Always Alone

I have gone through emotionally damaged life anfd feel for what you are going through. I live in Burnaby, BC and if you are in BC we can meet someday for tea and good conversation.

Bye and hope to see you.

I feel so sad, all alone, lost and rejected. A friend I believed I had is so mean and aloof to me. I wish to go away. It is so hard to live if you are alone, without a family.

to alta:



I know what your talking about. I try to make friends all the time. They make plans and blow you off because something better comes along. A friend kept doing that to me. My son wanted to see her sons because he doesn't have many friends either. She says I come off needy. BULL SH--. I just want my son to have friends and so do I. I ripped her apart last time she blew me off again and my son was looking forward to seeing her sons. He was so sad. She's says I'm needy, it's funny she has lived her 10 years and doesn't have 1 friend. GEE, I wonder why? I know it's not me. As you get older everything is luck no matter how hard you try, don't try, how you act, etc. EVERYTHING IS LUCK AS YOU GET OLDER!!

Hi Alta,

Sad to read abut your situation 2009 when no one to love or be loved. I wonder how the position with your life is now. Wishing all went on the positive side.

I am a new member.

Once I had a really good friend and we were super close, but one day she met a guy and considered dating him and suddenly I got scared and insecure. A fear crept in that she would leave me or didn't really like me after all, and the more insecure I got the less she enjoyed me and the more she pulled away. Now she's completely gone. See, the thing about relationships is that in order to have one you have to be something useful to that other person. You have to find out what they need, and be that for them. If a person seems weak and needy people won't be attracted to them because they won't feel like there's anything good in it for them.



I can't tell you exactly how to give off the impression that says "I'm strong, I'm enjoyable, I'm easy going and you will enjoy being with me, I'll give you what you need," but I can give a few hints that I've picked up. I find that it helps to find ways to help others. Look at the people who need friends, even the losers and people you don't like, and try to do something for them. Helping others makes you stronger. You can get involved with a church and volunteer. Do things for people! It will make you feel good!



Also never stop improving yourself. Never stop taking interest in things and learning. Always concentrate on making yourself a better person. People are attracted to people who seem more concerned with doing a good job at life than getting people's attention.



Lastly, put yourself in situations with people. Take dance classes or join a book readers club or something.



I hope some of that helps a little. Remember, be the kind of person you'd like to hang out with!

I will be your friend.

I don't have advice to give i'm afraid, except to say that i know just how you feel. I am in a similar situation, if you read my post you will know.



Hugs to you :) Hope you find a way out of this dark place.

I was awfully lonely and sad after divorce..I got a puppy..he and I spend a lot of time together and in a lot of ways is one of the best friends I have ever made..like he never laughs when I bang my head on the cabinet..I dunno..everybody's different, but he sure helps me feel less alone..

ya lo veo, lol

I don't understand what you mean, Cartuja.

EGOBERD: I posted to Alta, if I reply to an specific user I do it like now..so pardon me n.n you're anti-social...I'm a-social

I'm not a psychologist. I'm just sharing my life view. How I live, how I deal with lonliness. But I will take it as a compliment, though it seemed you meant it as otherwise.



Please don't assume that you are the only person wearing the shoes you wear. I used to have these realizations that the only people I talked to were work related. I never heard the sound of my voice outside of work because I didn't talk to ANYone. It dawned on me how closed off I was and that it was my own doing. I decided to stop wallowing and take control.



Are you in jail? Alone on a mountain? There are no people where you are? In a foreign country where you don't speak the language?



Where there are people, there are people to talk to.



I'm not close to my family and I certainly cannot talk to them, so I have made friends as stand ins. There is always someone that can love you, that can understand you. I've found people in the most random of places that have turned into my sisters, my brothers. And I consider myself anti-social!

A lonely should be accustomed, I'm glad you still have family, here you'll meet some friends. Human contact it's what you need (though virtual n.n)

I see!

It seems like Egobird is a psychologist, a psychologist in training, someone who has spent a lot of time talking to one or somebody from the system.



It seems u didn't truly understand what I wrote. I don't have any family or friends. I'm sure that when you get ignored, rejected, made feel unwelcome or when you have a terrible day, you likely go, call your family or friends who make you feel loved and who understand and support you. So, I'll ask you, next time you feel terrible, don't call anybody, if you get a call, don't answer it, don't go to your family and tell me how you feel. Furthermore, do this several times, a week, and tell me how is your perspective of life; imagine living like this years and years . Still, think it's a perception thing, don't think so.

I agree with ego that living in the past isnt doing you any good. I know what its like to be lonely. You CAN make new friends though. I guess it just takes time. Do you go out very much? I dont just mean to clubs or bars, i mean things like swimming or hobbies....

I think you have a perception problem. But I understand that not everyone can wrap their heads around this concept.



Stop living in the past and it will cease to repeat itself. Your life is a direct reflection of the state of your mind. Understand that you don't need to dwell in the past, there is ABSOLUTELY no use for it. It's clogging up your present state.



But you must actively participate in your life. I think you should meditate on what active participation in your life means.



Bad things happen to everyone. There are some that, if they'd had a life like me, would wallow in misery. But somehow I'm always able to get up and dust myself off and continue. It's my LIFE VIEW.



Life does not live you, you live life.



It sounds like you may need therapy.

Hi Egobird,



u have absolutely no idea, but u made my day :)! I was sure my story would get ignored just like I do all the time for no good reason.



U look very reasonable, I would say mature, and your advice is almost like a professional advice, I don't mean to be the smart ***, but I don't believe you fully understand my situation, as u couldn't possibly, but

"It's the way you look at it", it is just partially so, the situation and the past are hard facts. It's very very hard to forget the past that repeats itself mercilessly and believe it will all be faboulous if I believe in it.

Your story makes me wonder if you walk around looking needy. I know it'd be hard not to, being as lonely as you are.



It's important for us to be involved with other people. The sensation of lonliness is an actual evolutionary protection (the pack/herd mentality) to keep us safe within the fold of others like us.



I've been lonely before with not a soul around that loves me. There are more people walking around with the same feelings you have than you could even guess.



If I were you, I would seek out places with people. At my lonliest, I went out every night. I talked to everyone and anyone that came my way. I actively sought out companionship.



But you can't look as desperate as you feel. It's a turn off when people are too eager.



I feel as if you stopped stewing in your current situation and put yourself out there, really make an effort, things may change.



But the first thing that needs to change is your perception of yourself and your life. Take responsibility. Once you can actually see that you are creating your own life and it's not being governed by outside influences you will realize that you have all the tools you need for change.