My Bodies Punishment.

I made my body suffer for events in my life I blamed myself for. For such a long time I blamed myself and as a consequence punished myself. I abused alcohol and drugs, I self harmed and I had an eating disorder. Even though I have come out the winner from these battles I did enough damage to my body that I will never forget that war. My liver and digestive system hates me, I have scars that will be there forever unless I have plastic surgery, I also have permanent nerve damage and other multitudes of health concerns. I was lucky that I won my battle with blame. I have relapsed and I know it is quite possible I will relapse again, the important thing is that I don't give up.
randomdriftwood randomdriftwood
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 4, 2007

You are not alone, I did a lot of the same things. From self injury to drugs, it was my way of punishing myself. I won't ask what happened to make you do those things, I can imagine. I had a rough childhood and other bad things happened too and I always blamed myself. Isn't it insane how we can blame ourselves for things are way out of our control?? For me it was like I had so much hatred and pain inside me I had to get it out someway or another. I know this story is from 2007 but I hope you are doing well these days darling.

I suggest that you do two things: start meditating and look into detoxing your system. A lot of times when the body has ailments it is because there are too many toxins in the body due to poor eating habits, not enough natural sunlight, and a toxic environment. You need a life change. Make sure that you surround yourself with people that uplift you...make you feel good. Anyone else has to go. Research foods that are good for you...that give your body energy. Drink lots of water with lemon, eat fresh veggies. Cut out all junk and dairy. Check out Cut out all sodas<br />
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Lastly, be still. Close your eyes and sit with your back up against a wall (with a pillow) and be still. All of the answers you need lie within but you cannot hear them until you tune everything else out.<br />
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When you want to see God(aka infinite being)....just look in the mirror...all answers lie are the creator and the created you just don't know it yet<br />
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Hope this helps,<br />
Infinite Love

I wish you the best of luck! I know you will prevail! Stay strong and fortitudinous! :) Hugs ^_^'