I've Been Labelled As Adhd, Highly Intelligent, Under-achiever...The worst is that I do meditation since I was about 8 in order to conquer my lifetime focus problem, because I do not think that my soul is fickle in nature... In fact, I would very much like to fulfill my innate potentials even just in one area...
I can get inspired about an area and want to learn everything about it, purchase all the necessary equipments and books, start the lessons. But it's so hard to stick through. I think it's also the side effects of having so many interests: I speak three languages fluently, play the piano since age 5, play the tabla, percussion instruments, do photography, do yoga, study the occult (astrology, I-Ching, pendulum...), am a professional artist (although I haven't gotten around to doing a new body of work since 2009 and my gallerists and publisher are waiting!), have had exhibitions in Europe, Japan, USA, have a published art monography. I alternate between having full confidence that I will eventually get around to becoming focused and bouts of pretty low self-esteem due to all the unfinished (and un-started) projects.
Starting from my conservatory years, all my teachers always said that I was the biggest under-achiever because I was capable of so much more. In fact, my piano professor referred me to an ADHD specialist, and I was diagnosed and put on Ritalin, which I took for about a semester and straight A's that year, while giving a solo recital at the same time. After that, the effect of Ritalin started waning and I stopped taking it as regularly. After college, I realized that I would never have enough focus to become a concert pianist, and decided to move to Europe and become an artist... I was so motivated because it all seemed to new and challenging. I got into one of the top art schools, hit on a project that got a lot of interest from galleries and even a boo publisher. The problem is: since having some success, I've lost interest and do not want to repeat myself. In fact, recently, I've re-ignited my interest in piano and want to learn jazz, funk, Logic Pro composition, and you name it... I was really excited about a project submission on a sound art project, thinking that I could finally put music and art together. But I just wish that I had a bit of stick-to-it-ness.
Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm too serious about everything and do not allow myself to have fun?? Because of guilt, I easily turn down free travel opportunities and only allow myself to travel for professional purposes. I read the following article that seemed to point myself to some of my problems, that perhaps I dream too big?
Study results support the idea that "we label tasks as boring when they require a great deal of focused effort to hold our attention.In the 1970s, psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who is now at the Claremont Graduate University in Claremont, Calif., coined the term "flow psychology"—the idea that great absorption, focus and enjoyment of work results from a balance between our skills and the challenge of the tasks we face. "
That's it for today. This is my first Experience Project post, and this actually feels strangely therapeutic, and I will have another go at my composition…
queerdoll 36-40 8 Responses 0 Sep 3, 2012