Finally Left My Alcoholic Boyfriend...

I finally left my alcoholic boyfriend for the second time and for goodj. He was so great in the beginning and then we started to live together and I started to see his demons at night. He was o.k. during the day (for the most part), unless he started drinking early, which he started drinking early on the weekends and would drive me absolutely crazy. He acted insane, angry, and blamed me for the silliest things. Of course the next morning he would apologize and say "Oh, let's just forget about it." Too many times I heard this and slowly my self esteem started to shrink down. I gained too many pounds and the stress from the relationship started to affect me in other ways. I lost a lot of my dignity and time on this fool and I should have left him a long time ago. I decided that it really was better to be alone and if I had stayed, I think the stress would have killed me at some was like walking on eggshells all the time....He has a daughter and he also would try to get her involved, he was just so irrational. He would ask her opinion re: his silly gripes towards me and she was only 13. I really felt like he was using his daughter against me, but luckily she preferred to stay out of it on most occasions. Sometimes she would drive me crazy too because she would side with her very crazy father and I just gave up...It was so hurtful and I began to resent her. He was inappropriate in other ways too. His daughter had a friend that would come over for sleep overs and there was something strange about this kid. She would actually flirt with my ex and it was so obvious. Well I figure sometimes young girls have crushes on older men, but the part I could not understand was why he did not set her straight???? I mean he is the adult and needs to set the boundaries. It was so uncomfortable and what worried me was that although he seemed oblivious to her advances, when he drinks (sometimes) he forgets what he says and does. This of course worries me for obvious reasons, but to my relief she is only allowed to stay over if I'm there, and well I no longer live there so.....It just was so hurtful to tell him how I felt about this young girls behavior and having him dismiss it like I was crazy for bringing it up. He really did not respect me at all and did not value me, took me for granted,.....I think this was the final straw for me, I had had enough...The craziest part is that I still love him like crazy...I miss him so much and I cry every night, but I figure this is better than dealing with his bs and I know I'll get over him in time.
I am 38 yrs old and I feel that I have failed in some way. I look around me and see all these happy couples, including those in my family and wonder where I went wrong, and why this is happening to me. At times I feel that society puts so much pressure on women, especially those in their 30's to do all the normal things, like get married, settle down, and it makes me feel desparate to have a relationship with a man. At this moment though I am putting all this societal thinking aside to make time for myself and get back on track. I can only try my best:) This breakup really burns....
GettingThereSoon GettingThereSoon
36-40, F
5 Responses Feb 1, 2012

This is awesome and You should be so proud of yourself. I just left my boyfriend two days ago and Im missing him tonight even though I know he's no good for thats why Im happy to have this site! I put him out and I now have to get my locks changed because he showed up to my apartment last night...luckily I stayed at my moms house for the weekend because I knew I would be vulnerable he hasnt been sober one day in our year and a half together..he is a functional alcoholic that apologizes the next day after every argument and fight and I accepted that all this time because of how sweet he was when he was sober...I always wondered why his ex wife left I know and I am ready to get my life back in order...his family is full of alcoholics and they've been that way before I came around...we can't change learning how to love myself better because I know I deserve so much more...thank you for sharing your story.

My ex-boyfriend is a functional, binge-drinking alcoholic, and I had to kick him out of the house just over a week ago. I feel both relieved and terribly guilty. I feel like I've set him out into the world to fend for himself and that he can't take care of himself. But at the same time, I know that this is just a temporary phase and he'll pull himself together - at least enough to move himself out of his friends place (he's functional, after all). But I can't feel responsible for taking care of him anymore - and neither should you. The only way an alcoholic will stop drinking is by hitting rock bottom, and they can't do that if someone is always there to clean up their messes. It's important to set boundaries and make sure that he doesn't find his way back into your home. If speaking to him makes you vulnerable to persuasion, don't speak to him. If you need to get things from the home, or return things to him, do this through a friend. If you haven't come clean to your friends and family about what has been going on, now is the time. Chances are they already realize that something is very wrong - mine sure did. His life is no longer your life, and you should be proud that you were able to make the hard choice and remove yourself from the situation. Good for you!

i am in the process of leaving my functioning alcoholic. I am struggling with guilt because he has no idea that i am going to do it. I put a deposit down on a apt and am moving in 2 weeks. I am in constant agony because i have to act like everything is normal until i move, its killing me. I have been with him almost 3 years and only one weekend in all that time has he not got drunk. I have stayed so long because financially i am going to be strapped, im scared but the stress i have dealt with for the last couple years has taken its toll. Its so sad because he is a great guy, caring, loving and giving when he doesnt drink and he only drinks on the weekend but i cant do it anymore, im going crazy in my head, second guessing myself then reminding myself of all the bad times due to his binge drinking, this is terrible, i feel sick inside. I pray im doing the right thing and this horrible pain and anxiety i feel will go away

You are so strong and you will be feeling so much better. I was in your sme possition and its been 6 days I left, and since then I have been feeling better, I have y times I think about it, I come in here and I see all this post and I know it was for the better, I also got help with a counsuler because, yes there is a hurt to the selfsteem and I need my sanity back, I also feel like why all this happy couples....but everything that shines is not gold......we looked like a great couple because I was great at making it look that way to protect me from more low selfsteem issues....but for the happy couples. I feel today, I can be there one day, because this is actually the first time I felt strong about leaving and broke it off with no drama, not yell , no fights, just broke it off, no debate!!! keep going

Ok so I relapse went back and is hell, i just left again:(

sosad7..if you're still out there..please let me/us know how everything turned out! I too am leaving without him knowing...I feel absolutely guilt ridden and I feel like I am abandoning a child. Which is sad because he's supposed to be a man..not a little boy. *sighs* I have my deposit money saved n am signing a lease this Wednesday. I am starting to pack up n move things that are valuable to me and most things he would never notice gone. Its a very sad yet hopeful time..I hope to become strong again and for him to realize on his own that he needs help. I've done everything I can do. So thanks for your experience.. I hope you are doing well! :)

HI, I got a email I had a response to my post, I havent been on here in over a year. I did move out, he works nights so i told him when he called me on his lunch break that evening, he kinda went into shock, left work and went on a 2 week binge, calling me all hours of the night when he was really drunk. I didnt care, i felt good about what i did and i was free from the drama of his drinking. After his extended binge he sobered up and called me and we talked, he wanted to stop drinking. I told him i would be a friend to him and be supportive but he had to do it for himself. He did and after him being sober and us dating for the next 6 months i moved back in. He has been sober for the past 2 years, not a single drop and we are very happy. Walking away like i did was scary and hard but the best and only decision that was right for me. You are strong as i was because to do what you are going to and what i did takes strength and courage. Its not easy but closing the door when i walked out that day, i felt such relief, it was over for me, no more of that terrible stress and pain and all the other crap that comes along with living with a alcoholic. I didnt let him know where i lived until after he chose to stop drinking and i wouldnt have at all otherwise. It is a sad situation you are in, i know but im glad you see its also hopeful because it really is. whichever way your story goes from here, its your story, your choice, you did it. Take care, i wish you the best, keep smiling.

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I'm in the exact same position. Five years, on and off, and I finally had to move across the country six months ago to stay away from mine for good......and even now he will still text me or call me when's hard.<br />
I wish I would have come across this site years ago! lol! I might have wasted less time.

Thank God you got away from him. I was in a similar situation. I realized that there was no point trying to talk to my boyfriend about all the problems we were having because he was always under the influence of alcohol. I knew he could not be thinking normally because he was never sober. I watched him for 7 months straight everyday drink beer as soon as he got home. He drank a 12 pack of beer everyday and on the weekends he drank a case of beer or more. And on the night we had to go to work he would start off the morning with Jack Daniels because it was stronger and he knew he couldn't drink all day and make it to work. Then after drinking jack daniels he would finish it off with a couple of zanax. I was suppose to be his girlfriend and he cared more about his drinking and drugs. i would sit around and cry alot and of course he cheated on me too. yes there are cruel, mean people out there. I dont feel sorry for him because i realized in the end in order to survive in this world you have to take care of yourself. he did what he wanted to do so I did the same thing and left.

Thank you for your supportive comments. Your ex did exactly what mine did, have over ten beers a day.The weekends were the worst for mine too, he would forget a lot of things he did and said, and that too me was the catalyst for cutting all the strings. It's crazy too that we can blame ourselves just for a minute, but later realize we have no control over this; also realizing that they do care about that beer more than us is hard, because it is so easy to question our worth. I think alcohol does something so bad to the brain that they are not able to think rationally and there is damage that happens over time, making them more and more irrational and illogical in their thinking (without them knowing about it). I am so glad to be out of his life, I now have to work on taking care of myself and that is hard. I just started walking and have lost 10 pounds since I left him. I want to be back to my healthy range of size 4 to 6, and be hot again:)))) What are your plans for the future if you do not mind me asking?

I just left mine, kicked him out last week, actually told him to get out of my car because i asked him one question, he was drunk , and flipped out on me for no reason, ripped my shirt off, tried to steer my car in the other lane, threw a beer on me and tried to throw my phone out of the car , this is the erractic behavior, this is what a drunk does, i am going to alaanon tonight for the first time, i hope it helps, am going to be evicted becaue i cannot pay my rent , he did give me money, i have to move past that, i am going to go t the gym as i have thyroid, cholesterol, and diabetes, i need to take care of myself and my health, thanks,

I'm glad you are getting out like you are. I realized after i left my ex that my health had suffered. I had problems that I previously did not have and after I left him I slowly got healthier and lost 10 pounds. My whole mindset was off when I was with him, I was not thinking right. I forgave him many times for many things, his drinking made him a MONSTER! He always apologized the next day, but I knew I had to get out of there, he was killing my soul and crushing my self-esteem. I went to Alanon and I think it is helpful, but I no longer go. I have decided I will go back if I keep becoming involved with those kinds of men, but hopefully I do not have to repeat my mistakes over and over again. I think this time I learned my lesson, I have lost a lot time, money, and peace. I am single now, but super happy. I do get sad sometimes, but it usually only happens when I'm alone for too long. It is so important to surround yourself with family and friends and everytime you think of going back, think of all the things he did to you. I went back to mine a couple of times, and each time I left more angry, it is not worth it. These people need help, they are sick....and we are not responsible for them. We are responsible for ourselves and be healthy and sane:)