Living With Adult Adhd Has Devastated Me...especially Those Around Me

Growing up i have always felt the odd ball out. However unlike most stories..i was a great student, I dont like to be late..i excelled in everything. Never lazy...however in the last 4 years my life has taken a dramatic turn. For the first time I was forced to resign at one job and fired at another for "lack of progress". Also my best friend has told me over and over to pay attention, stop zoning out...and the real kicker is "you dont care". I hate these words from the bottom of my gut. I do care. I am sick of people tellling me how nonchalant i can act when I really am just putting my emotions under control which requires me to sometimes have no emotions at all. I have been so deeply hurt by people's reaction to me that in reality i felt on the verge of depression. I have no kids no husband and limited social interactivity to those around. i am always afraid that I will blurt out the wrong thing, relay the wron message or send the wrong signal to others. I feel chained and sometimes on the brink of despression. I dont have a job and have lived with someone but not sure what else to do. My mind races constantly and my best friend is so very sick of me in a lot of ways. she just dont know that I want to scream out "ADHD" that 's what I have. I dont mean to make excuses or show lack of interest of dont pay any attention to details.. I ahve two degrees in engineering. I am super smart but lack the common sense for the real world. I feel as though life is passing me by and that people dont understand me at all. I have retreated from life and the kicker is that I am a minister of the Gosple of Jesus christ...I have asked God every single day to take this away from me for the sake of others. I want to love and live and embrace this life while I am living without being told "I dont care". I do care just cant follow directiosn like everyone else.

I dont have insurance so cant get pills or counseling and my best friend is aware that I have but I confuse her constantly and since then have stop trying to explain myself because its either a lie, or an excuse, or confusing. One of those it will always be. She hates that I am disorganize. No matter how much she shows me to clean this or that I just cant seem to get it! What am I doing wrong? Does anyone feel like I feel out there?
texaskid1982 texaskid1982
26-30
7 Responses May 22, 2012

frenchADD...do you feel like people treat you like a kid or they tell you all the time that you act like a kid?

Hi Texaskid,<br />
Tears falling while I'm reading your life story because it's mine... I feel so much the way you feel about your friend, your job your every day life... struggling, screaming inside for help, trying to understand that 'feeling', trying to explain to others that we are suffering so much inside... as adult we are so shame about what we are inside that we're trying so hard to look 'normal'... and it works ! so 'normal' people just can not believe in adult ADHD, the only way they could is by sharing our brain for a few days, then....<br />
no matter what, I HATE ADHD but I will have to live my life with it... and cry.

As ADHellD wrote, you are NOT alone. There is a lot of help & information out there that can help you to lead a fulfilling life. <br />
<br />
I also have ADHD. I was diagnosed 5 years ago at age 47 as a result of my older boy, who was having problems in school in Grade 1. At the time I was working as a lecturer in a College of vocational education when his teacher spoke with my (now ex-)wife about some behaviour problems. She repeated what his teacher had told her and, as I had some experience in working with teenagers with ADHD, I recognised some of the symptoms and so decided to do some online research on the subject. The more I read, the more I recognised myself in what I was reading, which lead me to make an appointment with my GP, who referred me to a psychiatrist who made the diagnosis. <br />
<br />
The psych told me I am what is classed as a "high-functioning" ADHD, which is why I was diagnosed so late in life, and prescribed dexamphetamine sulphate (Dex). <br />
<br />
Although I have been academically successful - like you I have 2 degrees (one in Sport Science/Human Biology & the other is a teaching degree) I noticed a BIG difference in my mental clarity after beginning on the Dex.<br />
<br />
HOWEVER.........medication alone is not the answer, there are other strategies that you need to put in place to help you and joining and ADHD support group can help you with this. Another good source of free help and advice is ADDitude online magazine (http://www.additudemag.com/) and you can subscribe to their e-zine free and gain access to a wealth of resources, as well as an online support forum. <br />
<br />
If you are unable to afford medical support at the moment, remember that one of the best things you can do for yourself to help with the symptoms of ADHD is regular - i.e. daily - exercise. Exercise stimulates the release of endorphins, which have a positive effect on mood and neural functioning. This will not only help in ameliorating the symptoms of ADHD, but also helps with mood control and depression. <br />
<br />
I wish you well in your search for help and in getting your life back together. Remember, you are not alone and help is out there, it is up to you to seek it out and to make the changes necessary to get your life back on track and be successful. <br />
<br />
=80)~

You are not alone. I feel the same. Just got the ADHD diagnose two weeks ago. Age 47. 47 years living in hell, went to see a councellor since age 22. Have been doing that for 25 years. No one noticed I had adhd because I 'did not really want to engage with the world'. That's what was my problem. I sneeked out of most social engagements because it cost me so much energy to keep up with other people, I could only relax when I was all by myself. But two weeks ago I gave up on trying to live this life, asked for some sort of medication at my doctors. Told him I just COULD not do better, finish things, keep a job, focus.<br />
And there it was: -'sounds like you have ADD'<br />
My whole world collapsed. I had been feeling guilty all my life because I did 'not WANT to join the world, society, working life'. And fought as hard as I could to get rid of all my childhood-stuff and everything. But now I understood I worked for years on something I would never ever be able to overcome this way.<br />
I had a handicap. And had to go to a psychiatrist and get (awful) medication. And for that I had to wait more 20 weeks because there's a giant row of children diagnosed with adhd who are first in line.<br />
I could not believe more than half my life was over before I could try start living. And now I had to wait. Wait and just survive. Not doing anything meaningful anymore because I could just not finsh things, no work, no social life, just sleep and wake up and hang around and forget important things and feel completely lost. <br />
I got ready to jump off a building. And made one more phonecall, my last call for help.<br />
finally, they took it seriously and I got help the same afternoon.<br />
I've learned a lot on the web about adhd-treatment in these last 2 weeks, will try everything I am able to, I'll fight one more fight to live a life worth living.<br />
I wish you will find some help too and all the strenght you need to get through this, Texaskid1982.

One other suggestion -- the ADHD Association - add.org has alot of information.

Hi Texas Kid. It takes alot of courage to write your feelings like you have done. I hope you are hanging in there. It seems like not to many folks have been able to respond to you. I hope my recommendations are somewhat helpful.<br />
1. There are some national organizations (are you in Texas) which provide information about adhd in adults, including the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI). The more you can learn about your condition and symptoms, the more you can find ways to cope and take responsibility for yourself. There are also great resources for those who love you - family, friends, people in your community. 2) Also, it is really important you find a medical doctor who can confirm the ADHD diagnosis and eliminate other diagnosis/illness or causes for changes and feelings you mention. <br />
3) I know right now you feel like you have to do this without medication. However, medication and the right functional social skills changing could really change your life for the better. Insurance is really changing, what with the affordable care act and programs which many states are implementing. However, you need to know that pharmaceutical companies often will cover the full cost of medication if you write a sincere letter explaining your circumstances and include the physician's (psychiatrist) diagnosis and presc<x>ription orders. <br />
I hope this information helps. Most of all, I hope you will find a professional team of doctors, social workers, and psychologists in your area whom you can count on to help you through all this. You are not alone, and I am confident you can believe in yourself!!! If you commit to developing the skills which will help you get through each day and face your challenges, this will pass!

Can you get insurance through your state for having an underlying condition? That is what I have in order to get my medication. I don't know how I would survive without my meds, I zone out on them even, so I am so sorry for you that you have to do it without medication.