Growing Pains

I spent a while debating whether or not to post a story because I'm afraid to. I don't know why exactly, but that's how I am I suppose. I was not a shy child, but as I got older and made more mistakes are started becoming ashamed of myself. I started setting limits in my interactions with others in order to save myself feelings of anxiety. But being alone made me anxious as well. I had depended on one friend but when she was gone it was difficult to make others. I accomplished it somehow. That was middleschool. In 9th grade I lost those friends and again had noone. I spent lunch hiding in the bathroom or library, during class I made sure that I looked busy so noone would approach me. It was unneccsary, since noone seemed interested anyways. As I became increasingly aware of my faults and others perceptions of me I grew more detached from reality and tried to seperate myself while also getting good grades. It worked for the most part although I skipped a-lot. This was my senior year, I already had 24 credits by the 2nd semest so my school agreed to allow graduation even though I stopped going to school. It's been 4 months now since I've gone out in public succssesfully. MY one attempt was to the store where I had a panic attack. It feels unfixable. All I do is watch tv, play games and wish every day that I'd never been born.