I had NOWHERE ELSE TO GO. She has told me more lies about my mother than I can count, blaming my mother for my parents' split when all she ever did was love my dad. She has spent the past five years manipulating my family. I am the source of all of their problems. I am the reason her marriage to my dad is suffering. I have done nothing but cause her heartache when all she has ever done is love me and treat me like her own child. Yeah Right. As long as I have known her she has constantly compared me to her daughter who is the same age as me, and told me things like "You'll be lucky if you don't get pregnant before your out of high school", "My daughter would never act that way", "You should be more like my daughter". And my dad jumps right on the bandwagon. She has singled me out and emotionally tormented me, when I have done nothing but attempt to succeed, graduate tenth in my class in high school, and attend nursing school with a 4.0 so far. What am I doing wrong? How am I not good enough? No matter what I do I will never live up to her daughter. Her nineteen year old daughter who dated her 40 year old college professor. Yeah. I'll never be that good.
corndoghappy corndoghappy
18-21, F
11 Responses May 16, 2012

All these lovely girls posting here need to know that these stories are all about the stepmother, not about them. Men are weak sometimes and change into sad rags, not unlike women who suffer abuse, your willpower fades and in the end you have been told so many times, you believe you are not the men you were before. But don't give up. These insecure and unhappy creatures are not allowed to get a grip on YOU . Keep your mantra going and focus on yourself and seeing how amazing you are despite being put down. Rise above. read about neurotic people and crazy narcissists and do not let her ruin your life, that is more than is entitled to. much more. I know a girl, who is like a daughter to me, who is suffering the same faith and now refuses to see her father. And to see you girls all go through this at the hands of some maniac *****. UGH! Hang in there beautiful women and just now, she is just jealous. Good luck !!!

I am having a very similar case with my stepmother. She has manipulated my dad to throw me and my sister out of the house by giving him the "you love me or you love them" speech. Yesterday was the worst New Years of my life because my dad called and told us "We need a break from you guys so dont come over this weekend at all. I am sick of people making me feel guilty and you are at the top of that list". When we asked him why he hung up on us. I am usually not the crying kind of person but boy did I cry yesterday. Additionally, my stepmother (whose named is Sonia Blanco) called the cops on my dad a few weeks ago claiming that he had hit her and physiologically hurt her for years. She tried to tell the cops that he abandoned her with his children and that he has been in league with a crazy ex-workers that is planning to kill her children. My stepmother with my dad have had two kids together. She nearly got him arrested and while my dad sobbed because he was heartbroken I hugged him and tried to protect him. I have been my dad`s emotional support and even supported him in work for most of his life. I can't believe he has done this. I am so angry and hurt right now.

Fight back, love your father as much as you can and spend time doing things with him. Get him to see how much you care because then he will see how much you care and care back. He won't let words of spite get in between you. You guys are all awesome and understanding and all though I'm not there I know how strong all of you are. I have a stepmother too and each one of you have described a part of her. Everyday living with her I wish I could snap my fingers and she'd be gone.

hey I'm 18 and I've been living with this inconsiderate ***** since I was 12...I have a disability with reading, writing, and speaking. it's not that bad but I'm slow in some areas....now to this woman who is my dad's girlfriend for 6 years now, has takin advantage of my disabilities and has called me retarted, stupid and litteraly yesturday a ****. she was good for at least three years, however when we moved into the new house she changed and she's been rude to me ever since. I can't do anything he can't be on her side, he can't be on mine because if he's on my side she freaks out. she always has to be right about every single detail you can have an argument with her as an adult and she is 54 years old. for example yesterday me and my boyfriend were going to fix my car because there are scratches on it (which I didn't put there) and she came out of nowhere and she started screaming at me and my boyfriend and we didn't know why, so I told her you know what just drop it OK I don't want to deal with this right now. her attitude was unbearable I can even describe it, it's not something an 18-year-old girl should have to go through since she was 12 years old you know what I mean? yesterday she told me it would get the **** out, just get the **** out! she called my dad and she told him that I'm such a brat and she probably didn't even tell my dad that she called me a a little ******* **** face that's what she called me. no one talks to me like that. not something you say to me I have had depression since I was so young because I was bullied because I was fat and whatever and it doesn't help whenever a woman comes into your life and treats you that way. I have had anxiety attacks so many times in high school I have had therapy in high school but that doesn't really work whenever you go to work with this person and then you come home and you're living with this person I don't have a minute to myself she always has to have her way even when it doesn't even involve her.
I didn't have a mother to begin with. my biological mother abandoned me when I was two years old so whenever she came into my life it was great because I thought I actually had a mother but one time whenever we got into a fight she said "well I don't want to be your mother anyway!"

my heart broke I was so mad and upset and I'm not the kind of person to to want to hurt people. I wouldn't intentionally hurt someone.
but she makes me so mad she was getting in between me and my dad.

HUGE NOTE: she never had kids before and ne'er can!

this is what ****** me off most. she can't have a kid and she has the nerve to treat me so badly.

she is so judgemental. my family invited her into our family with open arms. and he talks horribly about everyone like she is so perfect...it's not fun. am I suppose to just sit there?

my family tells me you have to put up with it. I don't want to! why would I have to put up with her attitude.

she complains to my dad about everything! absolutely everything and always repeats herself...it's honestly unbearable

Thank you for having the guts to say whats in your heart. My 12 year old daughter feels the same way with her stepmother. Her father and I were together 11 years. It ended with her pregnancy. At first I was torn apart, but I found my happiness within myself and two wonderful kids. I have my own personal feelings towards the woman, but I keep it all to myself. She is now a major part in their lives, and I do not want my children to hate someone they live with on the weekends. But my daughter has very strong feelings about her stepmom. I have told my daughter that no one is perfect, and she needs to find things she likes about her. Like,"She always washes your clothes to make sure you have clean clothes to wear. She cooks meals for you so you have food in your tummy." But in my daughters eyes, the woman is so hateful, mean, jealous of the bond between her and her father. She says she never gets one minute alone with her father, and that is all she wants. So this past week, I sent my ex her report card with all A's and B's. I told him that a great way to reward her would be to take her on a father, daughter date. I know she would love that so much. But he never responded. I have been trying to find something to give me guidance on how to help my daughter. If anyone has anything positive I can tell my daughter to help her cope with her feelings, please share. Thank you

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Totally understand the "turned my father into a spineless shell of the man he once was".

Thank you for posting this. I went through the same thing in my life and it is like going to a boot camp over and over and over again, how hard it is. I don't think anyone without stepmoms know how hard it is to deal with this emotional abuse. I knew a marine once who told me that he can handle physical pain, but not emotional pain - emotional pain would take him right down. So you and I and everyone else on this post should know that we are in the top 5 strongest people on earth - people who undergo the abuse of a stepmother. Let that add to your self respect and self esteem that you are amazing and smart and capable of getting through extremely difficult situations. I lost my mother to cancer and within a year my father began a relationship with this other woman and she moved in shortly after that. No explanations, no preparing us, no talks. Just expecting us to become doting servants to this spoiled, biting, caustic "diva", who never lifts a finger around the house. It sickens me. I will never be like that and I vow to be an awesome, loving, caring, supportive mother to my kids one day. The opposite of this witch.

The same thing has happened to me. I am in my forties now, and I can promise you, nothing will ever change. You will never be able to please her. These women are mentally sick even though they may conduct their lives as appearing normal, nice, etc. She will play the victim if you return the abuse in any way, meanwhile she has instigated all of the ill will. I got forced out of my dad and stepmom's home too when I was eighteen due to her horrible behaviour, and have never been apologized to in any way. Stepmothers are very jealous of father daughter relationships, and they brainwash the father to believe their own daughter is an enemy. My best advice is to have very limited contact, try to call them out on their manipulative tactics, and try to remember it is not about you; both of them are the ones with the problem. All the best

i have the same problem , my step mum is like that. iv lived with her since i was 13 im now 21 and all them years put me down and through depression.

You shouldn't be trying to live up to your step mother's expectations. You're obviously a smart, strong person and if your step mother can't acknowledge that, then she isn't worth it. Trust me, I have a step mother similar to yours and she's always constantly trying to find ways to lower my self esteem to the point where I was clinically depressed for half a year. She even tried convincing my dad to send me to an asylum. I had to make a choice. Either I let my ***** of a step mother control my life or I do. It was hard making decisions for myself, but it liberated me. I now don't let her get to me anymore. So the next time your step mother makes a snard remark about how your not good enough, look her straight in the eye and tell her to shove it because your not living by her standards, only yours. I hope I've helped. :)