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It Does Things To You...

 I no longer can take any more. It has done things to me, that I hate to admit. Like it has made me more clingy. I tend to get attached too easily. I feel the need to prove myself to friends and family. I get scared easily, and when someone in my life leaves, I start to feel responsible. I blame myself for others mistakes, I ignore other's mistakes, just so they will like me. I had to lie in the past to get friends. I felt bad, but I felt like I had to, just so I would be liked. It goes along with rejection. I don't do it anymore, but I still fight the urge to lie occasionally. I'm trying really hard to not get clingy, but its just so hard! 

When parents abandon you, so many things go through your head. Why didn't they want me? What did I do wrong? Is it because of my looks? But I was just a baby! I've been told that its just them and they didn't want a kid. But my mom obviously did, she had another one. Then she married again, and likes her new kids more. But what about my dad? What did I ever do? He didn't even know me! How could he even decide if he wanted me? But still...something doesn't seem right.
ForeverAndAlways001 ForeverAndAlways001 18-21, F 5 Responses May 3, 2011

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You are such a sweet girl,i love you.

You know, I never thought of it that way. Thanks for the new insight! :D<br />
<br />
HUGS!

Little bean you are so welcome, it's my pleasure to try to help and cheer you,<br />
You deserve all the support that comes your way.<br />
Ari x.

Aris, you make me almost cry sometimes. Thank you so much! I'm trying, trying so hard to forget about what goes on. I try to focus on friends, but sometimes its just so hard! I can't thank you enough Aris!

This is a horrible situation for you to be in. It obviously affects you quite profoundly. <br />
All I can say to you little bean is, Whatever the reasons and contradictions of your birth parents not wanting you, as you have pointed out yourself, you were only a baby, it could not have been your fault, you don't have two heads, and even if you did that wouldn't be your fault either.<br />
Perhaps it's time to put these things behind you. Yes I know it's easier said than done, but you need to for yourself.<br />
Try to assess your life as it is today, your current friends, the people who care about you now. Look at your lovely face in the mirror, accept that you are a beautiful young woman, not just your looks but, your kind, giving heart, your warmth, your empathy, your talent, all the people who you know care about you, your talent for singing and, modelling. This is the wonderful person you are now, this is the person who I am so proud to chat with with every day on here. <br />
Those people who rejected you in the past and continue to miss out on who you really are now through their own stupidity are the the losers. The rest of us who's lives you bless with your presence are the winners.<br />
Time to readjust your self esteem little bean, crank it up several notches, you are a wonderful, beautiful, much loved person. Time for you to start enjoying that fact.<br />
All my love Ari xxx.