That's Pretty Much Everyone

Ok...maybe not everyone.  But a good chunk of people none-the-less!

Pretty much everyone I know tells me that I'm a great person and anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend.  Sometimes I have a hard time believing this...  Take my roommates as an example.  I really wanted to be friends with them because we have so much in common, but because they're all really close to each other already, I can't find the confidence to build a friendship.  Part of me thinks, if they have each other, why would they want me?  Other times it's, I'm just not that cool to worth talking to or getting to know obviously.  I met this other girl this year who I like talking to and would like to be friends with.  But she's a little older, and way more pretty than me.  She such a cool person, I don't really see why she'd want to be friends with me, or see me other than a charity case. 

And guys?  Don't get me started....  I have such terrible confidence when it comes to relationships.  I never go for anyone because I'm too afraid they'll find me boring and not worth their time.  It sucks because I've let a lot of potential relationships go that I'll probably regret the rest of my life.  Then the two relationships I did persue, I ended early because I was afraid to get too close.  I was afraid that they'd get to know me and not like what they found.

I'm not bad at talking to people.  I can make anyone laugh, or at least smile.  I'm pretty outgoing with one person, though a group is a little harder for me.  People like me, but I feel like they only like what they see.  I feel like if they knew the things I thought or what I really am, they would be freaked out and stay away from me.  I just can't trust a lot of people to get to know me.

I don't really know what to do.  I know I should just open myself up to people, because I'm really not that bad.  I'm just so afraid of what would happen.  I'm afraid of getting hurt. 

But I've gotten to a point in my life where I know I'm missing out on so much because I won't believe that I'm good enough to be with anyone.

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2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

And if you could see into their inner insecurities, you would see that they are no more sure than you are. They just hide it better. Or maybe not. maybe they don't know how insecure you feel either. What you are feeling is just normal non-narcissistic real feelings. I have discovered, just since getting a computer and having an opportunity to see into peoples hearts and minds, that there are a lot more like you, than there are people who aren't. And of the ones who are so sure of themselves, I find a large majority of them insufferable egotists; people I wouldn't give two minutes of my time to. Not that they'd want any of my time, because I'm not that interesting.

Maybe you are thinking too much. Just go with the flow. I understand that it is hard to be intelligent and try to think less but, you can. Don't dumb yourself down of course, that isn't what I am saying. Just focus. Keep busy and don't let your thoughts wander. Be in charge of your thoughts. From what I know of you, I think you are a genuine, good, grade 'A' person. Start thinking like you are such.