I Am Going to Let Her Go

All my life, ever since we were little, I had to look out for her. If she started a fist fight, I was to step in and protect her or I would get into a lot of trouble. If she had problems with homework, I would have to stop doing my own homework and help her, it didn't matter that I had honor classes, a term paper, or a project that needed to be done. If she done something bad, I got the blame for it, and my a** beaten black and blue, because after all, I was the oldest, I should have known better.

If she decided to leave her ( and I will try to put this delicately as possible) "unclean feminine products" all over her bedroom ( just to p*ss off our uncle---long freaking story), I was subjected to sleeping with garbage ( literally). If she did not wash the dishes the correct way, I was subjected to eat off the same plate for over a week ( without it being washed) or eating out of a dog's bowl.

When she decided to runaway, I helped her ( our mother kept catching her trying to do this) get away. Then she became a ward of the state and was handed an education, her apartments, food, she even got her teeth fixed and when I tried the same thing, I was denied ( I was 17 at that time and the cut off age was 15 to become a ward of the state---I didn't know, but she did and didn't tell me).

When she took our mom to court for child neglect, I paid for my mom's lawyer ( I went into the military). This made my mom depressed, but I was by my mom's side and p*ssed off that my sister could do such a thing.

Yes, she had helped me, but I paid dearly for it. I became her live-in slave to her and her ex. I lost a baby due to the stress of living with her and her temper. We got into a fight ( which she split my eyebrow open) and her neighbor's called the cops ( she begged me not to have her arrested and she would pay for the hospital and doctor---I fell for it---my mom had a hand in this as well) and I lied to the cops. She never paid the bills.

She would call me at all hours to help her clean her apartment, then kick me out when her "detective boyfriend" wanted to come and take her for a ride on his motorcycle, I would go and help her.

When she attempted suicide ( he's her husband now), because her boyfriend left her. I made a choice to stay with her and make sure she would be alright, I lost my job ( which it wasn't the first job I lost because of her) because I told them that I only had 1 sister and there's other jobs who would understand "family emergencies," she turned around and said that it wasn't really a job, so who the **** cares and when I told him do not call or bother my sister again, because she was on the brink of death when I arrived, she threw me out of her apartment, screaming at me that I had no f**king right to tell him this.

She killed our mom, I know this, it took me a long time to figure it out, but she knew what she was doing when she asked our very sick mother, to help her roll the garden hose up. She being a healthy adult and our mom very ill from her cancer ( her blood platelets would drop at any given time---she was receiving the blood platelet transfusions 3 times a week) fell and hit her head on the curb, which was very traumatic for her body, and the cancer went hay-wired throughout her body, and less than a month later she was gone.

She knows our situation and bragged about having a $400,000 built and wanted information from us so she could tell my ex everything and he sues us ( another long story). She thinks I am stupid and that I can not put 2 and 2 together, but she's very wrong. I know what she done to have our mom leave her everything and me nothing. I know a lot and have kept it to myself for a long time, but I need to purge this from my mind and chest.

I have dealt with the past and moved on, and now it's time I let her go and stop thinking of her, her husband and her 2 kids. It's time I consider dead as she does me.

My mom predicted this day would happen the day before she died ( my mom was a Seer, in her own right--which I am just like her). I will triumph, and I will overcome my demons. This is 1 demon, who's dead to me.

I am letting her go...I will not help her anymore....I will not care for or about her anymore...I will not love her anymore.

WeRWiccans2 WeRWiccans2
36-40, F
Feb 10, 2009