Dont Know What Group I Fit Into

i like to be different as i view a lot of people in the world as sheep, drifting with the flock, copying eachother, wanting to be eachother...well im glad my mind has been disconnected from this odd system, as i view the world differently and cant understand why there is so much pain and apathy in the world. humans are meant to be intelligent, yet we fight pointless wars, abuse eachother and destroy earth...our home. so anyway, i find it hard to fit into society as i love talking about science, dont really have a sense of fear, am way too logical but write poetry and very creative, i have a kind heart but aggressive mind and find it difficult to communicate with the average human being. i can have great conversations with intelligent people but my aggressive thoughts can exclude me from that group. i have a very dark sense of humour but so much empathy in my heart, i cant find a group i fit into, so far...im unique. im a bit mad but loyal and kind also im a lesbian,so finding love will be hard as she will have to be able to understand my view of the world and ignore the fact that i want to torture very bad people.........id also help anyone in need as well. im an angel and a demon and i think they have an understanding between eachother lol
freedomchaser24 freedomchaser24
22-25, F
5 Responses Jul 25, 2010

I'm cultivating the idea of being different. I used to be 'strange' but now that i'm older I'm just 'eccentric'

Hello.<br />
<br />
I'm a bit like you, except the agressive part.lol <br />
I most of the time wonder why there is that much suffering on this planet. and amsurprised by how people think. And personnaly I think that it's better to be different, because if some people on this planet didn't think differently from the mass and fifn't stand up for their beliefs. This world wouldn't have changed at all. You said, you have difficultiies discussing with the average peolple, maybe you should try to be more comprehensive. Because most human aren't as evoluate as you (sad but true).<br />
Oh And I'm sure that you could find a good partner.<br />
<br />
Peace and Love

You've probably already read most of these, but I consider them to be essential reading for an outsider if you do not want to end up with extreme suicidal ideation:<br />
<br />
"Steppenwolfe" and "Demian" by Herman Hesse<br />
"Candide" by Volraire<br />
"Physics and Philosophy" by Werner Heisenberg<br />
"Why Do You Care What Other People Think" and "Surely You're Joking, Dr. Feynman" by Richard Feynman<br />
"Buddha in Redface" by Eduardo Duran<br />
"Scientist" by John C. Lilly<br />
"Inner Reaches of Outer Space" by Joseph Campbell<br />
"Jonathan Livingston Seagull" and "Illusions" by Richard Bach (Don't read "Bridge Across Forever", it will only worsen your melancholy.)<br />
"Genealogy of Morals" and "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" by Friedrich Nietzsche<br />
"Modern Man in Search of a Soul" by Carl Jung<br />
<br />
Starting with "Demian" and "Johnathan Livingston Seagull" at age 13, these and many other books have kept me mostly sane and alive for more than 30 years. When you fire on an entirely different set of neurons from everyone else around you, you gotta have something to help combat the bitter ashes of loneliness.

I've always been pyschologically driven by a distrust of the crowd. I once spent some time with a brilliant therapist, and she asked me:<br />
So, if you wear the electronic pass around your neck like everyone else, what does that mean?<br />
It means i'm following the crowd.<br />
ANd if you're following the crowd, what does that mean?<br />
That i'm not thinking for myself.<br />
And if you're not thinking for yourself, what does that mean?<br />
That... i'm not ...really living. <br />
<br />
For me it's that deep.

Even within a group there is diversity, in opinions, dispositions, attitudes and even understanding of the common theme of the group. What makes it a group is the willingness of the members to discuss the common idea and ponder, philosophize or even act on it. I understand feeling sometimes like an odd ball out. I have the suspicion that your honesty and directness has gotten you in trouble in the past making you a little bit apprehensive. If I am wrong I apologize. But I do believe that you have tremendous capacity for empathy because your language is passionate and anyone passionate about something most likely is genuine about it. Before fitting in with the world sometimes it is helpful to fit in with ourselves, to decide up front what areas or aspects in our personality we are willing to compromise to a degree that interaction with people around us is not hindered.