My Adhd Hell

Hi i have always been different and now,thanks to the love of my life.I now know why,i was always called lazy or stupid when i was child and i just created a fantasy world to retreat from the pressures of the real world.I have always been a impulse spender of money and now i am trying to get some help to get my adhd treated because i'm tried of hurting the woman i love,who taught me what true love is.It hurts me to see my wife crying all the time because i don't listen or do what she tells me has to be done.I want to bea man that she can be proud to call her husband my heart breaks everytime i see her crying and knwing its all my fault can anybody out there help me?
wotaloser wotaloser
36-40, M
8 Responses Mar 23, 2011

I agree with lips, and I speak from experience. Your brain is different. Would your wife cry if you were deaf, and you didn't hear her? Most likely, the two of you would resort to sign language. I experience something like this. My husband is frustrated with my adhd, and he can be short and nasty. However, if you are doing the best you can, that's all that you can do. Perhaps she can write things down in a notebook or journal for you. I know it is impossible to remember tasks that someone merely asked you to do.

welcome to my everyday

Here's are two greats book to get you started, recommended to me by a counselor who thought I might have ADD: <br />
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Well, I'd say something, but I don't have enough information about you, how your parents brought you up, how you had treated your friends in high school and so on.<br />
You're telling the result and I'm always eager to find out the source.<br />
I am studying ADHD in children right now. My assumption is that in some cases it can be <br />
a reflection of your paren't relationship and it's a worked out reaction to their relationship.<br />
In another case treating your wife bad is your aggressive reaction to the difficulties of the<br />
real life and it's an aggression to your parent's system in which you were raised.<br />
I think the understanding of this will help you to deal with your life's responsibilities better.<br />
I'd go to a group study where I'd find people with same problems. It helps to recover and understand that you can come over your feelings and forgive your parents and earlier life in general. Good luck!

Hi readmeread!

I'm glad you're interested in helping someone with ADHD. I'm an adult with ADHD and I've done tons of research and I've had an entire life's worth of experience living with it and I can assure you that the *cause* of the ADHD is not the issue (we are likely born with it).

We know that the *effect* of having ADHD is what causes difficulty in our lives. ADHD is a *physical* problem with the executive function area in the brain, and if you interview 100 different people with ADHD, you will hear 100 different ways it affects their lives. There are certain commonalities, but it's also something that is expressed in different degrees and dealt with in different ways by different people.

We [ADHD sufferers] tend to blurt out exactly what's going through our heads when we are with those we are closest to, and it usually comes out without going through any filters (like the "is this going to hurt someone's feelings?" filter, for example). This often yields negative consequences in our relationships. Most parents are not equipped to deal with the whirlwind tornado of having an ADHD child, thus we end up with strained relationships with our parents: they do not understand why we are like this, and we do not understand why they don't. We just don't know any other way to be, because there IS no other way for us --- our brains are just "wired" differently than those of 'normal' people. It is not any failure of our parents or us; it is unfortunately just part of living with ADHD.

The key is understanding what we can do about ADHD, and also what we can't. Medication can be very helpful, and so can finding routines, exercising, getting an ADHD coach, and many other tools. What we cannot do (in most cases) is get rid of our ADHD. If it comes with us into adulthood, it is usually here to stay. It is true that life with ADHD can be a living hell, but with the right support, love, and acceptance (from others and ourselves) we can learn to live with ADHD and be happy (and I'm still working on that).

For the original poster, I'm happy to read that you are doing better! You're doing the right thing by seeking help from others and trying to understand your ADHD. It makes all the difference! :)

I have two sons with ADHD, one of them copes very well with it, more the dreamer type, but the other struggles very hard or better, does nothing to achieve something in life, although he took methylphenidat for about 10 years and I took him to many therapies. Now he refuses to take medicine any longer.<br />
My husband has it too, I'm sure. But he won't go for a test.

thank you for your kind words

I'm really sorry you and your wife have to go through this.I can truly feel your pain.My husband is desperate to "fix" me.Obsessed about somehow magically make me okay and normal.Believing Pills and Therapy can turn me into a functioning member of society while I know it's not gonna happen and it's just a matter of time until he'll come to the same realization

You're on the right track! There is help for this, trust me, I know! Once you get an official diagnosis, the process begins. It won't always be easy, but find a path and stick with it! There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Peace-<br />
<br />

Hey i can understand what you are going through...its extremely difficult out there especially it hurts when you see the person you love is crying because of you..<br />
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You know its useless to regret to what you dont should be happy that you have such a loving wife..nowadays its extremely difficult to have sincere are gifted with such a wonderful can make her happy to make efforts not by getting need to take desperate efforts not by just thinking that i should do this or should make absolute deadlines that these things have to be done at this time at any cost...not by just making need to start thinking of improvement seriously no matter now difficult it is..."everything is fair in love and war" things which you have not done my story in which i have given tips to tackle things..<br />
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i know i also get depress sometimes when i waste 3 or 4 hours daily...but then i stand up with n do things with new passion n feel good about know why i am so passionate about tasks?? because i have got such a loving fiance that i dont want to hurt him or loose him at any cost...i feel lucky to have him...and i dont want to regret afterwards that i didnt do desperate efforts for successful should not waste a single second in regreting and love your wife as much as you can..<br />
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you dont know what will happen in can br extremely difficult if you dont have sincere relationship...make efforts for this relationship as much as you can...make her happy as much as you can...good luck!!

this isa true story