At 43, I Have A 'new' Sister

About 2 weeks ago I found out that I have an older sister who was put up for adoption in 1964. My head is still spinning. We never so much heard a whisper from our family. Nothing. A little background to my story: I have an older sister, 2 younger sisters and a younger brother, all with the same parents. My mother took off when we were young and our father raised us alone. It was difficult, but he did his best and we made it. Several years ago a stranger approached my sister and long story short, told her that my dad had a baby after high school that was placed for adoption. Not one of us ever approached our dad about it. He was a proud man and I assume it was something to painful and personal to share with us. Although, I am trying to understand. It bothers me very much that he didn't and I never asked. But what i knew about him is why I didn't. He might have lied and that would be worse. He was a good man, with a secret. My dad passed in 2003 and never mentioned this secret. Our stepmother didn't even know. No other person in the family ever said a word about it. Now that she has found us the aunties are starting to talk and we are getting a bit more info. 46 years is a long time and some memories are vague but we are piecing it all together.

I am excited to get to know my 'new' sister. We've exchanged e-mails and pics but we won't be meeting until next month as we live in different states. I will be talking to her on the phone today or tomorrow and I'm a bit nervous. All the questions in my head, only my dad could answer! How do I answer her questions, whatever they are? I am happy that she found us, although her adopted father doesn't support her decision to find her birth family (he doesn't know) and her mother has passed. I feel for her. Growing up without a mother left me with many questions and some issues that have been dealt with as best they could be. I wonder if we share some of the same feelings. How do I explain family dynamics that aren't the prettiest? Like the fact that my brother has been all but disowned. That she shouldn't contact him as he will only try to take advatage of her. How do you explain that? Uhg! I guess in short, I am looking for help/support.

I feel this will work out just fine, it's the getting there that I am stressing about! If anyone has any suggestions that would be helpful, I sure would appreciate it. I want this to be a happy change in my life and hers too. I want to be honest and open to the whole experience! Thanks.

am2266 am2266
41-45, F
Feb 9, 2010