My Wife Is Beautiful and I Am Not.

I have a wife of almost 14 years now. She is very pretty. She took some modeling classes and has some photo shots when she was younger.  She is very easy to get along with and likes to please.  Can't say no.  Very sweet and everybody likes her.  I am your average joe.  Average build, height and weight.  Recently I don't like the way I have been looking and feeling which I will get to in a second.  First thing though.  My wife works for the police department (not a cop) and goes on a lot of trainings out of town.  About 6 a year.  When she is away I trust her, but she likes to go out and drink with her friends and have a good time each night after the training.  And she is a different person when she drinks (aren't we all) and I can only imagine all kinds of guys hitting on her.  Like I said she is very pretty.  I have people asking me all the time "How did you get her?"  I used to laugh this off and say I am just lucky, but recently the more I think about it, the more that question really ****** me off.  Maybe I am not Brad Pitt, but I am a wonderful, kind hearted, funny person.  I put my wife first and treat her like a queen.  She gets everything she wants.  I just bought her a 2 karat diamond ring last Christmas.  I even still get the car door for her after 14 years.  I love her very much.  

Now comes the bad part of the story.  About 4 years ago now I hit a bad slump in my life.  Out of work, we were living in this crappy apartment and other things and there was this cop that started saying all the right things.  I caught them 2 hanging out and all hell broke loose.  They weren't doing anything and I don't think they ever did, but it was gonna happen.  She admitted that there was an attraction there.  But we talked it out, saw a marriage counsoler and basically saved our marriage (thanks to me fighting for her).  I got a job we bought a new home and have been pretty great since.  This guy still worked with her and that bugs me a bit, but she laughs now at the thought of them being together and says there is no way anything would happen now with him.  Which I believe, but since that happened I have been a bit more cautious.  I started reading her emails once in a while and just keeping an eye on things.  I know, I know, bad husband, but rest assured, doing that is what allowed me to catch her the first time she was slipping and it saved our marriage. 

So recently she had some more training and I had noticed an email from some guy (at another PD) that was asking if she was gonna be there and he can't wait to see her becasue it's been a long time.  While down where she was training, there was 1 night that she never called me and was not answering her cell phone even at 3AM.  I finally tracked her down in her room "asleep" and she said that she was just tired and left her cell in class and she fell asleep.  And I believe it but felt weird.  This is why I hate her in training.  Anyways I noticed a few more emails from this guy coming in the next week and she is kinda flirting with him and he is saying she is beautiful and feeding her all the lines.  Since I cannot disclose my source,  I told her I sensed her being a bit distant since her training and I ask her point blank if there is something going on and if everything is ok.  She replies that everything is perfect and there is noone else.  So she says nothing of this person that she is flirting with.  And he won't let up. He keeps telling her he wants to meet her for lunch and see her and she is on the fence I can tell. This guy is hitting on my wife and wants to take things further.  She could be pushed that way and I can't do anything about it.   It's a bad situation that I can't control and it is making me sick to my stomach.  What do I do?  I know his name and both his work and cell numbers.

This is why I feel so helpless.  She is beautiful and I am not. Guys are DOGS and they don't respect boundaries at all.  There are billions and billions of women out there.  Why does he need my wife?  When I married her it was not only her beauty, but her personality.  She has both.  But I think if she does leave me, the next lady I find is gonna be UGLY.  No guys will hit on an ugly woman. And I am talking U-G-L-Y.  :)

 

Greenie17 Greenie17
36-40, M
16 Responses May 24, 2007

Greenie17, I understand your concern because there is a lot of truth in the saying " Once they go black, they never return" I trust my wife 300% around white guys but around black guys 0%, it like a drug to her.

Grow a sack and leave the *****. You shouldn't have looked through her stuff, but at least you found out the truth. I would keep doing that though.<br />
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Try for a good looking girl because when all else fails the ugly ones will come to you anyways. So don't waste your time.

i have only 1 thing to say ....... if you love something or some 1 set it free and if it comes back its youres .. if not it never was,,, i give my wife all the freedome she wants .and the fun starts lol

BTW...I don't think your wife is totally innocent...if a guy is getting close enough to kiss her I would be worried...I would also confront her with the truth that she is a flirt...she will likely deny it but if she were me and I love my husband I would just say this to the guy, which I have done: listen, I'm married...I don't do things like that...I act towards men the way I would want my husband to act towards women...BTW..is she ever jealous of you? Maybe you could try to see if she ever gets that way...boy am I bad, but what's good for the goose is good for the gander...

BTW...I don't think your wife is totally innocent...if a guy is getting close enough to kiss her I would be worried...I would also confront her with the truth that she is a flirt...she will likely deny it but if she were me and I love my husband I would just say this to the guy, which I have done: listen, I'm married...I don't do things like that...I act towards men the way I would want my husband to act towards women...BTW..is she ever jealous of you? Maybe you could try to see if she ever gets that way...boy am I bad, but what's good for the goose is good for the gander...

Hi,<br />
How are things going...I feel for you...you seem like an ultimately nice guy...trust is a major issue...she seems to be giving you reason to NOT trust her...would you go to some realtionship counseling...I could reccommend some in your area...also getting away together would help reconnect your passion for each other and keep you refocused...you need to try to work at your marriage...make her want YOU...do some things she likes...hopefully she will reciprocate...if not, well...this is no way to live...it seems like you're just waiting for the axe to fall...looks aren't everything you know...sometimes as you can see they can do more harm than good...hopefully she really does love you for you and not for your looks since yours are waning...you could try to feel better about your looks by working out...then if she leaves you you will at least be looking good to other women ;) good luck

So here I am, a little over a year later. We have gone through some counseling and I have been in the process of healing. The therapist says to learn alphabet backwards when I start to think BAD thoughts. Well in 2 months I have that sucker nailed down. :) zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba. I can recite it backwards in about 10 seconds now. LOL<br />
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Still not sure what (if anything) happened between them. I email the guy a few times and threatened to go to his boss (since this was done from his police email and also done on company training time. I DEMANDED an apology for causing this pain in my life. Never got one. He was not man enough. Only thing I got from him was "I am not gonna apologize for talking to your wife". Claims nothing ever happened. Deep down in my heart I am about 80% sure that she slept with him. I have come to that conclusion and have nearly accepted it. That will make it easier to forgive her if I ever do find out the truth. <br />
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Things I think about that make me think that she cheated with this A*hole? <br />
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1) She left her cell phone in the training room. C'MON<br />
2) She never called me that night even from her hotel room. We ALWAYS talk before the night ends.<br />
3) She covered him up for a long time (nearly 5 years)<br />
4) His email said that he wanted to relive what happened in LA<br />
5) She tells me he tried to kiss her 3 years ago but still kept going to training with him yearly.<br />
6) She got hammed that last night and closed the bar with him (and a few other people). She told me she actually sang karaoke which she NEVER EVER EVER does, so I know she was wasted. Being their last night together, it was going to be their last chance for awhile.<br />
7) With the first guy she STILL works with him and is friends still and yet this other guy, she even stopped going to training with him.<br />
8) After she got his response of him wanting to relive what happened in LA, she panicked and told him that I knew everything and that this must end now. Seemed like she was afraid that he was going to say something else.<br />
9) She told me that it seemed like I was trying to trap him. Why would she think that if nothing happened?<br />
10) After this all went down, she cried the first time after we made love. Guilt?<br />
11) She told me she thought that he was a pla<x>yer<br />
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Wife and I are about to celebrate our 15 year going on a cruise next month. Our relationship is stronger than ever but I still have "bad moments" when I start to think about that night and what really happened. I also told her that this was her 2nd strike and if this happens one more time she is O-U-T. I told her that I am the best thing that has happened to her and the best thing that ever will and that if she is not happy with me, then she will NEVER be happy. I was brutally harsh with her. She concurred on all accounts and things have been pretty good since. I can tell you that there HAS NOT been any contact between them since she told him that she does not want to hear from him again. She did NOT attend the annual training this year (she told me that he did go) and I don't think she will be going back. So she has made the effort to fix this for sure.<br />
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So my tale has pretty much come to an end. They say time heals all pain. While that is 100% true, it NEVER heals ALL the pain. I'll have a tiny part of me missing for the rest of my life. It has made me stronger though. But I would not wish that hurt on my wirst enemy... Well OK maybe I would wish it on my WORST enemy. ;) Hit me up if you are having the same type issues or problems and I can try to help as best I can. Talking about it really really really helps.

Elena, you always seem to see such good in people....<br />
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I should take your advice myself.<br />
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Greenie, I have a similar situation, you can read some of my stories, it may not be obvious in them, but I am getting around to sharing more.<br />
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I am concerned, as Elena points out, about an overactive mind, imagination and my on=wn insecurities.<br />
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There is some truth to what you visualize actually happening...so visualize a more positive outcome.<br />
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And when one is in the throes of emotions, someitmes it is hard to see clearly.

ok a lot has happened in the last 2 weeks. Roller coaster ride. He continued to email her and want her to miss work and come see him. I finally confessed that I saw the email and I know who he is and I want it to stop. I threatened to leave and she says no. She'll do whatever I want. I wait to see if he pushes the issue after I make her email him and lead him on a bit. She asks him in email why her, because she is married? and he says this: because she is 100% georgous, they have a great time together and because he wants to relive what happened in LA. To which I say WTF happened in LA? She says nothing. Then she blows the doors off with oh and by the way... He's black. I am beyond confused. My emotions are everywhere. I am a big mess. I am scared, and sad and concerned and my gut and heart hurt. How can she do this to me I ask. What did I do that was so wrong? No I am not racist. But she has never lead me to believe EVER that she is into black men. She also said that he tried to kiss her 3 years back and she turned her head and said no. I wish there was a drug I could take that can just rip out this part of my life and allow me to forget. I would take it right now.

Good post Unicorn. You are also correct. I just can't approach her w/o some reason to think the way I do. I have no way of knowing that this guy is doing this. And I cannot and will not give up my source. That makes me look like a 16 year old over jealous husband. But you did hit the nail right on the head! She is sweet and does treat me good, but does not always seem to put me first. And I should always be first to her. Anyway, thanks for the wonderful comments and support. Most of the stuff posted if very helpful. He is still flirting with her via emails and wants to see her. I am awaiting a response to see what she will do next. It's her move now. The ball is in her court and she is either gonna say no think I am happily married, or she is gonna move forward. But I WILL be there if that happens. I will keep you all updated. Thanks again.

How did she get ME? And does she deserve to keep me? <br />
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Those are good questions. And I don't have the answers. We hooked up through friends and we just hit it off. Not sure what more I can tell you. But you are VERY CORRECT in that I need to start seeing myself on her level. I am starting to try to do that. And I already feel a little better. When somone asks me (again) how did I get her, I am gonna stand there proudly and say, no. The question is how did she get me. I am helpful, thoughful, funny, charismatic, personable, sweet and good looking. I am the perfect guy, husband and father. And SHE IS LUCKY TO HAVE ME!!!

you lost the trust to her when you caught her with that guy. That made you cautious and you started to spy on her to make sure it won't happen again. Have you ever heard the saying "if she cheats once, then she will sooner or later do it again" she is beautiful and she enjoyes the attention but she has NO right to flirt with others and of course should not go and party and get drunk without you. Who knows what happened, like you said: "we are all different when we are drunk". Of course reading the emails was wrong but it turned out to be the right thing, you read the emails for a reason, because you lost the trust to your wife. If I was you I'd do the same thing. You are married for 14 years, that is a long time, she probably takes you for granded. Your wife is ******* me off. She didn't tell you anyting about that guy that emails her, she didn't tell you for a good reason and you know which one. Talk to your wife ask her what is wrong with her, you saved the marriage once so now she expects you to save it again. Tell her that she should really think about what is more importatnt to her. Obviously you deserve someone better who respects you.

I wasn't going to write that, but yea, that's what my wife would expect me to do LOL

and find the s.o.b. & kick his ***

Don't let your jealousies get the best of you. sometimes all the snooping, asking questions, etc. will push her away even more. Best solution is to do the things that made her fall in love with you to begin with. Remind her of how much you love her etc. Take her out, show her a great time - just love her!

You have something there that your wife deeply loves about... YOU! Don't let everyone's stupid comments put you off. Tell them it's what they CAN'T see that keeps her at your side! They can take it to mean alot of things! heheee. One thing I do have to disagree with though, at least for where I'm from: Some men DON'T Mind UGLY CHICS! I've seen some REALLY U-UGLY women out there have more of a sex life than I do, and I assure you my hubby doesn't give me more than a day or 2 away from that activity!! Ya ever heard of : Go to bed with a 10; wake up with a 2! lol. Yep, that goes on around here! So, if you and the wife don't make it... you might be better off with a dog or pet! lol.