Bad Step Mother

my stepmother is the worst she always gets into mine and my dads business and she want ever let him do anything for me. Every time we get into a fight she gets into it and puts her 2 cents in and it has nothing to do with here and then me and her get into it.If she would just stay out of it i could get along with her. But now i will never be able to. She had me but in jail. She had my calls blocked from my dads cell and then from the house phone but not from hers though so i called and ask here to take the block off. She said no you will never talk to your dad again. So i said a bunch of crap to her and she said A bunch to me. we fought on the phone almost all day her calling and threating me and my mother and i would call her back after she would hang up on me and she would do the same and all i wanted was to talk to my dad to see if he wanted to see his 10 month old grandson that he has not seen in 5 months because me and him had and argument all i was doing was calling to make up with him and see if he wanted to and see his grandson. So she calls the police and writes a report that i am harrasing her on the phone and gets me for harrasing communications on the phone. Now how do you do that to you husbands child when all i wanted was to make up with my dad till she started all this crap what would you do?

Daughterinpain Daughterinpain
22-25, F
17 Responses Dec 12, 2009

I had a very abusive father,he mentaly tortured my brother and I. Most of the time it was because of my instigating stepmother,she never did this to her own kids(half brother and sister). I grew up 34 yrs old but bexause of everything that went on I became a heroin addict, my brother is screwed up in his own ways too. I have no love for her at all and hope she burns in hell but im not sure how to feel about him. I realize hes mentaly ill. This went on for 20 or more years. I'm trying to recover from the anger but its caused me to fail and make poor decision. I don't talk to either of them and never will again. I need to know what kind of therapy I can get to move passed this and move on with my life. I know if I succeed it will **** her off completely.

Dont feel bad, I know its hard, I have an evil step mother that did a lot of evil **** to me when I was younger and under her control. Now I have my own life, home, away from her. Its like hell. I know your pain, dont worry your not alone. Try to find help in other family members such as your mom or aunts or cousins, siblings and forget about trying to get it from your dad only. He needs to leave her right away! If he loves you he will make her respect you. If he does not than, try to do what I said, and try to get help else where. My Dad and stepmother got me arrested and put me in an inpaitient hospital! and other things... I am 30 now. He is still with her and acts like I am supposed to forgive and forget eveything. He has apologized and I have apologized and said I have forgiven her but there are still scars from the trauma. Seek help from professional therapists, and family members who love you. Tell them your situation.

I can't wait till I leave this house. It feels like forever before I finally make it. (Away from my Step Mom and everyone else)

I'm new to the whole stepmother thing. I've met a man who has 3 kids who I adore and who seem to like me too. I'm trying to educate myself as to what makes a good/bad stepmother as I want to do the best I can. The kids are all under 10 and deserve the best life they can. This thread has given me real insight so thank you. There is a common theme that if things were good to start thatthey changed when the step mother had her own kids. As there is no chance of that happening I guess that's one thing less for me to watch out for. Another theme has been abusiveness towards the step kids. I do discipline the kids when they need it but I will be careful for them to never see that as abuse. However I won't tolerate being disrespectful or inappropriate behaviour. I am lucky that both their father and mother have raised 3 lovely little kids who have a lot of love in their hearts. And that brings me to their mother. That has been trickier to manoeuvre. I try to remain very positive about her to the kids but she is not that tolerant of me and doesn't hide her feelings from the kids. I have been luck enough so for that they don't seem to care what their mother says about me and even at a young age they can form their own opinions. Step parenting is extremely difficult. It's put pressure on a marriage like you can't imagine. I give the kids time alone with their dad, I try to "know my place" but it's really hard when you feel like you don't have a voice in decisions that are being made that effect your life. So sorry for the long post but I wanted to share a view from the other side.

Omg. My stepmom is the same. No matter how much I'd try and get along with her she just plain hates me and my dad doesn't give a ****. He told me to my face I'd choose her over you. She's told me she ******* hates me and I'm a **** all because she hates my mom and I'm a part of my mom. She told me that your dad loves me. And he's taking my side. MY kids come first. She never let my dad and I spend time together because she was scared that he would buy me something. She didn't even let him give me a weekly allowance of 20$. Doing every single chore in the house. They make over $25,000 dollars a month. Needless to say I ******* hate her and I literally wish she would disappear off the face of this earth.

Here's some good advice, hard advice, but good advice. Let them go. Let your father and evil step-mother wallow in their own misery and not bring it to your door (or your phone) again. You are not being treated with any respect and even though your initial intentions are good, unfortunately your stupid step-mother is hooking you into "her game". Then calls the law as soon as you step into her game and makes it all your fault. Don't set yourself up for this crap anymore. You are better than this. If your father wants to see your child, and seeing his grandchild is something that is important to him, he will come and see him, with "your" permission. Let him be responsible for HIS relationships. It's not your responsibility. Stop trying to "fix" relationships that others clearly do not want to have. Focus on you, what's best for you and your child, what you want for your future, and most and respect yourself. You don't need your evil step-mother's or your emotionally negligent father's approval, love, respect or support. You only need these things from yourself. And remember.......when you need a helping hand, look to your own hands first! Best of luck!

Omg, know what your going through, I have a step-mom and she is nothing but trouble. She is from Honduras and my dad and her got together when I was maybe about 4. Whenever me and my little brother and sister would go and visit him she always talked to us in Spanish...never even tried to learn English. Whenever we would wet the bed she would slap us on the hands or beat us. I guess "her kind of people" don't understand that children's bladders are small and they can't help it if they wet the bed. She would constantly talk trash about my mom in Spanish because my dads side of the family (Mexican) would tell me. When I was little I got homesick a lot and when I would cry she would become short with me and keep saying "shh! no cry!". And that made me feel like I wasn't important and confused because a mother comforts children, and to me she will never be a mother. There was one time when she got one of her friends who could speak English and those cowards called my mom and cussed her out and told her to quit calling my dad and to this very day it still ****** me off. Then one time she tried to run us off the road and my mom beat her up pretty good. My dads family can't stand her. For my Quinceanera she forgot my high heel shoes in the car on purpose because the day before I lost my cool and i had to apologize when I didn't even start anything. Then, this is the worst, she tried to convince me that my brother and sister weren't my dad's real kids and since that talk I have begun to question whether I am even his daughter. I'm sick and tired of her making a big deal about my mom calling my dad and my dad has even made a big deal about how he can't even come by himself to pick me up from my mom's. I am miserable when I stay at his house. What I would do is give your dad an ultimatum-either leave her or he will not have contact will you ever again. That is what I would do.

In good company,I guess.But what an awful experience it still is.

my stepmom has been so since i was 3 when my real mother passed away. soon as she married my father it all started she took down all memories and pictures of my birth mom and threw them away. growing up she used to beat my brother and I with everything from large hickorys to hot wheels track ,coathangers,and on a couple occaisions a frying pan. when i was 16 she got mad over a dirty sock in my bedroom floor she tried to beat me but i blocked her ,she called the cops and since our arms made contact i went to juvenile for two weeks for assault. towards the end right before my father passed away he expressed how important it was to him that the family property and home stayed in our family. she assured him that she would make sure his wishes were carried out. after he passed on she sold everything including the home and property and would no longer have anything to do with my brother or me. I know how you feel i am now 43 yrs old and i still live with the painful memories and the feeling of family betrayal.

I\'m sorry you had to experience such devious, lying, selfishness. My evil step-mother pretty much did the same. Made all kinds of promises and then tried to keep everything, and what she didn\'t keep she sold. She even told me if I wanted anything of my father\'s she would sell it to me! Unbelievable. The only thing I can say to you is what I have had to say to myself. My father knew what kind of woman he married, that she lied, was selfish, greedy, and most of all.......jealous of me. And yet, he left her as executor of his Will. I am convinced he darn well did know how she was going to be and I had to sue her in court to enforce his wishes. I have done a lot of thinking about this and have concluded that my father is really the one responsible for all the experiences thrown my way by my evil step-mother. He had other alternatives and didn\'t take them to protect me, his daughter, his only child. Shame on him. And shame on your father for allowing your stupid step-mother to be cruel to you. The shame is on your father for not protecting you!

I have a stepmum who i used to love and I knew her before she got married to my dad because she worked for him. I was 2 when my parents got divorced and 7 when my dad got remarried to my stepmum. I always lived with my mom and visited my dad and stepmom on weekends. She used to make me feel special and I loved her. When I turned 12 my older brother and I moved in with my dad because my mom lost all her money and my dad didn't support her anymore. She started favoring her sin and ignoring me and my brother. Her son was 2 at the time. Soon she actually drove my brother to experimenting with drugs in his last year of high school and she found out about it and told my dad. My dad kicked him out of the house and my brother moved to a different city with my mom. Since then I've been alone and verbally abused everyday. I can't talk to anyone and my mom knows what I'm going through but I dont want to move to a different city and start a new school and leave all my old memories and friends here. My stepmom turns my dad against me and finds faults with me and she raises her voice all the time, I should be used to it by now but it scares me. My half brother even fears her but he completely disrespects me even though there's an 8 year age gap. I've considered self harm and suicide but I knew it wasn't going to help the situation so now I'm still here bearing her verbal abuse everyday and putting a brave face on even though it's killing me. Right now my dad is on a business trip coming back tomorrow and my stepmom phoned him several times telling my dad that im not listening to her and he'll have to send me to live with my mother or she's taking her son to go live with her mother. Obviously my dad is going to favor her and he doesn't want to lose her so I'm waiting to see what tomorrow holds. He could either believe her and send me to live with my mom and pay for my education and a house and food and stuff like that or he could leave her. My dad is going to side with her when he comes back, I just hope he takes the whole situation calmly and doesn't start screaming and banging furniture because he's really violent when he's upset...

If I want to be completely rational about this, I'd say this. Step parents, if you're dealing with these situations, you should seek counseling, maybe even group counseling. The amount of damage you can do to a family is incomprehensible if you allow your emotions to drive you. I had a step mom like that. She acted nice for the first few years of her marriage until she had her own kid. And I really admired her when I was young, I had my stubborn moments, but I know I had good intentions. After her first kid, she started singling me out. Making me back off from my family, scaring me, hitting me, throwing things at me, and verbally abusing me. My father, I never saw him anymore. I hated her. So so much. She insulted me, called me stupid, tricked me, lied to me, played mind games with me and lied to my family telling them I had mental problems. I was a kid. I had no idea what was going on or why. All I knew, I was scared of her. She took away my childhood. I'm putting out a lot of effort now to undo her damage. I believe there are good step moms, I've seen a few. I personally blame the fathers for letting bad step moms break apart the family. He needs backbone to teach his kids to behave politely and respectfully to their good step moms, and make sure to bring balance between his wife and his kids without it being at one's expense. Nothing is black and white, but step mom's should never split apart a family. A kid needs their father and a father needs his kids. Its disgusting to me to see such horrible people living among us.

Im 15 going on 16 ... and im in the same situation. i remeber when i was younger i used admire her , love her. My dad broke up with my mum when i was very young, my dad went though hell trying to get full custody of my sister, brother and i , because my mother has mental problems and my dad wanted to get us kids out of the situation. My dad met Cath (step mum) , i used to call her aunty , and as a little kid she was the closest thing i had to a mother besides my sister ( but a sisters and a mother are different). They said that they weren't gunna get together intil all the kid had got through highschool (her two kids from a earlier marriage and and my brother and sister). but WOOPs cath got pregnant at like 42 or something anyways ALLL of us had to move in together 4 teenages, a hormonal woman, a Man trying to provide for all these people and then me who was 8 at the time. After lily was born ( half sister) Cath snaped and turn from a mother figure to someone i feared and did everthing to please her ... it is confused for an 8 year to go though something like that and its taken me this all to figure out why im soo hated by her .. i talk to her her middle daughter stef and she made me understand and this is only recently.. Its cause we aren't there childern and i think this is in your case to .. we aren't there's so they are being forced to look after someone they phiscally cant love. But it frustrates me that my father tryed so hard to get me out of a ****** situation with my mother but then to put my in another ****** situation with Cath ... even though ive have pretty much known her all my life as i get old she becomes more of a stranger. I get soo angry that i my dad doesn't stick up for me ( but hes pretty thick (dump) so i dont think sees it most of time) . she just says stuff that you just dont say .... i dont understand .. like you would say these to a person across the street or or someone you work with so why would you say " your ruining my family", "i dont know how your still in school", " you a a little ****" .. im not some awful teenage who is disrepectful or rude.. i dont go drinking ever weekend.. im a good kid who's averaging B's a school ..... how did you get your dead around it ?

"She acted nice for the first few years of her marriage until she had her own kid". Sweet Lord, this actually scared me with how truthful it is.

My stepmother basically told me when I was about six years old she hated me bc I look like my mother. My dad loves my mom and my mother is much prettier, thinner, bubbly, and fun to be around than his wife now. she would get into a fight with my dad bc he ignored her supposedly on my weekend visits. Which ended bc of her when I was 11-12. She screamed in my face and spit all over me " I hate you!!". I was like 6 yers old. I was terrified I never even looked at her let alone speak to her. She turned my bedroom into her personal storage unit within a year my bed was gone. Only boxes. She said to me and my father one night they were fighting "at least I don't have kids I pretend are mine". My da actuallygot upset but he still didn't defend me. I found out when I was 8 he wasn't my bio-dad. I would eat snacks without asking if u was allowed and she would scream all weekend about it. But u wasn't use to having to ask ya know. I said to my d why didn't someone just tell me I had to ask. He would just say she's crazy. She called me a ***** with peanut butter legs when I was 8. I'm 24 now an still don't get it. I did take a pair if scissors when I was 6 maybe 7 tops and cut my curtains up for attention. I sliced up some other things in my closet. I know my fd told me all the time and forever this is why I'm not allowed there and why she hates me. Ottis writing her letters of apology and I told her I was sorry and I was being a brat and I would never do it again. Which like I said I was only 6 and I was looking for attention bc they fought 24-7. Well I don't even have a dad anymore. He only calls me a handful of times a year from in his truck. If he gets caught talkin to me he says he'll never hear the end of it. I always tel my dad he needs to get a backboneand it's not fair. I need my dad. I'll never forgive her for takin him from me. It breaks my heart the **** that's been said to me. I don't get it. But I did make many efforts I apologize. I watched their dogs when they went on vacation last year it wa the first time in 10 yers I had been @ my dads home. Only bc I was a last resort. I thought if I dud thus for them we could possibly atleast get along . She flipped out on my dad bc I wore her shirt. I told my dad I had no clean clothes only my dirty scrubs and I just wanted a shirt to go eat @ my grams. She never even thanked me or said hi nothing just flippe out about a shirt. I didn't need a thank youbut I thought maybe things were gonna change. I guess it will be another ten years.

I have a bad stepmother for years she has controlled the situation and finally my brother and i stood up to her and my father about the situation, it was there way or no way lots of lying and rejection, my father is just as much to blame for the actions and the rejections we have recieved so i told her that she is so controlling and im sick of her and her jelousy has put a rift between my dad and myself so my dad called to say that he no longer has children, i feel so much better it feels like a big weight has lifted of my shoulders and i dont care cause i have a mum whom is an angle my engry has been wasted far to long on people whom have no care factor my own friends would never treat me the way i have been treated over the years and they mean the world to me

I have two stepdaughters 1 is 27 other is 30 and i have had nothing but hell with them both .I have done everything posable for the youngest .... I and her father have paid her bills , we have watched her children for weeks at a time . then it got to the point where she was not taking care of them someone else was ... we stoped . Someone called defax on her and who did they blame ... ME! and everyday I get some kind of bad remark on facebook about me . She lost her house ... lost her car. and is living in a ba<x>sement in my sister inlaws house with her kids and her new hubby ,which he is sorry as well.The oldest gave her kids away 9 years ago to her mother inlaw and this year decides she wants them back and is taking the credit for them being such well behaved kids . There father has cut comunication with them both . they email me and really bad mouth me . He has his reasons .... I really don't think step parents get a fair deal.

I disagree with you. Most step-children who are treated badly by a step-parent, either try to tell their parent and are not believed, or the step-parent lies about their own infraction, or the step-child doesn\'t say anything at all and tries to just live with it, eventually believing it must be themselves that are bad...........all to try to keep the peace for all they want is to be loved and accepted. Shame on your husband for abandoning his daughters by not even communicating with them. I don\'t care what these girls have done. And from what you wrote, shame on you for your obvious judgmental opinion of these young ladies! People lose their homes, lose their cars, lose their jobs, lose their marriages, etc., etc., etc. It\'s during those times that they need their families and friends the most. My advice to your two step-daughters: When you need a helping hand, look to your own hands first..........because your family criticizes you when you don\'t and for your sanity and your children\'s sake, walk away from your father and step-mother and don\'t look back. Look forward and all that can be. After all, you have youth on your side.

I have a lot of issues with my stepmother. BUT this isnt something that I tried to instigate or point fingers. My stepmother abused me physically and emotionally from 9yrs-18yrs old. My dad knew the majority of it. Her OWN children, that were not my fathers children, as I am my fathers only child, knew the situation and tried to stop it as long as it didn't inconvenience their relationship. My stepmother cheats on my father, and this isn't something I just assume because of all the things I never would have thought she would do that to my father, but the man she cheated on my father with contacted me and gave me the pics. She hasnt worked in about 15 yrs and my father is the source of her jade collection, her daughters house, her other daughter living off of my father. But HER family constantly pits me against my father. I don't think my father is innocent, I think he could try harder to speak to me and in his ways he tries, but hes never met his grandkids. Now when I say her family pits my father against me, I have proof. When I was contacted by the man who slept with my SM, I tried to contact he police, I contacted Facebook, and contacted family members to not open email from the person, so nobody else would find out and this guy would stop harrassing. Her and family and my SM didn't want me to tell my dad. "He knows, but don't tell him this" that sounded shady to me. I had no intentions to be like "mom cheated" i planned to tell him i had some disturbing info that he needs to read and i was going to email it to him. Well my SM and her family found out I was trying to contact my father, and they started harassing me telling me my father "doesn't want to deal with me" and "we dont associate with you because all you do i start drama" which i know i didnt start this, i got dragged into a problem thats not mine. well when they woke my father up they never told them anything i had done to try and stop this, which nobody else tried to do. They just told him that I was telling everyone, which I only talked to one person in the family that already knew. So he started yelling at me about this while I'm crying on the phone and pregnant mind you...When he finally gave me the chance to explain myself, he was like "oh" and I guess started yelling at my step sister and SM... He had to apologize to me through EMAIL because she wont let him contact me... and when her "lover" contacted me again through another name I just texted my dad. When she found out she left me a nasty voicemail, and she called me a WHOR!

I'm a bit tired of hearing about Stepmothers who are so nasty they keep the father from seeing his children. <br />
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Father's have their own minds and they alone should be held accountable for their choices. If they choose not to visit their children it is because they are thinking about themselves and they simply don't love their children enough to put the children's needs in front of their own. <br />
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These uncaring fathers are generally quite happy to sit back "blameless" and let everyone point the finger at the Stepmother so he gets off looking like the poor misunderstood henpecked husband and father. I bet he says "It's not my fault, 'SHE' won't let me see you." ..... I'd also like to wager a bet that if his wife said "No, I don't want you to go out with the guys tonight." He'd go anyway!! <br />
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Don't blame the Stepmother for her husbands selfishness.

My stepmother does keep my dad from me. Her and my father both acknowledge it. It's no secret she hates me. My dad and I haven't had a visit since I was 10 or 11 y/o. you have to admit you can't assume everyone is innocent. I have had wonderful step parents. My dads wife is a monster.

Angel, what you're not acknowledging is that your Dad is a fully grown adult who has the ability to say no to your step-mum. Your step-mum might not be nice and, yes, that might be an understatement, and, yes, it might be hard to accept that your Dad is making bad choices and not doing the right thing by you. But, ultimately, it is your DAD, not your step-mum, who should be acting better. Your Dad should be telling your step-mum to leave if she's not doing the right thing by you. That all said, I've just realised your post was from three years ago, so you probably have different ideas about all of this now!

This is true if your step-mother really isn\'t evil. Mine was. So they are both held responsible.

To AngelBd.

So is your father. I\'m sorry.

1 More Response

Although i dont know the specifics of this story I am going through hell with my step mother also, so i can definately relate to you. It sounds like your dad is letting her control him. Why would he let her keep him away from you? Doesnt he want to have communication with his daughter? What I would do is figure a time where you know your dad is not going to be around her lets say at work or something. Go to him in person and calmly talk with him about the situation. Let him know that you are not trying to cause problems you just want to have him involved in you and your families life. I cant give much advise other than that not knowing the whole story.

There are no specifics to the details of your story, yet a lot of "She" statements. I have a stepdaughter that sounds a lot like you. Are you respectful? Do you abuse your relationship with your dad? Do you expect your dad to take care of you? If you are between 22 and 25, your stepmother is trying to help you mature and take care of yourself. The police don't place people in jail for no good reason. Perhaps you should have a heart to heart with yourself and stop blaming others for your problems.

You are a cold woman. You shouldn't get involved with a man if you don't have any respect for his children. Witch!