Finally A Light Comes On...now What Do I Do?hi,my name is john and im 51 years old. i hope im in the right place.
10 days ago my dr. finally prescribed adderall xr and 2 days ago a light came on and i started to answer certain questions ive had all my life. you see 18 years ago i was diagnosed bi-polar and since then ive had over 300 med changes and been on federal social security.for the last 18years ive always had the same question for my dr. (why cant i get stabilized).about 2 years ago we started talking about adult adhd,because one of my issues is racing thoughts,focusing,impulse control. but had concerns about meds because i also have congestive heart failure,so stimulant ba
ive always thought there was something in my life that was just not right.through out my childhood everyone in my life would say to me "what is wrong with you"?"why can't you sit still"?"why cant you control yourself" and my pat answer for this was "i dont know".i remember in 1966 i was in the 1st. grade and was so hyper my teacher tied me to a chair with yarn (like gullivers travel).even at 6 years old i knew this was wrong.from then until about 7th grade it was miserable.every report card had comments like why can't john stay in his seat,why cant john stop talking,again why can't john control himself and not disrupt the class.(how do you answer this when you yourself dont know why you cant).also my grades were d's and f's throughout my schooling. so when this would happen they would move my chair outside the classroom,that way i wouldn't disrupt the class.when i got to jr. high the school had a new game to play with me as soon as there was any kind of disruption in class they would call my parents and have them pick me up as early as 1st period.this happened over 86 times in just one semester. you gotta understand that in the 60's and 70's in the l.a. school system they didn't have anyway to deal with me but this way... so even though i wasn't learning anything they would continue to pass me on to the next grade from the time i was 12 years old and 18 years old i had been to 12 different shrinks and nobody ever addressed the issue of hyperactivity.it was never addressed!!! all they wanted to do was talk and talk and talk.nobody gave me any tool to live with this. to this day i have a 8th grade education. i tried to go to a jr college for 4 years and couldnt take basic english or math class because i dont have the tools to learn with this..
its very lonely living with this...i thought it was bad being labeled bi-polar, but if im right, i finally am on the right track to getting some answer.are there any people out there that have and are still going through this? was there ever and can i find the basic life skill tools?
is there any hope for me?
im now taking 20mg adderall xr a day and it seems to clear my focus, but im very amped and sweating all day. is this normal?
im sorry if i ran on too long, but this is the first time ive ever tried to put my thoughts down..
thanks for reading,