Trust? What's That?

Hello,

I'm new here and am looking for help with my abandonment and trust issues. My mother died when I was 3 years old and my father was emotionally unavailable to me because he was grieving. He wasn't emotionally or really physically present for years. He remarried when I was 6 and the woman he married was emotionally, physically and mentally abusive. They divorced when I was 12, so the only mother I really knew left too. I have had relationships over the years and the longest has been 8 years. When I get hurt, I shut down and start pushing my partners away. I recently got out of a relationship with someone I believe is totally emotionally unavailable. I seem to have a pattern of picking people who say all the right things in the beginning, but when the relationship is established and has rough spots, they head for the door.

My father died a little over a year ago and that seems to have just increased my issues. I am numb, I don't feel anything. I got angry with my partner and over reacted during the last year. She wasn't terribly supportive either, she told me to "get over it, you cry all the time" about two months after my father died.

She just up and left about 2 1/2 weeks ago and I am not dealing well with it at all. She has blamed the breakup completely on me, even though it was her who chose to leave. She wants to continually tell me how horrible I was and how nothing has changed since she left. This just feeds all my issues more and more and more. She used to get mad and tell me she was going to leave to the point where when we fought, I would just tell her to go ahead and go. Is there help for me? Is there help for my issues of thinking everyone is going to leave and nobody can be counted on to stick around?

Thanks,
Nancy
Treacherous1 Treacherous1
41-45, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

Maybe some time to yourself without being in a relationship can help?