Will I Be Here Forever?

Every now and then I start to get this feeling of loneliness that creeps over me. I find myself daydreaming of what it will be like, feel like to love someone who love me back. how it would it feel to have a deep friendship with someone I trust. How would it be to laugh with my sweet heart. To get a good morning text. The lovely moments of looking into someone eyes and having them kiss you on the lips softly and you return the favor. I can only hope and wait for that.

Sometimes this make me feel sad. I been feeling like this for days. It does not help when people mostly family ask me if I have someone every Christmas, and then they give you the look that said whats wrong with her? She still single. It does not help that both my sister are engaged at the same time. Being the third child its like a unspoken pressure your have to be next to get married, and I'm thinking I don't even have a boyfriend or been in a relationship.

Then there my fear of inexperience. At my age to tell someone I never been in a relationship just make me uncomfortable. Then last but not least the fact that I'm African American limit my choices in men. I'm attracted to all races, but they are not to me. I'm getting closer to thirty years of age. I don't know what else to say. This is my story.
truthfulness truthfulness
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

Wow, you sound so much like me. I am 33 years old and never been in a romantic relationship either. I have dated and even frenched kissed/made out with a guy with whom I thought I was heading into a relationship. He seemed to really be into me, but I guess it was just an attraction and not real love. He knew exactly how I felt but was honest with me and said that he didn't want a relationship period. I was crushed and cried for months, but life goes on. My whole love life has been a series of unrequited loves and the older I get the more painful it is. Now, I am just kind of numb I guess and wondering the same things you are. I never even had a guy give me flowers on any occasion. The only guy that has ever given me flowers is my father. Like you, I wonder what having a true love and romantic partner would be like.

I am the youngest of three daughters as well and both my sisters are married with children. I am hoping to be married before I turn 50 years old. If I don't even land a legit, loving boyfriend by then, then I know I am a lost cause. I am the only unmarried adult in my family and I often feel like a reject. I will pray that true love finds the both of us.