Things I'm Addicted to

Nicotine- I started smoking when i was 12 (now 21) and i swear i was instantly hooked. I tried it one day just because i was bored, my parent's weren't home and i decided to try it, see what it was like...before i knew it i was stealing ciggarettes from them on a daily basis.

Pain- I have self harmed through cutting since the age of 11, though i have hurt myself in other ways even in kindergarted. I can go months without it and be fine, but the feeling is always there...that i need it, that somethings gonna push me over the edge agian. I also think i'm addicted to emotional pain, because i'm used to being miserable, and when i'm not...i just don't feel right and look for reasons to be miserable, even go as far as creating false stories in my head and actually getting upset over it. I've gotten alot better with this over the years but i still find it hard to sleep if i'm in a good mood.

Chapstick- I'm serious, i actually get cravings for it, i always keep it handy

prplfae prplfae
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 19, 2009

I smoked for 20 years and then got put on Nortriptyline for IBS and it took away my smoking desire...who knew?...for good! I recommend asking your doctor about it.<br />
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I identify with your letter, on several points. I really do. CS Lewis (the post-atheistic Lewis) says some amazing things about these issues. I am reminded of the comments about preferring to itch even when it is impossible to scratch. (Referring to the afterlife, when addictions are no longer indulge -able)<br />
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I hate having to answer this tremendously huge subject matter with a short comment, but my quick answer is this: we keep trying to get quick fixes with physical satisfactions. But I think you might find that the simple and corny act of spreading good deeds (random acts of kindness) may lead you into a path that will enrich your life. It is a different kind of addiction you may find rewarding.