My mom controlling my life

every since i had my daughter, that's when i felt like my mom was starting to control my life....i had my daughter at the age of 18 seven yrs ago and 3 days after i had my baby girl i had a vision that my mom would take over my make matters worse, i was right...cause at the hospital where i delivered my daughter i spoke out and told my mom i have a feeling that you're going to take over my daughter....and she got pissed at me for telling her how i felt...and when i got to the house she was like i don't wont your baby i got my own baby right here...she was referring to my lil sister at the time.....but as i was going to college full time..she was starting to get attached.....i appreciate her taking care of my daughter while i'm getting a education but most moms ain't going to take over like the time i was still living with my parents so what she says goes....that's how it was in her household.....but i hated it cause i couldn't take my daughter to the park by myself unless she was there or my brother....i couldn't take her anywhere by myself and that was getting to me....i felt like i was more a sister than a mom didn't care if my daughter called her mom and my dad "daddy".....that was akward cause those are my parents and i'm the one that's the mom wasn't correcting her except me...up and until this day my daughter still calls her mom....but my mother was so strict i left at the age of 20 cause that's when she would verbally abuse me and i didn't like that....inside i was like no mother ain't suppose to make you feel bad...if anything they suppose to cheer you up when you are sad, talking instead of mom was the type to cuss alot so when she cuss, she really cuss.....and with me being sensitive, that got to that i'm 26 now with a family of my own she still trying to control my life like i ain't grown and i don't like it.......when it comes around to holidays she wants me to always go to her house and only her house...and that's not fair one bit...cause with me i like to make it fair....this year i told her that for christmas i was going to go to her house along over my fiance's parent's house aswell...and like i thought i knew once i tell her something i always hear it about a week or two weeks later....stating that i need to choose only one house to go to and not both....mann that's is selfish than a motherf*cker cause i'm trying to make everybody happy...but i guess i ain't doing too much to satisfy her....(sad)....i just want a regular life that's all....i wish my mother was more understanding...till this day i fear her why cause when we was little she didn't play one bit....and i was always the quiet i kinda let her walk over me...but i'm tired....this been going on for sooooooo long and its getting dead to me foreals.....i'm stressing way too much and stressing is bad, was also this one particular day that i had went to my parents house to let them know that i was pregnant right....i knock and knock and knock on the door and i heard a lil rumble on the door then it stop.,,,okay i forgot to tell ya'll their cars was outside so i knew they was inside but they just didn't open that door...i could hear my mother's voice inside but couldn't quite hear what she was saying...then finally, my lil sista open up the door and said ma and dad ain't home.....i bust out in tears cause right then and there i felt like a stranger...then when i try to call my parents the phone just ring and ring and ring...i know they be there too...cause one time i called my brother's cell phone and guess who pick it up??...yes my mother....that's odd how i called the house and no one pick up but when i called the cell oh she's right there talking....need advice.

keyonna keyonna
26-30, F
7 Responses Nov 29, 2009

I feel so bad for you try to write her a letter and tell her you have had enough of it and you want things to change and your not going to allow for her to treat you badly or you will just cut the ties with her until you see a change in her.then you have to stick to what your telling her if you want to see a change in her.good luck you sound like a nice person .I had a mother that never cared and now that I'm older I should of wrote her a letter.

I would love to be your friend. Hunny if I was you I would tell her exactly how I feel. Yo moma wouldn like me at all

OK, i just want to say that i COMPLETELY understand what you are going thru. but i have one small piece of advice. and this is not to say that you need to do this b/c i am not here to judge and you can only do what is right for you. You are in the same boat as i am with a controlling mother. but the best way to deal with this is to LET IT ALL GO! i am definitely not saying forgive and/or forget but you have to not base your feelings on how your mother feels and reacts. this is how she controls you. she plays the guilt trip on you and you do exactly what you have been doing all these years and she knows you are going to do it. she knows you are just going to relent and then end up doing what she wants you to. You are a grown woman with a family of your own and you need to make sure that she understands that or she is never going to stop. Show her that you dont care about her feelings in a particular matter, that you are a grown woman and can make decisions for you AND your own family. <br />
<br />
I had to learn not to care about what my mother felt about what i was doing. only i know what is right for me. This is YOUR life and no one should have control over it but you. If i continued to listen to what my mother told me, i would be as miserable as her. and that is the whole point. Your mother probably is miserable and what makes her feel better is bringing you down. That is how some people work and they know that that is what is gonna get you every time. Whenever my mother still tries to control me by telling me something i should do....i just let her talk and then i keep right on doing what i wanna do. you are giving your mother the power to upset you. once you stop letting her get involved anything you do, she will get the hint and she will either be there for you or continue her ways. but you have to be stronger and not let her guilt trips get to you. b/c guess what, she is still doing everything she wants with no input from you. Let her see how the shoe is on the other foot

I am sorry you went through this and still experience it. I too know all what you feel because I have a BOSSY, CONTROLLING Sagitarrius mom. She is sweet in her own way BUT she is very verbally abusive. I thought by now she would have learned but she still does it. I'm 33 and she still tries at talk stupid to me. She CURSES and claims to be a BIG MISSIONARY in the church. My mom also thinks she can still hit me and uses the BIBLE to try and preach to me about disrespectful kids or disobedient kids. I never know if she is having one of her mood swings and have to walk on eggshells around her. She often talks about what she does and throws things up in your face, She loves to brag and act like she is Indispensible, in other words without her my life would prob crumble. I often tell her this is NOT the case. I'm a very independent person and I lost my job but I had a plan to fall back on. Once I spent all my savings she has started helping me and I hear it ALL the time. Honestly, I love my mom but I always wonder aren't moms supposed to be loving and help to lift you up?

I hope you by now have your own place because it does not get any better when you live with your mother and pay rent, from my own experience it doesn't stop the controlling and what's worst that then she will use your own children to control you.

I hope you by now have your own place because it does not get any better when you live with your mother and pay rent, from my own experience it doesn't stop the controlling and what's worst that then she will use your own children to control you.

I hope you by now have your own place because it does not get any better when you live with your mother and pay rent, from my own experience it doesn't stop the controlling and what's worst that then she will use your own children to control you.