What a Life of Suffering for ADHD Sufferer

Having an ADHD makes everything hard. It impacts every area of your life. It is also very hard to diagnose even for the professional, let alone yourself. Some ppl can suffer years without knowing what's going on.

I did graduate with an honor degree in Actuarial science though...(through sheer willpower, intelligence, and God's grace) Even easy jobs are hard to hold on to. I often was on the blinks of getting fired, and was living on bosses' and parents'(my abusers) mercy. It wasn't good feeling.

All your life you attract bullies b/c they don't like anyone who acts differently (My would be bullies always got into troubles themselves though, cuz God was with me. Beside I hv ADHD but I wasn't stupid). ADHD sufferers are very different than normal ppl so they get irritated by you, even though ur not standing in their ways. Parents abuses you emotionally, trying to test you, change you, fix you, correct you... through non-stop verbal attacks, and sometimes violence. A hammer is always a good tool in fixing broken machines... Yay!

Well when you can't focus at all, it's always a stage of frustration. You feel guilty, undisciplined, unorganized, out-of-control, disoriented, lazy... but you try and try and try. You double and redouble your willpower, and many years later it trains you to become a very strong willed person, but willpower will not and never can defeat a mental illness like ADHD. Teachers and peers look you down, thinking ur just a joke.

Now ur an adult, getting out of school only make it all the more obvious that you are getting more and more behind than ur peers. Maybe like me, through sheer willpower or miracles you managed to get a good education, but entering the real world, a whole new different challenges came, and being ADHD of course it takes much longer for you to adjust and adapt. U want to be self-employed just to avoid failures at work. U think working at ur own pace might be a solution, but self-employed require even more focus and discipline, not less. U failed, and few years passed by, making it even harder to find a job. Now friends and family think ur a joke.

It's also spiritual abuses, because you feel like God isn't hearing your prayers. You pray and pray and pray but the problems never go away. You still feel guilty, lazy, unmotivated, unfocus... Then the shock of discovering what ADHD is about and that you have it, and you always wonder if it's real or you just make it up as an excuse, and people judging you thinking you just exaggerated. They all said "ya, I am like that too, I get distracted easily and make a lot of mistakes, but I try very hard and I succeed... blah blah blah" A good friend of mine, who is super successful, said to me " Your lucky your mom didn't kick you out" He made it a point to repeat it several times during a phone conversation, to make sure it's painful enough for me to get the point, even though secretly I have already been thinking and ashamed of that for years.

U are fully aware of what's going on (more like down), but u can't help it. Each and everyday you see life is passing u by (not being able to focus make u aware of time passing even more When ur not focus u check the clock often) You feel guilty, ashamed... You feel like a parasite that survive only b/c of people's charity and mercy and tolerance. You feel unfillfilled...

For some who have kids, which are both blessing and burden (if you have ADHD), but for me, a 30 years old without wife and kids, it gave me another set of problems. The loneliness... The empty spaces in your life. The invisible kids that are running around in your home that you wish you had but have not. Then you go to library like an average unemployed person that you are, and you see all these kids hanging out there, and sometimes you see beautiful women of child bearing age, and you wonder if they will ever marry you...

Life pass you by and you are only getting older, and even ppl from online dating sites think ur old, but those who are old, fornicated for years, have wedlock kids, might consider you, but even they might still think you suck cuz ur not making money. You look at your resume and you don't know how to explain the gaps to any employer. You want to find a blue collar jobs but wonder if it's wasting your time and preventing you from finding something better... Once u pass 30 and still working odd jobs and who is going to hire u for corporations jobs? So on and on...

And its only 30 years of my life... how depressing it is to think that there might be another 30 years ahead of you...

Even if ADHD disappeared overnight, you just lose a reasonable explanation to employers why you end up where you are at (since ur a healthy person now) You will still live with the consequences of previous unemployment gaps, you still live with your age (even though I didn't waste it. I tried and tried and tried to make the most of it I could. I didn't party, smoke, nor fornicate)

Now what?

Suffering does have a point I guess. I pray that its not pointless suffering. I pray that it would make me a good teacher (applying for teacher college), or a minister (sympathize with people who are suffering).

My site: bible-verses-insights.com for more of my articles!
Excellency Excellency
26-30, M
8 Responses Nov 25, 2011

i know how you feel i have adhd when i was a kid i was told i have adhd i would like to be friends with you if you want to

Oh,don't I know this one,,Alcoholism &Adhd is very close in Behaviors,I have several books on adhd and reading them,I always felt connected(like yeah!! that's me!) and then I would read my big book,and go,,,wait a min this is me too..Soo confusing

man, you just wrote my story ditto! And literally how you depicted it, I felt pity for myself, and all those who are in the same boat. Its too hard and now becoming impossible to live the life. Sometimes, i wish its not real and I would wake up one day perceiving that oh my, it was a dream - a bad dream. But alas! when i pinch myself i could sense its real. Everyday, every hour every minute is a pain. I keep running away from people, jobs, relatives, friends and myself. my real self. adhd pushed my "self" away from me.

Wow thanks for sharing. Very enlightening.

Your story shines a light on the topic of ADHD and personality disorders in general. <br />
As usual, society fears what it does not understand. That fear can be displayed in several ways. Unfortunately it's usually not positive. Your story demonstrates how you would make a great advocate for people with ADHD. Dispel the misinformation and you help people shed their ignorance.<br />
I wish you the best.

Do you know any advocate agency that will hire me? :D

Check around your area or do a google search.

I have an adult friend who is on permanent disability as a result of this condition because he cannot manage in a typical work environment. It is quite frustrating for him because he knows he is quite intelligent and has so much to offer, but it is hard to find a fit. As I am quick to remind people when it comes to Autism (the condition I am most familiar with), acceptance is the cure. It is true in the case of ADHD as well. It will take a while for society to catch up though.<br />
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However, there is hope. I just read a fascinating article in TIME about a device that has been invented that is worn on the wrist. It measures brain activity and can tell when a person's concentration is interrupted. They are saying that it could have enormous possibilities in the "treatment" of conditions such as ADHD. We are slowly but surely beginning to understand the way our brains work and it is very exciting. <br />
I love your attitude; you certainly are uniquely qualified to help others due to your hyper-awareness of suffering and your abundant compassion. Great for you.

:D I like how you said I have abundant of compassion. We should really keep these words like trophy and always pat myself on the back for that. The machines. I like it. I know there are biofeedback machine that measure your stress. So with these two machines one can train to become a super worker---being able to relax while staying focus.

Definitely pat yourself on the back. This device apparently beeps or vibrates or something when your mind begins to wander and lose focus, thereby alerting you to try and re-focus. The uses for such a thing are limitless, actually, but he designed it for people with ADHD. Cool stuff. Sorry about the link, you have to be a subscriber, but maybe there is more information under the inventors name. But regardless, I think you have the right idea. You work with your strength, in other words, you compensate for your weakness by focusing on what you are good at. I think you are on the right track with your goals is what I was trying to say.

There are so many adults who suffer with ADHD. I am one of them. I have to take my medication and if I don't i'm a complete zombie zoning out. I can't even drive a car saftly if I'm not on my medication. I can understand some of the things you are going through. The best way to deal with it sometimes is to talk about it, and have a support system. This is a good site to do that. You should also search online if there are groups around your area for adults living with ADHD. That would be great for you, to share your story and to hear what others are going through, make friends and have a group that can support you, and understand what you are dealing with. <br />
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Just continue to believe in yourself, do not ever give up, have faith and hope. You are not alone, there are atleast 1 million americans who suffer with this disorder. Find or form a support group I think you would benefit from it and enjoy it. <br />
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Best of luck to you, please feel free to email me whenever you like.

I think I just saw u somewhere on EP and mentioned ur pretty didn't I? :)