I Will Probably Struggle With It All My Life

When I was a teenager I used to get panic attacks while getting ready for school. My mother used to make me go no matter how I felt. At the time I felt betrayed and unloved. What I found out later is that she had agoraphobia when she was young too. She learned that she could over come it by making herself face it. The only problem with that is that she never told me all of this, she just pushed out into situations that made me panic.
Now, thanks to her tough love, I can make myself face it when I have to. Even though I still feel close to panic I can now make myself leave the house to go to work, do the shopping, or do the things that I have to do. Of course, my guts still knot up and I get nauseous as I am getting ready to leave. I do as much as I can on line, but you can't do everything on the computer.
I have come to believe that unfortunately it will be an ongoing struggle for me for the rest of my life.
lyricaldemise lyricaldemise
41-45, T
1 Response Jan 17, 2013

That is unfortunate. There are times that I will have to do something that involves my daughters school like a choir concert or group event or even with my job like a meeting. My kind immediately thinks "worse case scenario" and it only gets worse from there. Of course I survive these events but come away so mentally drained. I do pray it gets better and you see the silver lining:)

I am sorry that you have to deal with this. I know how hard it can be. If you ever find that silver lining please let me know where to look for it. Nothing is more draining then fear, especially panic, except for maybe pain. I don't so much think about the worst case scenarios as it's just that I know that's going to be really bad. Thank you for reading my story and especially for letting me know that I am not alone.

There are times when I wonder if pain would be as bad lol Sometimes I wonder if the reason people suffer from this nightmare is because we don't have enough Faith in Him and ourselves

I don't know. I really wish that did.

Everyone that I've talked to that deals with this has low self esteem. Including myself. You have to learn to love yourself and know you rock!! Easier said than done I know. Accept that God chose you even beyond all of our mistakes. It's so easy for us to accept His mercy but sometimes impossible to accept His Grace because we don't feel worthy

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