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The Alcohol Is Destroying Us...

we have been together for nearly 4 years. We met on the job together, I was a waitress, he was a part time cook. He is also a professional dancer/teacher, so of course one of the first (and incidentally, only) dates we ever went on was to a local shag bar.  I fell in love with him, completely, by the end of the first dance. we were both recently divorced, im in my 30's, thought i'd been in love before... never like this. I had, and still have, a physical reaction to him.
We both enjoyed going out, dancing, and drinking... but as time went by the amount of alcohol he was consuming just kept increasing... we no longer spent time together, unless I went to the bar with him, which would make it REALLY hard to get up and go to work the next morning... eventually he just stopped coming home completely.  His drinking continues to escalate, and now he is smoking pot (not a big deal to me), snorting cocaine(bad) and occasionally, Crack(REALLY BAD!)  I broke up with him yesterday. we had a long chat this morning (literally, on facebook). He admits that he drinks too much, and swears that he can control it, although he has lost jobs, missed court dates, and is now facing jail time...  I feel like I have let him down.  I love him so much, shouldnt I stick by him? Help him? How can I help a man who wont admit he needs it.  How can I help anyone in the condition Im in? The anger, sadness, fear and depression are killing me... I sat here and cried while I read everyone else's stories, because they all sound so familiar... and I recognize the pain...
I know that I am going to worry about him constantly. I know that it is going to take a very long time to get over him. I know there is no magic fix, although I will always wish for one.
I know his heart and soul. He has so much talent, so much to give the world...
brooksuzannenoble brooksuzannenoble 31-35 2 Responses Dec 29, 2011

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The most important thing to remember is that you can only change you. I HATE how much my boyfriend drinks, I get so frustrated when he forgets everything... His drinking is so bad it has affected his short term memory... I really dislike how when he drinks he looks for sexual validation from other females because I won't give it to him. Our electricity has been shut off 3 times this past year because he didn't pay the bill but he remembers to buy his 1/2 gallon of rum everyday... I used to want to leave... I took on so much blame... "If only I were skinnier, if only I were better in bed, if only I drank with him" I stopped if only... I know I am beautiful, I know I am strong, I know I don't like to wake up with a hangover and I know I will someday bury the Man I love long before I should have to. But I know that I love him. I know that I would rather live with him and share the good times and I know that when he drinks... I let him... because I can't change him.

Sweetie, it's going to take a long time to get over him but you must or you will be miserable until you finally leave then you will be angry at yourself for wasting years of your life with someone who has sucked the happiness from you! I wasted the majority of my twenties with someone like this. Start now and go talk to a therapist! Best wishes....